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Desire wrapped itself around us, tugging us closer to each other. Warmth flowed through me—the same warmth in the ground, the same warmth that had been absent from me for centuries. I stared at her lips. I wanted to suck the bottom one into my mouth and nibble on it. I wanted to feel what her lips would feel like on my skin, working her way down my body until she reached my cock. Her mouth would be heaven around my sex. Her voice was husky, and I wanted to hear it when she cried out as I fucked her.
My body tightened. I leaned closer to her—I wanted her. She was such a delicious young thing that could give me what I wanted.
I could fill her up and use her until there was nothing left.
A part of me reveled in the idea, and I reached for her. A small voice at the back of my mind reminded me she was more than just a toy to be used, an object of desire. I wanted her to like what we were doing, too. I didn’t just want to use her and discard her.
I gritted my teeth and pulled my hand back.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I bit out. “Don’t tell me what it means to be a Conjurite, what it means to feel. Or not.” I had to fight this urge to be with her, to claim her, to take her—I wasn’t the right male for Hazel, and she deserved something better.
What about what you deserve?
The voices in my head drove me crazy, the back and forth between two parts of myself. I wasn’t right, I wasn’t right, I wasn’t right. I had to keep telling myself that.
In fact, if ever there was awrongmale for Hazel, I would be it.
She was irresistible, and although I knew I had to stay away from her…I couldn’t.
“I’m not the enemy, Erol,” she said hotly.
I bristled, and my magic rose around me, the darkness irritated by her light, my ego irritated by her words.
Hazel matched my power with hers, her magic rising to meet mine. They clashed against each other, the daylight flickering around us as her light and my darkness tussled. Hazel pursed her lips, and her eyes locked on mine, determination clear on her face.
I fought her, pushing my darkness toward her. I was far more powerful than she was. She had more power than I’d expected, but…
“Erol,” she said softly. “Is this really who you want to be?”
Her quiet words despite the force of her magic pulled me up short, and my magic died down.
“What?”
“It’s always a choice, you know.”
I blinked at her. It wasn’t a choice. The voices, the darkness, the urges and needs that controlled me…they weren’t a choice. Becoming a Conjurite had been, but this was the nightmare that being a Conjurite was, where my body didn’t only belong to me anymore. I shared a life with the darkness, I shared a body with the kind of power that had a will of its own and—
Hazel lifted her hand to my face, and when she touched me, the war inside me settled. I took a deep breath, and calm flowed through me. Her healing power pulsed through me, driving the darkness away a little. It wasn’t far off, and when it came back, it would be in full force. For now, I could breathe.
“It’s okay,” she said to me, even though I hadn’t said anything. Her eyes were a dark blue, and in them, I saw goodness. How long had it been since I’d felt this kind of goodness? Around Aggie, I was aware of the light, but it didn’t feel like this. This felt…good, warm, comfortable. Home.
I leaned in. This time, it wasn’t my need for her taking over. I wanted to be closer to the warmth, closer to the peace that came with it. I closed the distance between us. She leaned in, too. The darkness in me rejoiced. This was what I wanted. The good in me warred with it. I wasn’t taking anything, she was offering.
Take what you want, don’t be pathetic.
She’s saying yes, it’s not taking, it’s receiving.
Fool.
When I kissed her, the voices stopped. I only brushed my lips against hers, terrified that if I didn’t focus completely on control, I would lose it and do what I wanted to do—grab her and fuck her.
Darkness rose around us again. My skin itched. Her power frustrated me. I wanted to squash it, to force it away—I wanted to get rid of it, but her mouth was so soft on mine, and despite the ebb and flow of the darkness that threatened to get control of me all the time, the peace and warmth that came from Hazel surged through me like a pulse of its own.
I ached to be plugged into that warmth, so that this freezing hell I was in could be over for a while.
Pathetic. Soft. Weak.
