I just want you to know that I love you, son. Thank you for everything you did to help me. I’m sorry I fell off the wagon. Seeing your mother so happy without me created a sorrow in me that was no match for even my addiction. She deserves happiness. Seeing how I affected her, to the point that she seemed afraid of me, killed me inside. I had to numb that pain somehow. I see why y’all wouldn’t tell me anything that was going on with her and vice versa.
We were toxic to one another’s well-being. The love we shared was what kept me going. Anissa Dent was everything to me, although my actions said otherwise. Losing my mother was so hard for me, and you’re right. Maybe I should have gone to a grief counselor. I love Anissa so much. Please let her know that for me. Tell DJ I said thank you for taking care of all the things I should have been there to take care of, especially your mother. Let him know that I love him, and I’m happy that he’s bringing honor to the name Dexter.
Again, I love you, son. If you don’t see me again, just know that you can do whatever you want to do in life. Don’t let who I was or wasn’t hinder you as a man. Be better than me in all areas of life. Own up to your mistakes and bad decisions. Quit fucking around with all those women and find you a good one that you can go home to. A woman like Anissa.
Dexter Dent, Sr. aka Dad
I folded it up, slid it back inside my wallet, and took a deep breath. I never gave DJ the message. He was teetering on the verge of hating him, and I knew he wouldn’t receive it well, not even after he died. But I knew a day would come where he could use our dad’s words to him. When that time came, I would give them to him.
I left to get that drink that I desperately needed. My activities had slowed some, and at first, I thought it was because I was tired of living the life, but I knew it was his words that I read constantly that affected me. Mr. Sheldon saw it in me as well. Something was happening to me, and my strong obsession for the woman called Obsession was making things even more complicated.
It was like no one compared to her, and I didn’t even know her. I slept with YoYo, but she was someone that I knew. I hadn’t been with anyone new since I witnessed Obsession. Tonight was my first time having sex in nearly a month, and that shit was so unlike me. I had sex at least twice a week. So when YoYo kept calling for a taste, she was hard to resist, especially since that cougar pussy was on point.
However, like DJ had said, if my mama found out, she would be hurt, and it would be hell to pay for Yolanda. Despite my closeness to my dad before he died, my mama was still my everything as well. We weren’t as close as she and DJ were, and I believed that was because I moved to Houston. However, I was her baby boy, and she wanted what was best for me, and I wanted what was best for her too. I knew my dad wasn’t what was best for her.
When I got to the liquor store, I headed inside just before they closed and snatched up what I needed. As I approached the register, I noticed a chick I had previously dug out was the cashier. “What’s up, Jamel? You good, baby?”
“What’s up? I’m good. What about you?”
“I don’t know. Let me find out how good you are these days. Maybe that will give me clarity.”
“Like that, huh? Let me get back wit’chu on that.”
She smiled as she rang me up. Shit, I didn’t even remember her name. It had been almost a year since I’d hit that. I’d been through way too much pussy since then. I knew I didn’t still have her number, because if I would’ve, I would have had her again by now. That only meant one thing. She wasn’t worth having again. After she took my payment, she gave me my receipt, then said, “Hol’on.”
She wrote her number on a piece of paper. “I get off in a little bit. If you not feeling tonight, then maybe one day this weekend.”
“A’ight, lil mama.”
I took it from her, knowing I wasn’t gonna call her. I tried not to hurt anybody’s feelings. Most of them knew what it was about with me. I only got accused of being a fuckboy once. Because I was complimentary and friendly, she assumed I wanted something more with her. Now I was sure to let women know what the deal was from the beginning. I didn’t need any mishaps. You were only a fuckboy when you were fucking around on somebody… deceiving people.
I loved good sex. That was it. I wasn’t ready for a relationship with anyone. So if they chose to still get down with me, that meant they understood what they were getting into. If it was good, I dipped back. There were only a few that I could call up when I needed to release.
I took the paper from her and made my way to the door as she said, “I hope you call.”
I winked at her and went to my car. The minute she was out of my sight, she was off my mind. All I could think about was seeing Obsession tomorrow night.
CHAPTER2
SANDRENE
Iwas tired as hell, and my day hadn’t even started yet. After trudging to my bathroom and taking a shower, I decided to dress up a bit to make myself feel better. Instead of jeans, I wore some slacks and wedge heels with a silk blouse that fit my body perfectly. Thankfully, I didn’t have to do my hair since I’d gotten braids. As I stood in the mirror to do my makeup, I smiled at myself. The facial I did last night had my skin glowing. I didn’t have bad skin, but I didn’t want it to become that way either.
My eyes misted a bit as I stared at myself. I looked just like my mother who’d passed away nearly three years ago. I had everything from her skin tone to her high cheekbones. People often thought we were sisters before her hair started graying. She didn’t have a wrinkle in her skin. I was her only child, and we were the best of friends. I was devastated when she died from an abdominal aneurysm. I literally watched her bleed out at the hospital until she was no longer with me, because there was nothing they could do to save her.
My dad passed away when I was sixteen, in a plane crash. He only had a small policy, so I had to immediately go to work. I tried modeling on the side, but that wasn’t cutting it. People just weren’t wanting to pay an amateur. What they were offering wasn’t worth my time. So I just began working jobs until I found one I liked. I ended up working for various offices as an administrative assistant, until I ended up becoming a tech at Crane Logistics.
We helped crane operators get their certifications as well as training. We even did evaluations for employers at times, depending on what all it entailed. I liked my job, and I got to meet people daily. They were mostly men, but the conversations would be engaging and helped the time go by a lot quicker. Most of my coworkers were men as well. I was the only woman in my department that performed certifications. Other women worked in accounting and the human resources office.
After applying light makeup and a bold, red lipstick, I gathered my things and headed to the office. I felt beautiful and not nearly as tired as I did when I first woke up. Getting snazzy always did the trick. I got in my Benz and made my way to the office. I typically listened to my station in my Apple Music account to find new artists and new songs that catered to my preferences, but today, I chose to listen to a playlist to put me in the mood for later.
It was the weekend, and I was ready to wind down. I had a second job that gave me the outlet I needed to destress and unwind. I danced at Club Onyx. Before I could find a job, it was where I ended up. I was naturally good at dancing, and before my dad died, I took dance classes, learning ballet, hip hop, and tap. I incorporated all of it into my routines, and it made me a lot of money. The hardest part was taking off my clothes. I was so shy and considered that to be nasty, but I was desperate at the time.
The owner took me under her wing and assured me that I had the body for the job and that I didn’t have to do anything else I didn’t feel comfortable with. My first performance was rough to say the least. Everyone could tell how tense I was. I’d only made like twenty dollars that night, and that had to be because someone felt sorry for me. I never did lap dances or private dances, because I didn’t want anyone touching me, nor did I want to touch them. I always wore a mask though, because I didn’t want to be recognized outside of the club.
I found that patrons tended to like that air of mystery. Once I got a regular nine to five, the owner allowed me to only work weekends. Those were the busiest days anyway. I only did one dance on stage a night now, and I left immediately after. She was happy that I chose to stay, because she said a lot of patrons came on the weekends just to see me. My performances had gotten one hundred times better, and I realized zoning out and pretending I was in my bedroom proved to be effective in keeping me relaxed and loose.
After stopping to get donuts, I got to work right on time. I grabbed my bag and mumbled to myself, “Here goes nothing.”
