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‘Is someone bothering you?’ asks Stephen, turning his head to look.
‘Not really,’ I say.
I don’t want either of them going over and tellingAlexto leave me alone. That would only make me look ridiculous.
I take a sip of my drink, keeping my back toAlex. ‘It’s just hard to shake off people from your past.’
Brandon takes a sip and pulls a face. ‘Good grief! Don’t tell me you seriously enjoy these. We need to educate your palate.’
‘What do you usually drink?’ Stephen asks him.
‘Whisky, for choice. Single malt when I can get it.’
‘I’ll see what the bartender can do,’ says Stephen.
Brandon waits until he’s disappeared. ‘Not the best time, darling.’
‘It’s like that, is it? Far be it from me to be the third wheel. I’ll go and turn into a pumpkin all by myself.’
‘I knew you’d understand,’ he says. ‘That man isn’t really bothering you, is he?’ He nods towards the bar, whereAlexis still standing, looking around the room.
‘No, but I’m not in the mood for one of those, “Do you remember?” conversations. That’s the worst of coming to something like this. Everyone thinks you want to spend the entire evening reminiscing about all the stupid things you did when you were young.’
‘I don’t remember you doing too many stupid things,’ he says.
‘Just the one,’ I say without thinking.
There’s a pause, and I sense him looking at me.
‘I see,’ he says at last, a note of sympathy in his voice. ‘Is that the reason you don’t come home very often?’
‘No! I mean, I don’t know what you mean,’ I say.
He puts an arm around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze. ‘You don’t need to talk about if you don’t want to. Let me know if you need any help. I’ll pretend to be your outraged boyfriend if need be.’
I laugh in spite of myself. ‘What about Stephen?’
He shrugs. ‘It might complicate things slightly. But I know the code – sisters before misters. The offer’s there if you need it. Here he comes.’
Stephen re-joins us, holding two glasses of whisky. ‘They’ve really pushed the boat out for this, haven’t they?’
‘They have indeed,’ agrees Brandon. ‘And it should take the taste away.’ He looks disdainfully at the glass he’s still holding. ‘Do you want this, Annie? You look as though you need it.’
I shake my head, and he pours it into a pot plant. ‘The poor thing looks as though it’s on its last legs. This ought to revive it.’
‘I’d better circulate,’ I say. ‘Nice to meet you, Stephen.’
I make my way around the edge of the room, carefully staying on the opposite side toAlex. I catch his glance once or twice, but I look away immediately.
I bump into a small group I know from primary school and chat to them for ten minutes. I’m surprised to find that two of them are now married to each other. It shouldn’t be that surprising. It’s what people do, I think, making admiring noises as they pull out their phones to show me pictures of their six-month-old baby.
It's probably something about coming back to the place where you grew up that makes it seem as though time has stood still. If I’d stayed here, it wouldn’t feel so surreal. Looking around the hall, which, apart from the lavish party decorations, hasn’t changed at all, I feel like my gauche eighteen-year-old self again. It’s difficult to imagine that person doing anything as grown-up as getting married and having children.
Still, I have grown up. I’ve moved away, gone to university, graduated, and am now working at a job I love. It was only coming back here that made me feel so awkward and indecisive. Once I’m on the train and pulling away from Little Mickton station, I’ll be fine.
Whoever said you could never go home is wrong. You absolutely can. Whether you should is an entirely different matter. If you’re expecting home to be waiting for you completely unchanged, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Perhaps the best thing is to treat the place as somewhere familiar yet unreal, like Disneyland. A place you know from childhood even if you’ve never visited it. A place that’s different enough to give you a delightful break from your everyday life, yet familiar enough for you to feel comfortable. You can’t stay there forever, and neither would you want to.
Lost in these musings, I don’t noticeAlexmaking his way across to join us until I hear his voice. ‘Nice to meet you all. Thanks for coming.’
