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“I know. But over time, you will.”
Chapter 34
KAT
CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS ALONE SUCKED. Celebrating alone in New York because my friends were with their families sucked worse. I couldn’t stay in Oak Springs, though. Everyone knew about what had happened between Sid and me. The gossip blog was talking about it. People looked at me with pity, and our friends wouldn’t speak to me.
Mindy told me not to come to the farm. Kate was disappointed that she’d spent her time and energy planning a wedding that would never happen. She’d lost out on paying clients because she was working with me. Rebecca was supportive but was hurt that I’d lied to her.
But my mother was the worst. She wouldn’t stop calling and leaving nasty voice mails. They ranged from how disappointed she was to how angry and embarrassed she was. All of them were hurtful and only added to the wound in my chest.
I’d spent most of the week following the breakup in the spare room at my sister’s, so I hadn’t run into Sid. I went to work, but that quickly became difficult since everyone wanted to talk about what happened during their sessions.
Once the gossip blog leaked the news, I ran. The only place I could think to go was to Riley and Anna’s apartment back in New York. They moved to a one-bedroom apartment in Queens and took the subway to work. It took them almost an hour to get to the bakery. I felt horrible. If I wouldn’t have run to Oak Springs, I would have been contributing to the rent, and they wouldn’t be stuck sharing a bedroom.
The weather was terrible, and Central Park was now an hour away so I couldn’t walk through it to clear my mind like I used to. So instead, I stayed inside and binged romantic holiday movies and ate my weight in chocolate and ice cream. It had been a terrible idea because now I felt bloated, and the movies made me cry.
I had put my phone on silent days ago. Rebecca knew where I was. She was coming in two days for New Year’s Eve, and Anna and Riley were due back any minute. Before they left, Anna had said I had a week to wallow and then I was done. New Year’s Eve was for new beginnings and fun.
My wallowing week was almost over, but I still had a few hours left, so I burrowed under the comforter I’d dragged out with me days ago and continued watching sappy movies that made me cry. The door to the apartment flew open, and Anna walked in, wheeling her suitcase behind her.
“Wallowing time is over,” she announced.
“I still have a few more hours,” I said. The blanket muffled my voice. It covered all of me except for my eyes.
“Okay. I’ll give you that, but then you’re done.” She walked over and sat on the opposite end of the couch. Her nose wrinkled. “What is that smell? Did you shower at all while we were gone?”
I sniffled.
“I’m going to leave you alone for tonight. Tomorrow, you shower and then clean our couch. We might have to burn it.”
“Shut up,” I wailed.
She chuckled as she made her way to her room, leaving me alone with my tears and sadness. An hour later, Riley came home. She took one look at me and ran to the kitchen. I was too sad to move and find out what she was doing.
“Sweet treats always make me feel better,” she said when she came back a while later holding out a plate of chocolate cupcakes.
I grabbed one and bit into it. The cupcake was light, and it was still warm. I moaned and shoved the rest into my mouth, grabbing another one before she could take the plate away. I’d worry about my weight later.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Riley asked.
I sighed. It was now or never. The girls still didn’t know about my double life, and the guilt had been eating away at me. I hadn’t realized how badly until I came back.
“I have something to confess.” I took a deep breath. Anna needed to hear this too, but I knew she’d be a lot harder on me than Riley. Still, I owed them both an apology. “Can you get Anna?”
“Anna!” Riley shouted.
“I could have done that,” I said.
She shrugged.
“Yo. What’s up?” Anna asked. “I’m gonna stand if that’s okay. Kat stinks.”
Yeah, this was going to go great.
“I need to get something off my chest.”
Anna raised an eyebrow. “If it’s food, I’m out. Also, it could be your sweatshirt. It’s probably stuck to your skin from not bathing.”
