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I didn’t want to do that.
Hazel was different. She wasn’t a means to an end. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to have a conversation with her, so I could hear her talk again. I wanted to kiss her again, feel her soft lips against mine, taste her tongue swirling around mine.
If you take her and get over yourself, you can squash this ludicrous idea that you want the light. You can get rid of her altogether, and we can keep going the way we always did.
I shook my head.
“Are you okay?” Hazel asked, concerned.
“Fine,” I hissed.
She snapped her mouth shut, eyes wide. Her fear rose to the surface, and my Conjurite magic liked it. I grinned at her.
Uncertainty flickered across her features. She still feared me—her confidence and gentleness had either been a façade or short-lived, and we were back to the hierarchy I understood. She was Luminescent, and I was a Conjurite. She’d chosen a life of weakness, and I’d chosen the path of dark power. She—
The expression on her face stopped my train of thought. Despite fearing me, being uncertain of my behavior, warmth flowed from her again. Either she saw something in me that wasn’t there—or buried so deep I didn’t know about it—or she was a damn fool to keep believing in me. Her faith in me pulsed warmth through me again, and I flashed on her touch, on our kiss.
I still wanted to fuck her. I wanted her beneath me, writhing. I wanted her up against the wall, gasping. I wanted to pin her and take her.
And yet…I wanted to see her have pleasure, too. I wanted her to moan with delight, not fear. I wanted her to look at me with eyes filled with affection and warmth. I wanted to taste her, to relish in her closeness, and feel her hands on my body, gentle and caressing. She had a soft touch whenever she made contact with me, and it was as addicting as it was irritating.
I wanted it.
I wanted her.
Pathetic. Soft. Weak.
“I’ll arrange it and let you know when you’re expected,” I said gruffly. I cleared my throat and stood. “I have things to take care of.”
“Okay,” she said.
She struggled upright. I didn’t bother giving her a hand.
I turned on my heel and marched away. She was nothing but a Luminescent, nothing but an object of pleasure, and I would claim her before the night was out. Now that I moved farther and farther away from her, I could think straight again.
The voice that told me good things that contradicted who I really was faded away until only the darkness remained.
I was still the Conjurite Regent, forced to stay that way for the rest of my life. I couldn’t let her affect me the way she did. What kind of ruler would that make me if I abandoned the darkness I wielded, the power I possessed, for a small woman with light?
A free ruler, a little voice said at the back of my mind.
I squashed it. Everyone wanted to change me, to save me. Rainier, Ellie, Vanya, Nylah.
Hazel.
Did it look like I needed saving? For centuries, I’d done my thing, and it had been fine. I was still alive, and so was my family. I’d done what needed to be done—I’d stepped up to the plate.
13
HAZEL
Iwas in trouble. I was falling for Erol, and that was dangerous. What if he never turned back to the light?
I couldn’t imagine he would choose to stay rooted in darkness. When I was with him, I couldn’t help but feel the spark of light and magic in him. He could still be saved. When he’d kissed me, my power had intertwined with his, creating a new braid of magic that was a lot stronger than anything I’d ever felt from him, or that’d I’d possessed alone.
It wasn’t his dark magic that had wrapped around mine, either. It was that spark inside him, the magic that hid behind the veil of darkness that resided within him.
I found my mom and Zita in my mom’s room, sitting on the bed. They were in deep conversation when I knocked the door and opened it. When I stepped in, they’d been holding hands, and let go of each other. Neither of them jerked away as if I’d caught them in something, but I was aware of their connection.
