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“What the hell…?”
“Keep watching, it gets better,” she said. “Actually, it gets worse.”
I put down my popcorn. I’d suddenly lost my appetite. The next few scenes came in quick succession: A long shot of me buying an umbrella during a rain shower. Me walking through Lincoln Park Zoo. Then a grainy scene of me sitting in my recliner in my living room.My living room!I looked over at Meed.
“Needed my extra-long lens for that one,” she said, tossing a handful of popcorn into her mouth. By now, I was used to feeling violated. But this was something else. And it made me mad.
“What was the fuckingpoint?” I asked. “Tell me! You obviously knew who I was. Why didn’t you just grab me the first day you saw me? Why all this Peeping-Tom bullshit??”
Meed nodded toward the screen. “Pay attention. I don’t want you to miss the theme here.”
I looked back to see myself opening my door for a pizza delivery guy. Then riding a rental bike on the Lakefront Trail. Then tossing bread to a family of ducks in a pond.
“See what I mean?” said Meed. “Boring, boring, boring. Also repetitive, dull, and monotonous. That’s what your life was. Same Caffè Americano every morning. Same tuna sandwich for lunch. Same miso dressing on your salad. Your favorite cable channel is Nat Geo. You subscribe toScientific AmericanandAnthropology Today. You watch YouTube videos of Margaret Mead, for God’s sake! In four months, you went to three museums and not a single rock concert.”
Yep. There I was, walking into the Chicago History Museum. Then the Museum of Science and Industry. Then a night shot of me walking out of the Adler Planetarium. I felt my face getting red. I was starting to feel embarrassed and defensive.
“I live a quiet life, so what? We can’t all be spies and kidnappers.”
Meed leaned in close. I could smell the popcorn on her breath. “Correction,” she said. “You don’t live a quiet life. You live anothinglife. But don’t worry, that’s all about to change. Believe me, you’llwantit to change.” She turned back to the screen. “After you watch this a few hundred more times.”
CHAPTER 13
Eastern Russia
18 Years Ago
MEED, AGE TWELVE, stood on a frozen lake wearing a blue one-piece swimsuit and rubber sandals. Nothing else. She hunched and trembled along with her classmates as they stood in a ragged line about a hundred yards from shore. In front of them were two large circular holes in the ice, exactly thirty yards apart. The holes had been cut before dawn by supervisors with chainsaws. Meed had heard the sound from her bed. The shivering had started then. For weeks, she’d known this test was coming.
Annika was wearing a fur jacket over black leggings and boots. She walked to the edge of the closer hole. Bluish-green water lapped against the opening. The ice that rimmed the hole was three inches thick. Annika turned to the class.
“Keep your wits,” she said. “Swim in a straight line. Block out the fear. Block out the cold. Block out failure.” She looked over the class. “Who’s first?”
Meed glanced sideways as Irina stepped forward.
“Good, Irina,” said Annika. “Show them the way.”
Irina stepped up to the hole. She kicked off her sandals. She knelt on the ice, her knees at the edge of the opening. She raised her arms over her head, leaned forward, and tipped herself into the water. The soles of her feet flashed for a second at the surface, and then she was gone, leaving a swirl of bubbles behind. Annika pressed the Start button on a stopwatch. Desperate and scared, some of the students began to huddle together for warmth, pressing their bodies against one another. Until Annika noticed.
“No clusters!” she shouted. “This is a solitary exercise. You have only yourself.” The girls stepped back, restoring the gaps between them. Annika looked toward the distant hole and checked her stopwatch. Fifteen seconds. Then twenty.
Meed stamped her feet on the ice and stared through the mist. From where she stood, the far hole looked like a small, dark wafer. Suddenly the water in the hole frothed. Two arms shot out. Irina! Wriggling like a fish, she worked her way onto the surface and jumped to her feet. She trotted with small steps toward the class, doing her best to stay balanced. When she got close to the group, Annika reached into a plastic tub and tossed her a thin blanket. Then she turned toward the rest of the line.
“Next!”
One by one, the students made the dive. One by one, they emerged shaking and stunned, grateful to be alive. Meed was second to last, just before Bystro, the Asian girl. When it was her turn, Meed did not hesitate. She jumped in feetfirst.
The freezing water hit her like a hammer, forcing the breath out of her. She surfaced again for a second to take a fresh gulp of air, then started scissor-kicking her way under the ice. Below her, the water was pitch-black. She stayed close to the surface, letting her shoulders and heels bump against the ice roof as she swam. Her lungs burned. Her heart pounded. White bubbles trickled from her nose and mouth.
Just as her air was about to give out, she sensed a slight shift in the light above her. She stretched one arm up and felt cold air. As soon as her head cleared the water, she looked back to see Bystro plunging into the first hole. The terrified girl had waited until she had no choice.
Meed walked quickly back toward the rest of the class. Annika tossed her a blanket as she checked her stopwatch for Bystro’s time. Twenty seconds. Then thirty. She began to walk toward the distant hole. Forty seconds. The students walked forward, too, a few steps at a time, staring down at the ice.
Meed spotted her first. “Bystro!” she shouted.
The slender girl was just a faint shape beneath the ice, yards off course, flailing and twisting. Meed dropped to her knees, pounding on the hard surface. But there was no way to break through. The ice was too thick. Annika was standing over her now. The white of Bystro’s palms showed through the ice, pressing desperately from the other side. Then, one at a time, her hands pulled away. Her pale figure faded. A few seconds later, she dropped completely out of sight. Meed screamed with rage.
Annika stopped her watch.
