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“I’m not in any pain,” I lied. It was a tiny lie. I was only in a small amount of pain. Not enough to make me give up seeing Duke today. “Where’s–”
“Workout room upstairs,” he told me in a resigned voice.
I smiled my thanks and gingerly moved toward the stairs.
35.Duke
A round of applause cut into my thoughts.
I carefully placed the medicine ball down and looked around to see what the commotion was about… then cursed under my breath.
The teen hockey guys working out up here were all clapping for Claire entering the weight room. Everyone had heard about what had happened and everyone was feeling bad she couldn’t be here at the rink. She smiled politely at them, but the smile slid off her face when she saw me.
My first thought was that there was no way she should’ve been out of bed. She looked weak. Her skin was ghostly white, and she was moving very slowly with purposeful steps. She was wearing an old, cropped hoodie and baggy sweatpants that were rolled up multiple times at the waist so that they’d stay put on her hips– they were probably her only pair that didn’t squeeze her where she was still sore. I could easily spot the bandages peeping out between her pants and hoodie.
It took all of me not to pick her up, take her home, and tuck her into her twin-sized bed. I’d crawl into the covers behind her and she’d be safe that way…
But that couldn’t happen.
And I cursed Craig for letting her come here today. Not only because it wasn’t safe yet, but because I was avoiding her. Plain and simple. That was the truth. I knew I had to face her one of these days, but I couldn’t bear to even think about breaking up with her. So, I’d been keeping my distance, hoping for some kind of clarity on the situation. But now that she was here, it had to happen.
I leaned against the weight sets, waiting for her to walk the full length of the room. I looked in the mirror and schooled myself to lock up my emotions. They needed no part in this conversation.
“How are you feeling?” I asked her when she reached me.
She gave me a funny look. “Um… not bad.” She looked down at my walking boot. “Well, that’s good, right?”
I nodded and continued my next lift.
She waited patiently for me to finish.
“I’m kinda confused,” she said quietly. Her eyes searched around to make sure we couldn’t be overheard. “Are you mad at me because of your foot? I’m sorry. I feel guilty, okay?”
I felt my jaw grind in frustration and tried to avoid looking down at her. If I did, I knew I’d be the one feeling guilty and I’d probably break… and I couldn’t. This was already too hard.
“No. Don’t,” I said quietly.
“Don’t? Don’t what?” she asked hesitantly.
“Don’t feel guilty,” I grinded out before walking to another station.
She crossed her arms in front of her chest and moved slowly to follow me. “Then what is it? Why aren’t we talking? Why aren’t we dating now?” She laughed kinda dryly.
I continued to focus on the work out equipment, trying to make my brain work faster to find any sort of usable excuse.
“Was it… Was it bad for you or something? Like am I… not good at it?” she asked quietly.
That finally brought my eyes to her round, innocent ones, and it made me feel like a total dick.
“That’s definitely not it. Don’t doubt yourself in that area. Ever,” I told her firmly.
She shrugged and looked smaller and less confident than I’d ever seen her before, and I hated it. I hated that I did that to her.
I swallowed and closed my eyes tightly. “It’s because if I date you, then I know it's over… And you’ll have to accept that it’s over too,” I confessed.
Her face cracked with confusion. “What do you mean?”
I sighed. “I mean, that’s it. We’re it for each other, Claire. There would be no going back. There would be no one else. So, once we date, that’s the next chapter of our lives. That’s the real deal. And I…”
