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“What are you talking about?” I asked. “How can you say what I did was good?” It was a miracle the damage I’d done had been so minimal, and it was even more of a miracle that Hazel had forgiven me at all.
I’d always been in awe of her good nature and kind heart.
“If it wasn’t for your outburst and the fear you instilled in every single one of those Conjurites, they wouldn’t have been as eager to get rid of the darkness as they were. They’d told their friends and family, and we have a lot more people who want to be helped now. You helped them without knowing it.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t help them; I terrified them. We’re just lucky it turned out right, after all.”
Hazel didn’t answer me, but she didn’t argue with me, either.
“It’s great that we have so many who want to change their lives,” she said instead. “We still don’t know how to do it faster, so that it’s worth our while. It still takes so much out of my mom, and I don’t know how to change that.”
“You’ll figure something out,” I said.
“You didn’t say ‘we,’” she pointed out.
“Yeah, that’s because I’m no help at all. In fact, the only way I can help is by staying far, far away from it all.”
Hazel shook her head. “You can’t hide out here in this cabin forever.”
“I can give it my best shot,” I said.
She smiled at me, but her face became serious again.
“You can’t live in fear of yourself.” She cupped my cheek and ran her fingers through the beard I’d grown over the last few days.
“That’s how Conjurite magic works,” I said with a sigh. “If I fear myself, at least I can deal with that. It’s fearing for everyone else that kills me.”
“You know you don’t have to fear for others,” she said.
I glanced sidelong at her, wondering how much I could say. I could tell her anything, I knew. Hazel wouldn’t hurt me. She didn’t have a bad bone in her body. She’d come all the way over here to find me, to tell me she was in love with me.
To bring me back.
“I’ve had to fear for others my whole life,” I said. “I didn’t turn away from the light because I wanted the dark power. I did it to save my family.”
Hazel frowned, so I told her the whole story—how Falx and Lavinia had come to me because of my power and forced me to give up the light, or they would hurt my mom and my sister. When I finished telling her the story, Hazel’s eyes were wide and filled with sympathy and pain.
“I can’t believe you had to go through that,” she said softly. “I’m so sorry.”
I shrugged and tucked one arm under my head, looking up at the ceiling.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s my burden to bear. Don’t we all have parts of our past that we keep to ourselves?”
“Not like that, Erol.”
I glanced at her but then looked up at the ceiling again.
Through the bond we’d forged, I felt Hazel’s sadness at what I’d been through. It was heartwarming that she cared so much, but it would only drag her under if she cared that much about something she couldn’t change.
I opened my mouth to say as much, but she spoke first.
“Bring them to the castle,” she said.
“What?”
“Your mother and sister. Bring them to stay at the castle.” She pushed herself up on one elbow, her hair falling over her shoulder and arm. “I’m serious, let them live with us. We’ll go through the steps with you so you can give up the darkness and turn back to the light, and while we’re doing that, we can look after them with our magic. Zita will look after them physically and magically, and we can make sure that they’re safe.”
I stared at her before I shook my head.
