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I find Levin where he said he’d be, in his office on the floor level of the condominium where Viktor’s new charges are housed. Twelve of them, to be exact, in this first group, sent to be trained by the infamous Levin Volkov as assassins, spies, and bodyguards. I figured five or so would pass. Levin’s estimate was closer to three.
“Max.” He looks up from his desk, pushing a sheaf of papers aside. “We need to talk.”
“So you said.” I sit down, rubbing my hand over the back of my neck. Levin’s face is more serious than usual, and I can feel the tension rippling down my spine. “Did Viktor ask you to talk to me?”
“Viktor doesn’t know yet.” Levin props his elbows on the desk, his lips thinning. “He’s got a lot on his plate these days. I thought I’d discuss this with you first. It’s new information, anyway. Beth got in touch with me yesterday, before I knew you were back in town.”
“Beth?” I raise an eyebrow. Beth Wan is a hacker, one of the best, based somewhere in D.C. Liam was the one to introduce her to his other associates, and since then, she’s come in handy with useful information a number of times. I’m not sure, though, what she could have to do with me and my situation.
Levin eyes me, as if sizing up my reaction to something. “She tracks a handful of ongoing issues for us,” he says calmly. “One of those has to do with your past—dealings.”
“You mean Angelo.” I frown. “It’s not news that his brother wants me dead. That’s why I’m under Viktor’s protection in the first place, to keep the Asti family from hunting me down.”
“Well, it looks like that brother is paying less attention to the rules of protection these days.” Levin frowns. “He’s been asking about you. Tracking your movements. It looks like he might be coming here. Beth found a record of him buying a plane ticket to Chicago a few days ago. Now, it’s possible that he’s just got some business of his own there. Still, with the anniversary of his brother’s death coming up, the timing seems a little coincidental, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, it fucking does.” I glance at the screenshot that Levin has brought up on his tablet, sent over by Beth, no doubt. “I guess he got fucking tired of waiting for Viktor’s goodwill to wear off.”
“Which it won’t, of course.” Levin glances at me. “Unless your presence starts to put his family in danger—at which point he might very well decide that the privilege of keeping you above-ground should be passed to someone else…or taken away altogether.” He switches off the tablet, the screen going black. “Viktor wants to help you. We both know that. But you know as well as I do, especially after Russia, that Viktor isn’t going to tolerate any danger coming near his wife or children again.”
“Which is why you haven’t told him yet.” I rub my hand over my mouth, considering. “If Angelo’s brother starts to infringe on Viktor’s borders, then it’ll be a Bratva issue. He won’t make it past Viktor’s soldiers, if they’re told to make him enemy number one.”
“If Viktor is willing to risk that.” Levin raises an eyebrow. “He’s not unaware that you have powerful leverage you’re not using, Max. That you’re resting on his goodwill while squandering some of your own.”
“We’ve talked about this.” My jaw tightens, irritation rising up quick and hot. Levin is my friend, but as far as I’m concerned, he’s close to crossing a line. “Viktor is well aware of why I haven’t taken that road.”
“He might not be so reasonable about it if it brings the danger to his doorstep.”
“He knew the risks when he offered me protection.” I grit my teeth, trying to force myself to stay calm. I usually have a better grasp on my emotions than this, but the dream and the morning that followed left me rattled. I wasn’t prepared to deal with this.
Levin shakes his head, letting out a long breath. “This is foolishness, Max, and you know it,” he says quietly. “Man to man, friend to friend, I’m telling you this. You have an inheritance you refuse to claim, a name that you refuse to use. It’s a name that once held as much weight as Andreyev, Rossi, or McGregor. You could take your place among them instead of begging for the scraps of their protection, running Viktor’s errands to keep him happy. And yet you cling to vows that don’t matter anymore.”
“They matter to me.” The words come out harsh, ground from between my teeth. “They’re all I have left.”
“Of your old life.” Levin shrugs, his blue eyes looking keenly at me. “There’s a whole new world you could have instead, Max, instead of clinging to dusty doctrine and half-broken vows. They were quick to throw you away when you stepped out of line. When you followed the path of loyalty to your own blood, instead of that of a God who doesn’t know you, and doesn’t care.”
“It’s not about religion.” I shake my head. “It’s about keeping my word. Vengeance for my brother was one thing. It was a decision I made, and not one I can say without the sin of lying that I regret. But for my own life? For wealth, or power, or—”
“Or a different kind of love?” Levin’s gaze rests heavily on me. “You’ve doomed yourself to a life of loneliness and danger, Max, looking over your shoulder at every turn with no one to lean on for yourself, and again—for what?” He lets out a long sigh. “You know me the way I am with women now, but I loved someone very much, once. It changed me for the better.”
I glare at him. “And what happened to her?”
The silence that hangs between us could be cut with a knife. Levin shoves his chair back, standing up, and I know the conversation between us is finished. “It’s up to you if you want to talk to Viktor about this or if you want to leave it. But I won’t sit on this long. I’m not willing to risk my place here and his trust—not even for you.” His blue eyes glitter keenly, fixed on me. “Think this through, Max. No one but you puts so much weight on these vows you made. It’s time to think about why you cling to them so tightly—and what you think would happen, exactly, if you let go.”
As I leave, I’m simmering with anger, but his words stick with me. For the first time, I feel a hesitation—a flickering of doubt. When I was still a part of the priesthood, I would have taken that as a sign to dig my heels in deeper, to recommit myself, and deny the temptation to falter. But now, far enough removed from it for those flickerings to linger, I can’t help but ask myself the same questions.
What would happen if I let go? If I began again, without any of the trappings of my former life?
What would happen if I renounced it all?
Sasha’s face flickers into my mind’s eye, and I push it away just as quickly. Even if I forsook what remains of my vows, even if I chose to take up what is rightfully mine and live a different life, she could still never be a part of it. Sasha deserves better than me.
No matter what might change, I can never be that man.
6
SASHA
Ihad told Caterina I didn’t need a birthday party—or a big deal made out of the day at all, really—but in typical Caterina fashion, she didn’t listen to me. Which means that I woke up at my usual six a.m. only to come downstairs with my hair slopped into a bun atop my head, in leggings, and a loose t-shirt prepared to help her with the kids’ breakfast, only to find a pile of cinnamon rolls with a candle in the center on the dining room table, coffee already prepared, and everyone waiting for me.
