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Still, as Kai’s features shift into the typical expression one wears when they’re giving their condolences to the remaining family at a funeral, the little bit of hope I’d been clinging to that Richard was safe and in the hospital, receiving the medical attention he needed, snuffs out. In its place, a much harder-to-tolerate emotion forms—grief and self-loathing.
“I’m sorry, Em.” Kai’s usually comforting voice barely scratches the surface. “I’ve been checking regularly with the local hospitals and morgues, but there’s been no sign of him.”
My brows furrow. “So you haven’t found a b-body?”
God, I can’t believe I’m even asking that question.
“No, but I wouldn’t take that to mean anything,” he insists before hope can dig its fingers into me again. “Chances are we will find him when we uncover the identity of your stalker.”
“But, what about his friends? Won’t they have reported him missing?”
“They haven’t yet. My guess is that the stalker is covering their tracks. If they sent an email to Richard’s boss, then they probably sent something to his friends as well. It won’t work indefinitely, but it would have given them enough time to do whatever they were planning on doing before I intervened.”
A shiver wracks through my body. “W-what do you meanwhatever they were planning?”
Kai’s face is serious, shadows dancing in his eyes. “I think the finger on your doorstep was step one in his plan to finally make you his.”
My eyes widen in horror, my hands shaking. “And w-what was s-step two?”
“I’m not sure. Perhaps he was hoping to step in and comfort you and take it from there or kidnap you, too. He could even have intercepted your call to the police and pretended to be a policeman just to get close to you.” All I can do is stare at Kai in shock, unable to believe that someone would do such a thing. “People like this are unhinged. They don’t think like you or me, and they will do absolutelyanythingto get to the object of their obsession.”
I swallow roughly, still staring up at him, knowing he can see the fear and questions in my eyes. “You sound like you speak from experience.”
I’m not sure if it’s just the dim light provided by the television or if his face really does shadow over, but for a second, everything about Kai hardens. An expression like nothing I’ve ever seen on him flashes across his face. One filled with pain and grief but also deadly. “I do.” Those two words are spoken in a gruff, emotion-filled tone. He drops his gaze, looking away from me before getting to his feet, thoroughly ending our conversation as he strides out of the room, and leaving me to stare after him.
* * *
I haven’t seenKai since he walked off after our conversation earlier. After he left, I churned his words over in my mind for ages before finally storing the information away and deciding a hot, relaxing bath was what I needed to wash off this shitty day.
When I first arrived, I spotted a gorgeous, deep standalone tub in the main bathroom on Hawk and Wilder’s floor, so I quickly grab a towel from my bedroom and head down to the bathroom.
Filling the tub, I rummage around in the bathroom cabinets for some bubble bath, but of course, this is a guy’s house, so there isn’t any. Oh well, even hot water will go a long way to easing the tension in my muscles.
When steam rises from the water and it’s at risk of flowing over the sides of the tub, I turn the taps off and quickly strip out of my clothes. Twisting my hair up and securing it with a hair tie, I step into the bath with a sigh and sink into the glorious heat. The hot water is on the verge of scalding as it turns my skin red, but it’s exactly how I like it, and it doesn’t take long to feel the benefits as I rest my head against the rim and encourage my body to relax.
At first, my thoughts center on Richard. I let the tears run freely down my face as I allow myself to mourn him. I may not have been in love with him or wanted the same future for us that he did, but he was one of the closest people in my life. He’d been a good friend, and he didn’t deserve what happened to him, didn’t deserve an unfeeling bitch for a girlfriend.
Thinking about my relationship with Richard—and honestly, the last four years since I left Pacific Prep—and comparing it to how I’ve felt over the course of the last two weeks, I can see clearly now just how shut down I was. It’s like I’d switched off my ability to feel, to put myself out there and let myself fall in love and get hurt. I was never emotionally invested in my relationship with Richard. I cared about him but was utterly incapable of allowing myself to feel anything more for him.
It wasn’t something I was consciously doing. I hadn’t even realized I’d closed myself down so completely until I found myself here—with Hawk and Wilder giving me whiplash and ripping open those old wounds I thought I’d long since stitched shut and allowed to heal. But it’s like, the second I set eyes on Hawk, this avalanche of feelings came crashing down on top of me. Simply seeing him again had heat strumming through my veins and my vagina perking up with interest.
Even though every encounter I’ve had with Wilder has been fueled by hate—and pretty much all of my run-ins with Hawk have been the same—I’ve never felt more alive. Not all of it has been good. I’ve never felt so rejected, hurt, and stressed out, but all of it has served to remind me that I’m still alive.
I’ve been going through the motions for the last four years, ticking off the things I thought I had to achieve in order to build myself a life, except while I’ve been too busy planning for the future, my present has been passing me by. I’ve been so focused on looking forward that I haven’t stopped to realize I’m not happy in the here and now.
Despite the shitstorm that my life has become in the last two weeks, some sick, twisted part of me has actually enjoyed it. I love the thrill I get when Wilder catches me in his space, the adrenaline rush of Hawk watching us. The heat that pools in my lower belly when I set eyes on either of them.
Memories of Kai wearing only a towel flash to the forefront of my mind, and I must admit, I get the same feeling when I look at him too. Like the air around me has suddenly grown hotter, and I can’t breathe, even though I don’t need to because all I need is their touch—their hands on my body, their lips on my skin.
My body flushes with need, and I glance down my submerged chest and abdomen, half tempted to give myself some self-loving. But, no, that would be weird in someone else’s bathroom, with Kai right above me. Instead, I work to empty my mind of any and all thoughts, falling into a half meditative-half sleep state.
Only when the water is cold and I’m a wrinkled prune do I pull the plug and climb out, wrapping the towel around me. I’m wiping the steam from the mirror above the sink when my eyes collide with hard brown ones. I gasp, my body tensing as I spin to face Wilder. With his shoulder leaning against the doorframe, one leg crossed over the other as he casually runs his eyes over me, I curse myself for forgetting to lock the adjoining door leading into his room.What bathroom has three doors?
His eyes burn with an intensity I can’t decipher as he brushes his thumb along his bottom lip, taking his time drinking me in. With each passing second of silence, my heart hammers harder against my chest, and I begin to sweat. The way he looks at me makes me feel like a mouse trapped in a cage, but some twisted version where the thrill of it is both terrifying and intoxicating. Wilder shouldn’t elicit the swirling heat currently coiling in my lower abdomen. Not when he looks at me like that… like he wants to break me until I’m a crying mess at his feet, all so he can lick the tears as they fall from my eyes.
Except, that’s precisely how he makes me feel.
The way his eyes glower with a heady mix of antipathy and desire does fucked up things to my insides. Or perhaps it’s not the way he looks at me, it’s simply him. His close proximity is the catalyst.Heis my kryptonite. My weakest point. The one person who has the power to build me up or obliterate me.
