AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Same thing.” He’s sitting on the bench, still dressed in the same clothes from earlier. I suddenly feel terribly underdressed in my pale blue plaid pajama pants and black tank top. I cross my arms over my small breasts despite the darkness, suddenly very aware that I’m not wearing a bra. “Too much on my mind, I guess.”
It’s ridiculous to hope that I might be something on his mind, but it flickers into my head anyway. “I thought I’d take a walk around the gardens. Want to come with me?”
I see him hesitate, but he nods, standing up and brushing his hands over his thighs. “Sure,” he says offhandedly, coming down the gazebo steps and joining me on the path that winds through the bushes and plants that fill the garden.
“We’re supposed to leave for Boston tomorrow.” I glance up at the starry sky, trying not to notice how close he is to me, how it feels as if he might brush against me at any moment. “One of the foundation meetings. Caterina wasn’t sure if she should leave the babies, but Viktor convinced her she needs some time away.”
“I’m sure it will be good for her.” Max glances at me. “You like Boston?”
I shrug. “I like it well enough. I like seeing Ana, and Saoirse and Maggie are nice enough. I can’t say I love it, but we have fun when we’re there.” I pause, feeling that unsettled sensation flicker through me again. “I like it here.”Here with you, I want to say, but I don’t. The moment between us is nice, and I don’t want to say or do anything that might ruin it.
“I do too. It’s part of why I’ve stayed for so long.” We reach an arched part of the path, flowering bushes spread out all around us and a gorgeous view of the stars arching over the greenhouse ahead. “It feels a little like paradise out here sometimes, I think, nestled away from the city like this. Like a safe, private bubble.”
“That’s how I feel too,” I say softly, aware all over again of how his shoulder is nearly brushing mine, the warmth of him. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t ever want to leave.”
“Do you think you’ll have to?” He turns towards me, his hazel eyes glimmering faintly in the dark, and I feel my heartbeat catch in my throat. “Leave, I mean.”
“I hope not.” My voice drops to a whisper as if someone else might hear us, as if I’m saying something I shouldn’t, when there’s nothing unusual about what I’m saying at all. “I don’t know—I feel like sometimes I’m supposed to want to. That I’m supposed to want to do something else.”
Max shrugs lightly. “Families have au pairs that live in their homes all the time. This is nothing different. And I know Caterina appreciates you.”
He doesn’t mean it, I know, but his words sting—a reminder that at the end of the day, the Andreyevs are my employers, as my therapist keeps telling me, not my friends. Not my family.
“I keep hearing that I’m supposed to—get out there.” I wave my hand generically in the direction of away, vaguely towards the city. “Meet other people, do something else.”
“You will when you’re ready. There’s no need to rush.”
He’s still looking at me, his body turned towards mine, so close that I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to. The sense of yearning that sweeps over me suddenly is so strong it makes me feel light-headed for a moment. I have to fight to keep my hands at my sides, to not reach out and press them against his chest, curl my fingers into his shirt and feel the brush of hair against them, the warmth of skin.
Not to feel him.
I can smell that hint of his cologne again, lemon and salt. His mouth is full and firm, and with another dizzying wave of longing, I can imagine it pressed against mine, his hands on my waist as lightly as he touched my forehead earlier at first, and then gripping me tighter, pulling me in to him—
“Are you alright?” Max frowns, dragging me out of my fantasy. “You look flushed.”
Because of you,I want to say. Because of how close you are to me right now, because of the way I want you to touch me, kiss me—show me everything I’ve been missing. Because you’re the only man I can trust.
“It’s just a little warm out.” I laugh, trying to sound self-deprecating. “And I’m not used to drinking.”
“Well, it was your party. You deserve to get a little tipsy.” Max clears his throat, stepping back. “I should probably go back and try to get some sleep. I hope you can too, Sasha.”
My breath catches in my throat at the sound of my name on his lips, but he’s already turning away. “I hope so too,” I say quietly, but I don’t finish the sentence as I watch him leave, feeling suddenly cold despite the warmth of the night.
I’m going to dream about you.
8
SASHA
As expected, Idodream about Max—but not the spicy, enjoyable dreams I’d hoped for. Instead, I’m back in the bar, being rejected over and over as I flirt with him, only to have him turn me down, walking away towards someone else. I wake up with a headache, feeling tired and bleary-eyed, and not at all ready to face the day.
I’m determined not to let Caterina see, though, or give her any reason to think that last night upset me in any way. I splash water over my face to hide any redness in my eyes, pull my hair up into a high ponytail, and throw on jeans and a sleeveless shirt before heading downstairs to help with breakfast.
“Sleep well?” Caterina asks when I see her. She’s already at the table, sans Viktor this morning, who likely had some pressing business that meant he couldn’t enjoy family breakfast. “Hungover?”
Her voice is lightly teasing, and it occurs to me that my headache might be from something other than just poor sleep. “Maybe?” I say questioningly, and she laughs, pushing a plate of cheesy eggs, raisin toast, and bacon toward me.
“This ought to help,” Caterina says firmly. “The cheese and bacon really does it.”
