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No matter how I want to argue, I know now I’ll never be able to go into the city with Callia. My plan is thwarted. Each time I think I’m taking a step forward, I end up taking two back.
I wish I had my phone. Even if I did have my mobile, I couldn’t use it because I don’t know where my mum is. I could bring more trouble to the club; I can’t do that to the Royal Bastards. They took me in, gave me a home when they didn’t need to accept a stranger into their house. I won’t put them in danger.
“Monster—”
“I’m not arguing with you,” he tells me. “C’mere to me,” he orders quickly. “I’ll get you back home.”
When I don’t move, he glances at me from over his shoulder. Those dark brown eyes that remind me of warm cocoa pierce me. I want so much to tell him the truth. I know Monster hated my father, I’m not sure why, but I can only assume they were in a war of sorts.
“It’s not my home.” My whisper has him turning on his heel. He doesn’t approach me, giving me the space I need.
“When I told Donahue you could stay with us, I meant it. You may not feel at home yet,” he tells me slowly. “But it will come.”
“I know you hate me, and I—”
“There was only one person in this world I ever hated,” Monster interrupts. “And it’s not you.” Even though he doesn’t say it, I know he means my father. “Are you coming?”
I nod because I have no choice. I have nowhere else to go. All the money I had saved while living with Mum is sitting in an account I cannot access. If I were to go to a bank, I could be tracked. My father’s soldiers would find me. I recall the shots fired at me and Monster, and a cold shiver races down my spine.They already have.I shake the thought from my mind.
As we exit the club, I can feel every pair of eyes on us. They’re all convinced Monster has feelings for me or is attracted to me. And him escorting me home, I’m sure, will only solidify their suspicions.
I don’t know what’s going to happen, but for now, I appease the man and settle on the back of his bike. Being so close to him makes me feel something I don’t want to, but I can’t stop myself from the emotions.
As the rumble of the engine comes to life and we race out of the lot, I hold onto Monster even tighter. It’s not far to get home, and deep down, sadness washes over me that it wasn’t a long, winding journey. I like him, I want him, and there’s no longer denying it.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to allow my feelings to take over, but as we come to a stop at the clubhouse, I know that if he were to kiss me right now, I wouldn’t stop him.
THIRTEEN
MONSTER
We stop outside her bedroom,and it takes all my restraint not to lean in and kiss her. She watches me as if she can read my mind. Perhaps she can. The corner of her mouth tilts upwards, just slightly, and the small smile that curls her lips makes me want to steal it with my own.
As much as I don’t trust her, I can’t deny she’s breathtaking. Incredibly beautiful. She’s become a distraction because when she’s in the room, I can’tnotlook at her. And when she’s not around, I want nothing more than for her to walk in. I want to feast on her with my gaze, even though I know I can’t have her.
“Thank you,” Miren says softly with her gaze averted.
She looks to the floor as I lean against the doorframe. I want her eyes on me. I want to look deep into them to find all the secrets she’s hidin’. But when she does land them on me, all I can think of is wantin’ to see them glisten as I make her come.
“Get some rest,” I tell her, my voice raspy when I speak. “Tomorrow is another day.”
I push away from her room and step back into the hallway. I want to say more, but I don’t because I’m feelin’ things I shouldn’t.
When I turn around, but her voice comes from the threshold to her room to stop me. “If you push people away, one day they’ll leave, and you’ll be alone.”
Her warnin’ stops me dead in my tracks. The soft light from inside the bedroom illuminates her figure casting a shadow on the carpet before me.
I don’t know why my muscles tense at her words. Anger warms my blood, and my veins seem to throb in every inch of my body. I’m not angry at her, but the fact that she’s right. I know she is. It’s somethin’ Ma used to tell me. To stop pushin’ people away. But it’s the only way to ensure I’m safe from the pain of losin’ them.
I turn my head, lookin’ at her from over my shoulder. “You don’t know me,” I tell her earnestly.
She shakes her head. “I know, but I know when someone is hurting,” she says. “Pain makes people do things they normally wouldn’t. It makes you want to be alone, to never be hurt again. I understand that.”
“You don’t understand anythin’,” I bite out as my anger slowly turns to fury.
Fisting my hands at my sides, I dig my nails into the palms, the bite of pain reminding me of why I live my life as I do. My brothers are the only people I care for, and even then, I know it’s a mistake. I shouldn’t allow myself to love, to feel.
“What I understand, what I see, is a man who’s hurting,” she says then, the confidence in her tone making her square her shoulders. “All I’m saying is that pushing others out of your life will only force you to feel more alone.”
