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But she didn’t tell him to stop.
A fraction of a second later, she could have sworn Xander gave what sounded like a low growl, but it was drowned out by the resonance of the muffled slaps of his hand against her covered ass.
The sting was muted too, though Em could still feel her bottom begin to warm.
Was it bad that she really, really wanted to feel his punishment against her naked skin? Yearned for the intimacy of flesh upon flesh.
Already this was far more than she’d ever dared to hope for. And somehow, that knowledge, entwined with the loneliness and bleakness of the past couple of days, the dreadful desolation of the past two weeks since the news she’d be cut off from her pseudo-family; along with the fear and subsequent adrenaline drop of this afternoon, had her defenses crumbling away to nothing.
All of her tumbling emotions welled up, unfurling from the tight ball she’d kept them in, and bubbling over into a storm of emotion that had her sobbing like a distraught child.
She didn’t even notice that Xander had stopped spanking her until he pulled her up and cupped his hands on her face, rubbing fruitlessly at her tears with his calloused thumbs. “Oh God, Emalee, did I hurt you? I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
Em shook her head as much as she could within the confines of his hold. “No...” she choked, unable to get anything else out before she climbed him like a spider monkey and clung onto his broad, comforting frame. She tucked into him and let everything out, and thankfully Xander seemed to understand without her having to explain, and he simply held her and stroked her back, murmuring soothing nonsense words while Emalee soaked his white dress shirt with her tears and let it all out.
The feeling of catharsis was indescribable, but Emalee had a terrible feeling it had dislodged that tiny degree of separation that she kept around her heart, and she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to get it back again.
LATER THAT EVENING the children all traipsed into the family room to say their goodnights, a mixture of subdued excitement after the events of the day.
When they were settled, the men let Emalee help fill their stockings and place the bigger gifts under the tree.
When they were done, the four of them sat down in the family room with a glass of the chef’s freshly made eggnog each, and Christmas songs playing quietly in the background, while they relaxed after the frenetic ruse of playing ‘Santa’ and sneaking around the house to deliver each child’s sack.
“Emalee, what on earth were you doing spending Christmas at a hotel in town?” Kyros asked what she suspected the other two were both wondering.
Em shrugged and stared into her glass like it might hold the answers. “You sent me away,” she said in a meek voice. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”
“Ach, lassie! Why did you not say something?” Coll demanded, frustration lacing his words.
Em frowned. “I tried. I spoke to you all and told you I’d stay, but you were all adamant that I went.”
“You could have just said what you wanted instead of coming up with excuses to stay,” Xander pointed out.
Em bit her lip and nodded. “I know, but you were all so pleased to have given me such a wonderful gift that I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
“You didn’t want to go away at all? Not even if your parents had been available?”
Em shook her head, but still couldn’t bring herself to look at them. “I just wanted to join in the fun with the children and be part of the family...”
She had to blink against the sting in her eyes, so took a sip of her drink to cover it. “But...” she swallowed. “I know that’s not fair, because I’m not really family. I’m just the hired help.”
“I hope you know you’re very much more than just the hired help, Em.”
All three men seemed to eye her speculatively and Em found herself hyper aware of each and every one of them.
Well, that wasn’t exactly new. She always felt like that around them, but tonight something had changed.
The question was, what did that mean and where did it leave them?
Chapter Eight
“I CAN’T BELIEVE EM would describe herself as the hired help,” Coll groused as the three men sat enjoying a whisky after Emalee had pleaded exhaustion and taken herself to bed.
“Well, whether we like it or not, that’s technically what she is,” Xander pointed out, though even he didn’t seem too thrilled with that logic himself.
Ky tapped his finger against the side of his glass in contemplation, then cast his eyes over each of the men he considered brothers. “Then it’s about time we changed that... before we lose her completely.”
“We agreed...” Xander didn’t get to finish that thought before Ky interrupted.
