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“Ididn’t even know they offered fencing as a class.”
Piper nods, all glowy and smiley after her first fencing lesson. “It counts as phys ed credits. Who knew? And I think it’ll be fun. You know I’ve never been athletic like you.”
“So what, you just wave those pointy swords around?” I slash my arm through the air, attracting the attention of a few people walking our way. All they do is go back to their conversation. It’s strange, being able to walk around all free and whatnot, saying and doing pretty much whatever I want without anybody using it to taunt me. That doesn’t mean I won’t pay attention to the people around me when I do something like that, and they notice—maybe once enough time passes. Once I get used to nobody caring very much about what I do and just letting me live my life, I won’t be so quick to look around and make sure nobody is making fun.
“I think it’s a little more than that.” She giggles. “And they put something on the end of the foil, by the way. So we don’t end up stabbing each other to death.”
“Ooh, a foil. You already know all the technical terminology.”
“Yeah, I’m a real expert after one class.”
“Well, it’s good to know you won’t end up impaled. And it seems like it’s going to be fun?”
“It really does. How about you? How was your lit class?”
“You know me. Any excuse to read a book is just fine. We’re coveringBelovedfirst. I have to read five chapters before the next class.”
It’s almost too bizarre how normal this feels. Walking across campus with my best friend, chatting about our classes now that we’ve been through almost the first full week of school. Finally, I’ve got somebody to talk to, and Piper seems so relieved that I want to be friends that it feels like we’ve done nothing but catch up and laugh since she showed up at our room.
I can almost believe I will live a normal life now. I can almost believe it’s possible to forget and move on. After walking around campus these past few days, I know that nobody can look at me and tell what I’ve been through. I don’t have any reason to be paranoid or ashamed. I might have a small tattoo on my ass—which nobody can even see—but there’s no tattoo across my forehead saying what I’ve been through. I need to remember that.
“Heads-up!” We barely have time to react before a football sails not very far over our heads. A tall, athletic guy comes running past at top speed and grabs it at the last second, bobbling it a little on his fingertips before pulling it in close. Piper does a slow, joking sort of clap, and he touches a finger to the brim of his ball cap before running away.
It’s only when she continues and realizes I’m not with her that she stops and turns around. “You okay?” she asks with a light laugh.
I don’t know. I should be, but I’m not. I can’t move, and my heart is racing. She approaches slowly, glancing around like she wants to make sure nobody is watching us.
“I can’t breathe,” I whisper before struggling to suck in a lung full of air.
“You’re safe. That guy, he’s nobody. Just a guy playing football with his friends. Nobody is going to hurt you. Okay? Remember that. Tell yourself that. You’re safe here. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore.”
Nobody is going to hurt me. I close my eyes and force my way through a few shallow breaths before the tension in my chest loosens and my pulse settles back to a more normal speed. The world was starting to dwindle to a pinpoint there for a second, and all the color had started to drain out of my surroundings, but now it’s back, just the way it was before.
And now I feel like the biggest idiot. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me, not ever. I guess it’s only natural.”
“It’s just that it will probably take me a while to get used to people randomly running at me from out of nowhere.”
“I get it. Like I said, you don’t have to apologize or explain yourself. I’m here. We can get through this.”
I’m so grateful I could cry, but I’ve done so much of that. It’s amazing there’s any moisture left in my body.
That’s going to change with time, too. I have to believe it will. Piper’s right. I’m safe here—not that I’m going to run around being reckless or anything, but I don’t have to worry about whether everybody around me is going to hurt me somehow. I hate knowing how James managed to work his way so deep into my head, him and his sons. It isn’t fair.
But they aren’t here. The guys are at MIT by now, living it up. I haven’t heard another word from them since they dropped me off, and my mother hasn’t bothered to reach out to me, either. What a surprise.
That’s for the best, too. Even though it burns me up inside, knowing she believes all those ugly lies about me, that’s just something I’m going to have to accept. If it means I no longer have to deal with her, so be it. I’ll make that sacrifice. I know the truth, anyway. I know I’m not the person James made me out to be. That needs to be enough. Maybe it’s for the best that I’ve learned to live without her approval. I’d probably be in much worse shape if that wasn’t the case.
“They still haven’t reached out, have they?” Piper asks as we enter our building.
I shake my head. “You would know if they had. I would have told you.”
“I mean, that’s good, though. They’re moving on and letting you move on.”
“I know. And I know I should be grateful.”
“But…”
