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I don’t see any sign of Max before the driver comes for our bags. I tell Anika, Yelena, and the babies goodbye, and Caterina kisses all of them, going over the instructions with Rachel one more time before we leave. As I’m walking to the car with Sofia, I see Viktor pull her close, his hand sliding into her hair as his other hand grips her waist. “I will miss you,lyubimaya,” I hear him murmur. I feel that familiar ache in my chest that comes from just howunfamiliarsuch a thing is to me.
I force myself not to think about it, most of all, not to imagine Max kissing me like that and calling mecara miaas I’ve so often heard Luca murmur to Sofia. Instead, I remind myself of what Caterina said earlier and that she meant it from a loving place, not a hurtful one. She wants to see me happy, and I know that’s the truth. Instead, I try to focus on the trip ahead.
I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of traveling by private jet. A year ago, such a thing would have been unthinkable, and now it’s my expected mode of transportation when we go to Boston. It’s another reminder of how much better my life is now in so many ways. I tell myself that as Caterina and I settle into the buttery leather seats and the attendant brings us champagne.
“I miss my children already,” Caterina says with a sigh as she takes a sip. “But it’s nice to have a few days away, just us girls. I haven’t had that since Dimitri and Viktoria were born.”
“You deserve it,” I tell her firmly. “And we’ll have a good time, even if half of it is meetings.”
“Even the meetings aren’t that much of a chore,” Sofia says from her own seat just across the aisle. “I haven’t had alone time, just us girls, since Gio was born either. I’ll miss him and Luca, but it’ll feel good to recuperate.”
I’m looking forward to the time away, too, even if I miss the children just as much, as if they were my own. It feels nice to sip champagne and nibble on fruit as the plane takes off, curled up in the soft, comfortable seat while I finish my book on the two-hour flight to Boston.
A car is waiting for us on the tarmac to take us to the McGregor estate, and the three of us pile in as our bags are brought to the car. I can’t ever quite get used to how much is doneforme when I’m not acting as the Andreyev nanny. I don’t clean, cook my own meals, drive myself anywhere, or carry my own luggage. Sofia and I bonded over that, as she didn’t grow up with those things either, even if she had a more normal childhood and young adulthood than I did—and isn’t that much older than I am, either. Caterina is used to it, and it’s always blown my mind how someone could go their whole life like that. It’s unimaginable to me, and I’m always careful not to get too used to it, in case one day it’s taken away.
When we get to the McGregor estate, Saoirse is waiting to greet us. “I’m so happy you’re here!” She kisses Caterina and Sofia on the cheek and gives me a quick hug. “Anastasia is upstairs, but she’ll be down in a few minutes. I think she’s having trouble getting Brigit down for a nap.” She smiles. “The nanny will let me know when Sean wakes up, so you can finally meet him! But for now, if you want to go upstairs, Vicky made up the same rooms as before.”
The first couple of times that we flew in for foundation meetings, we’d all stayed in a hotel. But since a car bomb put Saoirse in the hospital some months ago, Liam and Connor insisted that we all stay at the estate, where there are plenty of guest rooms and better security. It’s caused slight tension, since Ana and Caterina aren’t the best of friends these days, after Caterina shared her discovery of Ana’s daughter’s parentage with Saoirse in an effort to settle the matter of the Kings’ inheritance. But Ana is wise enough now to the ways of the mob families to know that holding a grudge against Caterina won’t change anything, and would only cause strife that would ripple down to her family, eventually. Things might be cool between them for now, but the common goals of their families, her friendship with Sofia, and Saoirse’s foundation are the glue that keeps things between them from dissolving completely.
“We’re going out to dinner in a bit,” Saoirse calls from the bottom of the stairs. “That new restaurant I told you about, Caterina, if you all want to get freshened up.”
Caterina looks excited, and I try to look as if I feel the same. I’m exhausted from not sleeping well and the party last night, and I’d actually hoped for a nap. But I don’t want to seem as if I don’t want to spend time with the others. The restaurantdoessound good, even if those types of outings remind me that without Caterina, I’d never be able to afford to go somewhere like that.
With the three of us dispersed to our rooms, I flop back on the cloud-like, queen-sized bed, closing my eyes for just a moment and trying to let some of the tension in me dissolve.You’re away from home for a few days. Try to enjoy it.
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I end up wearing the green silk tank dress that Caterina picked out for me, and the studded sandals and rose-gold hoops again. The dress is an excellent pick—it brings out the green of my eyes. I try to do my makeup to enhance that effect, dusting champagne and rose shadow over my lids and outlining them with a dark brown pencil. I curl my hair and put it up in a high, bouncy ponytail, adding a matte rosy lip again as usual, and survey the effect in the mirror.
I wish Max could see me like this.
As if it would make a difference.
Like an angel and devil on my shoulder, my therapist’s voice and mine war with each other, leaving me feeling a little dejected—mostly because after Caterina’s cautionary speech earlier, I know it probablywouldn’tmake a difference. Max might appreciate how I look tonight and might even be turned on by it, but in the end, he’d walk away just like he did last night if I tried to flirt or if he started to feel anything.
Don’t think about it,I tell myself as I head downstairs to join the others.Just don’t. There’s no point in ruining your trip.
The others are waiting in Saoirse and Ana’s grand living room, a rainbow of elegantly dressed women. I always wonder how Saoirse and Ana, both so very different from each other and once enemies, manage to share an estate. The McGregor estate is huge, it’s true, but I’m surprised that it’s big enough for both of them to live without scratching each other’s eyes out. They get along well enough now to both be on the foundation board—more out of Liam’s insistence that his wife is included than anything else, and sharing the estate is part of the brothers’ agreement to share the rule of their family. Ana and Liam have apartments in a section of the estate, entirely outfitted with their own staff and living quarters. Saoirse and Connor have another part, with common areas as well—not unlike fucking Buckingham Palace, I think wryly to myself.
Saoirse is wearing a soft-looking ribbed off-shoulder bodysuit in a milky cream color that suits her complexion and red hair, with wide-legged pants over it and heels, despite the fact that she gave birth not all that long ago. There are diamonds at her ears and neck and wrists, her flaming hair twisted into an elegant updo, and it feels a little as if she’s showing off, the queen of the group. But she’s always been like that, raised to be a modern Irish princess, married to the eldest of the Irish Kings, and I don’t dislike her for it. I just feel—intimidated.
Next to her, the others look lovely, but less queenly. Ana is wearing a pretty silk slip dress in black with a huge watercolor rose print scattered over it and her usual flats, her blonde hair loose around her face. She looks tired, as she usually does—I’ve heard Brigit isn’t the easiest baby—but she looks happy to be reunited with Sofia, who is wearing a red silk sleeveless shirt the same color as the roses in Ana’s dress, a black pencil skirt, and heels with her dark hair loose. Caterina is wearing a cranberry chiffon maxi dress with thin straps, her hair in a messy bun, and with light makeup on. They all look relaxed and radiant, enjoying their time away from their children and husbands.
I can’t help but feel like the odd one out—neither born into this life nor married to a man in it, like Sofia is. I hope Maggie will be at dinner, the only other member of the board who is also neither a member of the mob aristocracy nor married to anyone who is a part of it—in fact, she, like me, is very single. She’s on the board as Saoirse’s friend and to provide a more down-to-earth point of view—she works as a teacher in Boston, and has plenty of insight into the needs of the women and children here—and I’m on the board as a voice for the other focus of Saoirse’s foundation, formerly trafficked women.
Which, like it or not, I am.
We all pile into the car, which has champagne chilled and ready for us, the women laughing and chattering. I join in, especially when Ana asks about Anika and Yelena, filling her in on how they’ve been.
“What are the boys up to tonight?” Caterina asks mischievously, and Saoirse laughs.
“Well, Connor took it as a chance to go and get drunk with Jacob and the rest of his old gang. He’ll be partying with them tomorrow night, too—since I plan forusto have a little party of our own at the estate. And Liam is with Niall. They went to some fight and then out for beers.”
“Will Isabella be meeting us?” Sofia asks, and Saoirse’s expression immediately sours.
“No,” she says flatly, and no one brings it up again.
We’re all well aware of how Saoirse feels about Isabella, Niall’s wife, and none of us are sure how sustainable it is. Niall is Liam’s best friend, and now has a seat at the Kings’ table, thanks to his successful obtaining of an alliance with a Mexican cartel. It’s all far more complicated politics than I’m aware of. Still, I hear snippets of what Viktor and Caterina talk about, especially at the dinner table. I know Saoirse thinks she can exclude Isabella forever, since she sees Niall as no one of consequence, just Liam’s “dog to heel,” as she called him once—though her feelings towards him now are that of a spurned lover. The two of them had a brief affair—and it ended poorly between them.
