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I bristled, my fear and panic giving way to anger and resentment. I hadn’t had a choice, unless I’d been willing to lose my family. I would never have done that. She was right, ultimately, though; I’d been the one to choose to let them live.
The castle loomed, coming closer and closer. The darkness around me grew thicker and thicker until I couldn’t see anything anymore.
They were all there; I sensed their Luminescent power.
An urge to snuff out that light erupted inside me. I wanted to drag them into the darkness with me. I wanted them to give up the light so that they could be warriors of darkness, fighting alongside me to attack whatever beauty was left in the world and ruin that, too.
And if they refused to come to the dark side with me, if they refused to turn to the darkness…I would kill them all.
My desires terrified me.
It’s not what I want,I said.
“It’s what I want,” Cyrene replied. “And we are one, now. What I want, you want.”
My heart hammered in my chest. Pain flooded my body. I knew what would follow, and to think about hurting them was horrifying. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be here, watching as Cyrene destroyed everything that was good in this world.
It was easier not to feel, easier not to be present while it happened.
I fought, struggling against the hold she had on me. If I could just get rid of the claws in my chest, my shoulder, my neck…
But Cyrene’s grip on me wasn’t just her poisonous, oily nails digging into me anymore. She was the very blood in my veins, the power that ran through my body.
It was as she’d said. She was me.
There was no more time for talking, nothing left to say. She wouldn’t let me go, and no matter how strong I’d been as a Luminescent, that had been a long, long time ago. There was nothing left of that man.
Just the monster remained, with a dark force at the wheel, driving me straight toward the gates of hell.
I did the one thing that would protect the bit of me that was still left—I switched off every part of me that cared, every emotion, and let my body march on as the puppet I was.
29
HAZEL
“What’s with this weather?” I asked, rubbing my hands together against the cold. The temperatures had suddenly plummeted. This morning had been warm with the sun out, and now it was as dark as night outside.
“I don’t know what’s—” Loud thunder and a crack of lighting that momentarily lit up the sky drowned out the rest of my mom’s voice.
We huddled around the fire in the living room.
“Where are Marilla and Agatha?” Nylah asked. “I haven’t seen them since yesterday.”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I think this is hard on them. They came here with the idea that Erol wanted to turn things around, and…” Another loud crack above made me pause until the worst was over before I kept talking. “They ended up seeing something very different.”
My heart constricted as I spoke, and I leaned in a little closer to the fire. The warmth could seep into my hands and warm up my body, but it wouldn’t help to warm up the coldness in my chest where a whole heart had been. I was nothing but a compilation of broken pieces and refracted light now.
Nylah shook her head. “This situation will right itself, Hazel. I know it’s hard to believe when everything feels so dark.” She turned her head toward the window at the storm howling outside. “Terra told us that the darkness wouldn’t prevail, that the sun would come out again, and I’m holding onto that.”
I nodded. Nylah was right, Terra had sent us a message. I just didn’t know how things could get better from here; it seemed like our current situation continued to get worse.
The weather didn’t help. Darkness had already ruined everything I’d held dear. It had taken Erol away from me. Looking out of the window now and seeing how the clouds blocked out the sun only felt symbolic of what this life had become and of what Erol dealt with all the time.
We fell quiet. Mom and Zita sat huddled together for warmth and whispered softly to each other from time to time. I didn’t join in on any conversation—I had nothing left to say.
The atmosphere slowly shifted. The change was subtle at first. The darkness pushed its way inside through the windows and underneath the doors; until suddenly, everything seemed to be wrapped in it, and the black power clung to the furniture, the curtains, the very foundations of the castle.
I looked up and frowned, locking eyes with Nylah.
