I took a deep breath and made my way back to the table as everybody relaxed a bit. It was good to know that my family wasn’t playing about me and were ready to go down protecting me. Ali made his way to me and said, “Oh, she’s your lady?”
“Yeah, but she don’t quite know that shit yet.”
He chuckled and nodded. “That’s a’ight. She gon’ know soon enough. She coming to the wedding tomorrow?”
“Naw. She gotta work. But we gon’ be talking about shit Sunday. I gotta talk to Jungle before he leave about his sister and her friend.”
“Yeah. Fawn and Amiko. I’m more than sure they can help her out.”
“That way when I present it to her, they will already know.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
* * *
“Nigga, you drunk as fuck,”I said to DJ as I drove to his house.
“Hell yeah. Ain’t nobody say shit to you when you got fucked up for your birthday.”
He chuckled, and I did, too, as I watched him lean against the door. We’d been out for the past four hours, turning the fuck up. Although there weren’t any strippers in sight, there were plenty of scantily dressed women around, trying to be a part of what we had going on. We’d gone to the hip hop club in downtown Beaumont after we left Pour 09. DJ and Chad were practically fucked up when we left Pour.
I was shocked that he even wanted to go downtown. Pour was always an entire vibe. The deejay had announced DJ’s pending nuptials, and the entire crowd had celebrated with us. Shiiid, as much money as we spent there, nearly every weekend, we practically kept the place running.
As I turned in DJ’s driveway, I said, “Yeah, but you always the one that keeps a level head, so it’s funny seeing you let loose.”
“Nigga, I had to. My fucking nerves getting bad.”
I frowned, but I didn’t say anything. I got out of my car then walked around to help him out. He couldn’t even walk straight. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be hungover tomorrow. He usually handled his liquor well, as did I. No matter how drunk we got, we would usually be okay the next day if we got enough sleep, except for my birthday. I was throwing up every fucking where.
It was almost three in the morning, and the wedding was at four tomorrow evening. Being that he’d gotten his hair cut today, he didn’t have to worry about none of that shit. He just had to show up on time, dressed and ready to be a husband.
Once we finally got inside, DJ fell to his couch, so I got him a bottle of water from the fridge. When I got to him, he was mumbling to himself. “Why your nerves bad, man?”
He turned to me and without hesitation, he asked, “What if I turn out like Dad? If something ever happened to Mama, how would I handle it? What if I end up like Dexter?”
I knew if there was ever a time he needed to know what Dad said in that letter, now was the time. After pulling my wallet from my pocket, I dug inside it for the letter I kept in there. “DJ, you ain’t him. You know that shit, and he knew that too. He said some things in this letter that he wanted me to relay to you, but I figured you probably didn’t want to hear it. Now I know that you need to hear it.”
He frowned at me. “What letter?”
“After he disappeared from my place to go cop, I found this letter on the dresser. Two days later, he was in his room dead with the fucking needle still in his arm.”
I handed it to him, and he opened it, squinting as he tried to read it. “Read it for me, bruh. My vision is blurry.”
I took a deep breath, because it was hard for me to read the shit silently. It made me emotional as hell. Reading it aloud would probably take me out. I took it from him and stared at it for a few seconds in silence as DJ waited. He seemed to have sobered up more just to hear what Dad had to say to him. Although he hated what Dad had done, I knew he still loved him. He sent me money to help take care of him while he lived with me. I cleared my throat and began.
“Jamel, I just want you to know that I love you, son. Thank you for everything you did to help me. I’m sorry I fell off the wagon. Seeing your mother so happy without me created a sorrow in me that was no match for even my addiction. She deserves happiness. Seeing how I affected her, to the point that she seemed afraid of me, killed me inside. I had to numb that pain somehow. I see why y’all wouldn’t tell me anything that was going on with her and vice versa.”
DJ shifted, and I did so as well. I was uncomfortable as fuck, and I could feel the emotions building inside of me. I’d read this letter a million times, but it still had the same effect on me. It didn’t get any easier to read. Reading what the man I called Dad had to say as he was vulnerable and revealed his deepest emotions to me for the first time in his life, made me vulnerable as well. It made me realize that he was just a man… an extremely flawed one.
“We were toxic to one another’s well-being. The love we shared was what kept me going. Anissa Dent was everything to me, although my actions said otherwise. Losing my mother was so hard for me, and you’re right. Maybe I should have gone to a grief counselor. I love Anissa so much. Please let her know that for me. Tell DJ I said thank you for taking care of all the things I should have been there to take care of, especially your mother. Let him know that I love him, and I’m happy that he’s bringing honor to the name Dexter.”
DJ broke down, sobbing like I’d never seen. He didn’t cry at all when Dad died. His anger with who our father had become was controlling him at the time. I believed that DJ also felt a way about him dying before they could really reestablish their relationship. I hugged my brother as he cried. I knew it was the liquor that had him this way, because DJ always kept it together.
He sat up, pulling away from me and wiped his face. “I hate that he fucking left without telling me that shit himself. I hate that I had to hear his vulnerability in a damn letter.” He took a deep breath and blew it out forcefully then said, “Read the rest.”
“Again, I love you, son. If you don’t see me again, just know that you can do whatever you want to do in life. Don’t let who I was or wasn’t hinder you as a man. Be better than me in all areas of life. Own up to your mistakes and bad decisions. Quit fucking around with all those women and find you a good one that you can go home to. A woman like Anissa. Dexter Dent, Sr. aka Dad.”
We sat there in silence, trying to let his words sink in. After a couple of minutes, it was like I didn’t read any of that. DJ totally changed the subject. “I’m kind of glad Shavozz decided not to get married at the courthouse. More people will be able to attend if it’s on a Saturday and in the backyard at Pop’s house.”
