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I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything different.
* * *
“How have you been holding up?”Hadley asks later that evening when we’ve snuck off for a moment alone. She quirks a knowing eyebrow, already hazarding a guess at how the last week has gone.
“Oh, great. Just like old times,” I reply sarcastically with a half-smile. “Really, what were you thinking when you had Kai bring me here?”
Hadley gives me an innocent doe-eyed look that doesn’t suit her one bit. She can only hold it for a second before the two of us are bursting out in laughter. “I don’t know. You’ve all just seemed… lost these last few years.”
“All of us?”
She rolls her eyes like I’m being dense. “You, Wilder, and Hawk.”
“My leaving meant nothing to Hawk.”
With a shake of her head, she explains, “He’s buried himself in his studies and the company since we graduated high school.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“It is. Don’t get me wrong, he’s helped our dad get Nocturnal Enterprises back on its feet, and with his plans for the future, I’m certain he’ll take the company to new heights. It’s just… It’s like he’s forgotten there’s more to life than work. I don’t even think he’s dated anyone in years.”
“Please,” I scoff, not buying that for a second.
“I’m not saying he hasn’t slept with anyone.” Hadley shrugs her shoulders, seeming unsure. “I don’t want or need to know that shit. He just hasn’t seemed interested in anyone.”
I wave away her concern, even as my mind races with possibilities. “I’m sure when the right girl comes along, he’ll be all over her, and you’ll be thoroughly sickened by it and wish he’d go back to being a workaholic.”
Hadley laughs lightly before quirking a brow. There’s a serious underlay in her tone when she says, “Maybe the right girl already came along, just neither of them knew it at the time.”
“Hadley,” I gripe, shaking my head. “Abandon that train of thought right now.”
“Why?”
“Because… No. Just no. Hawk and I are polar opposites. Besides, didn’t you see the way he was at dinner?”
“That?” she waves her hand in the direction of the door. “So he’s harboring a little anger. That’s nothing. He’ll get over it.”
“Anger? No, Hadley. That was so much worse than anger, or hate, or any other negative emotion. That back there was theabsenceof emotion. That was someone who couldn’t care less.”
“Em,” Hadley begins in a reasoning tone. “I know my brother pretty well, and he can try to convince you, and himself, that he doesn’t care, but he does.”
“Oh? And how do you know that, oh wise one?”
She smirks. “Because I’ve been there, shoving my feelings down and pretending they don’t exist. I know what that looks like, and it looks a lot like the way you and Hawk look at each other.”
“I think you need your eyesight checked,” I grumble, not sure what to make of this conversation.
Laughing, she thankfully changes the topic. “Well, how are you getting on with Kai? He doesn’t hate you, too, does he?”
“Not yet. Give it time. I’m sure I’ll do something to hurt or piss him off.” There’s an edge to my voice that detracts from the jesting tone I was going for, and Hadley leans in, resting her arm against mine.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Em. You did what was right for you. You’re not responsible for their feelings. Don’t carry that burden.”
“But did I? Do what was right for me?”
“Em, you have a top-rate education and an amazing job in a killer career. Isn’t that everything you wanted? Everything you worked so hard for at Pac?”
“It is, don’t get me wrong. It’s everything I wanted, and I love it. Or, at least, I thought I did.” I shake my head as I struggle to put my mishmash of feelings into words. After a moment, I sigh, unable to really explain it. “I don’t know. I thought I’d be happier, but I don’t think I am.”
