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“Doing what?”
“Hiding who you are.”
He ducks away, but I put a palm against his cheek, and he goes still.
“You are,” I say. “You say you can’t be altruistic—but I think you can. I think youwantto be. Instead, you set everyone you meet as an adversary. You turn people into opponents before they have a chance to be an ally. Even the day I snuck into the palace and you had me chained in your quarters, you could have been kind, and you could have been gentle, and you could’veexplained.”
His eyes close. His jaw is so tight.
I brush my thumb against his cheek, tracing the skin his mask once covered. “You said you never took the mask off in the Wilds because you couldn’t take a chance that I might recognize you. But I don’t think that’s true. I think you were afraid for me to know who you were. I think the King’s Justice is afraid to be vulnerable, even in front of me.”
He flinches.
“Cory,” I whisper, and his breath catches.
“You don’t like who I am, Tessa.”
“I don’t like who you pretend to be.” I swallow, and it hurts. “I love the man I think you are. But sometimes it takes me a little while to figure out which one is real, and which one is just another face you show others.”
His eyes search mine, but he says nothing.
“Like when you came on board,” I say. “That first night.” My cheeks grow warm, but I force myself to keep going. “You wereso careful in the palace, and then we were here, and I thought maybe—”
“I know what you thought.” His voice is rough. “I stepped onto this ship, and I realized what I was leaving behind. What I was risking. And I was so relieved that we would be facing it together. It reminded me of the Wilds, and I … I found myself regretting all the times we could have been together, and I stopped you. Because you’re right about everything. I know what Lochlan said, and I now realize how it seemed, and for that, I apologize. Truly.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
“Lord, Tessa. Never apologize to me. You always make me better.”
“Is that really what you think?” He frowns, and I rush on, “In the candy shop, I thought you were going to kill that man.”
“I didn’t.”
“No! I know you didn’t.” I can’t meet his eyes now. “But I thought you were going to, and when you didn’t, I was … I was so worried that the only reason you didn’t kill him was because I was standing right there.”
His lip quirks up, as if he’s somewhat confounded but also amused. “I feel as though you’re proving my point.”
“No! I just—” I blow a breath through my teeth and stare at him. I know exactly what he means about vulnerability, because this is so hard to say while looking into his eyes. My voice is very small. “Sometimes … sometimes you are still very frightening.”
He inhales, but I put a hand up. “Wait!” I say. “Please. The worst part is that … is that I know youhaveto be. I’ve seen that. I know the King’s Justice can’t be some benevolent figure either. I know what’s at risk for you and Harristan. I do.” I pause. “I just … I wish sometimes your illusions weren’tsoeffective.”
“No illusions now,” he says.
It’s the same thing he said to me once before, when he was covered in blood and shaking from what he’d had to do to two men who’d attempted to escape from the Hold.
But this is different. Thismomentis different. My heart flutters, but Corrick draws himself up, putting distance between us.
“When we were in Kandala,” he says, “I should have made some declarations.” He pauses, studying me. “I regret that I didn’t, because now I worry that I’m too late.”
“You’re not too late,” I say softly.
“I love you, Tessa,” he says, and I inhale sharply, because I wasn’t ready for him to come right out with it.
He touches a finger to my lips. “Let me finish.”
I nod.
“I have always loved you,” he says. “I love your brilliance and your courage. I love your faith in me, and your faith in my brother, and your faith in Kandala.” His hand slides to my cheek, and his blue eyes soften, filling my vision. “I don’t ever want to frighten you. I want to take actions that will make you proud.” His jaw clenches, just for a moment. “But I will never be wholly altruistic. Even now, I want to go back on deck and make him regret eveninsinuatingthat he would use you against me—”
