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Sheswipes a lone tear from her cheek angrily and gestures at the plush confines of the carriage. “You couldn’t leave all this finery?”
“I couldn’t leave my brother.”
That draws her up short.
“I couldn’t take him with me,” I continue. “How would I? And even if I could, then . . . ?what? Leave Kandala to the consuls? I can barely negotiate a reasonable price out of Allisander Sallister for Moonflower petals as it is. He’s worse than his father was. It’s a delicate balance of keeping him happy and keeping our people as healthy as we can. He would volley for power, and considering all he has at his disposal, he’d likely get it.” I pause, then run a hand across my jaw. “Yes. I saw the suffering, Tessa, the same as you. But if Allisander were in power, medicine would be twice as scarce, and the fevers would be twice as deadly.”
She’s staring at me now.
“You can hate me,” I say. “Lord knows everyone else does. But you do not know this side of it.”
She’s gone completely still. The tears seem to have frozen on her cheeks.
I don’t blame her.
But I can’t keep her prisoner. She’ll always hate me. She’ll never trust me. Knowing she’s safe in the palace isn’t any comfort at all if she’s hardly more than a dove locked in a gilded cage.
That’s my life, not hers.
“I’m not going to kill you. I’m not going to throw you in the Hold.” I blow a breath through my teeth. “Hell, if you want to leave, I’ll call the carriage to stop. I’ll step out to speak with the captain, and you can slip away.”
Ireach for my waist and slip the buckle of my belt, freeing my dagger. I hold it out to her. “I don’t have a treble hook handy, but you can take my blade if you like.”
She blinks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “This is a trick.”
“I have never tricked you.” I catch myself and roll my eyes. “Well. At any rate, I am not tricking you now.”
She glances from the dagger to my face and then to the window. Her fingers are trembling again.
“Tessa,” I say softly. “I let you think I died because I wanted you to stay out of the Royal Sector. I wanted to keep you safe.”
I drop to a knee before her and press the dagger into her hand.
She glances at it and then up at me. “I can leave. Just like that?”
My chest has grown tight again, and my breathing feels shallow. I force emotion out of my head, reminding myself of who and what I am. The King’s Justice spares no thought for loss or pity.
“Head southeast,” I say brusquely. “There’s a small gate in the wall where the terrain dips. It looks old and rusted, and there’s a padlock, but the hinges are fake, and you can pull the pins from underneath. Do you understand?”
She nods, dumbfounded.
“Captain!” I call. The carriage lurches to a stop.
I pull a small pouch from my pocket and toss it into Tessa’s lap, and it jingles with silver. “That should be more than enough to start over.”
“Wait—”
I can’t wait. If I wait, I’ll change my mind. “You have five minutes,” I say. “We’ll be facing away from the carriage.”
Without a backward glance, I slip the latch on the door and spring out.
