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Emilia talks my ear off as we make our way back across campus to where I parked the car. Every now and again, I throw a,huhoryou don’t say?into the conversation, so it doesn’t seem so one-sided if anyone is paying us any extra attention, but Emilia knows the drill by now. It’s not that I’m deliberately ignoring her or that I don’t give a shit about what she has to say; I’m just busy subtly scanning our surroundings for anyone who stands out or who may represent a threat.
When we reach the car, I open her door for her and wait until she slides in before closing it and rounding the front of the vehicle. Dropping the books in the backseat, I climb in beside her and start the engine, reversing out of the parking space.
Emilia waits until we’re on the road, heading away from campus, before asking the same question she asks every day. “Did anyone stand out?”
“No.” I hate that that’s my answer every single time. I hate it even more when her shoulders drop with disappointment. Reaching across the center console, I wrap my hand around hers. The lines between us are becoming blurred, though I’m not sure that I care. “We knew this would take some time. Whoever this is is smart. They’re going to wait and suss us out first.” I glance her way. “Tonight should help.”
It’s not long before we’re back at the house, and Emilia tells me that she has to go get ready for tonight before disappearing up the stairs. I’m sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop open in front of me, scouring today’s security footage, when Hawk walks in.
“Hey.” He nods toward the laptop. “Anything from today?”
It’s the same routine every day. With Emilia on campus during the day and Hawk and Wilder with her, I’ve been back in the office. I won’t be taking any cases while I’m still working on Emilia’s, but I can consult, not to mention the pile of paperwork calling my name I’d been putting off before Hadley approached me, asking for my help.
“Nothing yet.”
Grabbing a drink, he joins me at the table. “How are you feeling about tonight?”
I shrug my shoulder, not taking my attention away from the screen as I watch the mailman deliver a letter in the mailbox. He’s been Hawk and Wilder’s mailman since they first moved in here, so I don’t think there’s anything I need to look into there. “It’s just a night out. We’ll have dinner, talk, hold hands and come home.”
I notice Hawk shaking his head out of the corner of my eye, nonetheless I don’t engage him. Not that he needs my attention in order to continue. “Man, you’re wasting a perfectly good Friday night. Em’s going to be all dressed up, probably in a nice dress with easy access—”
“Jesus, Hawk, I’m not looking to fuck her,” I bite out, glaring at him over my laptop and ignoring the traitorous voice in my head calling me a liar.
The asshole cocks a knowing brow. “Isn’t that exactly what you’resupposedto be trying to do? I can guarantee you trying to get in her pants is exactly howanyguy on a date with her will behave.” When I lift my lips in a disgusted snarl, he raises his hands placatingly. “I’m not saying to throw her up against the first hard surface and fuck her brains out. But every nice gesture any halfway decent guy on a date would do, like pulling out her chair, opening her car door, will be with the intention of getting his dick wet at the end of the night.”
I continue to stare at him, not understanding what the fuck he’s trying to say.
“Dude, when was the last time you went on a date?! I’m saying you need to act like a gentleman and think like a horn dog. That way, your actions will come across as believable to anyone watching.”
Lifting a hand, I wipe it down my face, feeling so far out of my depth. “Oh god,” I groan. “What the hell was I thinking when I said I could do this? I haven’t been on a date since Laura. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. I don’t know how to even be on a real date, never mind a fake one.”
“And this is whyIshould have fake-dated her.” I level Hawk with a deadly glare, and the corner of his lips lifts in a smirk, telling me he was joking. I knew he was, anyway, his attempt at lightening the mood.
“What’s going on with you two anyway? Do you actually want to date her, or do you just like the transience of fake dating her?”
“I dunno,” Hawk says with a frown. “I take it she filled you in on our past?”
“Yeah. The tension coming off the three of you when she first arrived was palpable. Since no one seemed all that eager to fill me in, I tempted her with a bottle of wine until she caved.” He laughs. “Seems like Wilder was pretty hung up on her, but what about you?”
He shrugs, but it lacks any of its usual casualness. “I’ve been asking myself that same question recently.”
“Okay, well, forget about back then. What about now?”
“Fuck,” he hisses, a mysterious smirk on his lips as his thoughts clearly drift away from the table. “There’s been a couple of unexpected moments when she’s slipped past my defenses. She’s been worming her way into my head, like cancer infiltrating my cells and gnawing on my bones, and now it feels like she’s so ingrained in the very fabric of my DNA that I dunno if I’ll ever get rid of her.”
Shaking his head, he leans back in his chair, still staring at a point on the table as he continues. “I find myself wanting to be here more than at the frat house. Jesus, I’m even fucking jealous over your stupid fake date tonight. When I thought that Steven guy was the one stalking her, I wanted to be the one punching his fucking face in, and then when I saw how scared she was after those photos arrived, I just wanted to pull her into my arms and comfort her.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“I don’t fucking know, man. Everything is so much more complicated when it comes to Emilia. If we cross that line, there’s no coming back from it. It wouldn’t be like before. There’s far too much on the line this time.”
Getting to my feet, I close the laptop and clap him on the shoulder. “Sounds like you need to figure your shit out, and soon. Meanwhile, I’ve got a date to get ready for.”
Half an hour later, I’m back downstairs, wearing a black shirt, dark jeans, and brown shoes.
“Just calm down, man,” Hawk reminds me for the millionth time, yet no matter how many times I tell myself this isn’t real, my heart won’t calm the fuck down.
“That’s not fucking helping,” I snap at him.
