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I laughed, feeling silly for what I was about to tell her. I felt like a teenager, young and stupid in love. It had been nearly five hundred years since I’d been young and foolish. I wasn’t young anymore, but I couldn’t help but wonder…was I still foolish?
When I told Ellie what had happened between Dex and me, she squealed and gasped in all the right places.
“I can’t believe this happened,” she breathed when I finally got through my story with all of her interruptions and my blushing, like I’d never been with a man before. “This is incredible!”
“It’s not,” I said dully. “It’s far from it.”
“What? Why?”
“Because of my vision, Ellie. I told you…Terra wants to rip us apart, and by doing this, I played right into her hands. I couldn’t help myself. Dex is just irresistible, and when we were together, it was more incredible than anything I’ve ever felt, but that doesn’t mean that I want to give Terra the chance to ruin things for me.”
Ellie thought about it, hooking her red hair behind her ear. She watched Deron absently.
“She still hasn’t told you anything about why this is happening and what your vision might mean?”
I shrugged. “I haven’t asked her again. I haven’t spent time in prayer at all, and to be honest with you, I’m not going to, either.”
“What?” Ellie looked concerned.
“She can’t do this to me, El. I’ve given her my whole life, spending centuries in reflection, having dreams and visions, healing and prophesying. After all that, this is what I get? It’s not fair. I’ve done my part. I’ve brought my side. Why can’t she bring hers?”
“Nylah, you can’t talk about the Goddess like that.” Ellie’s voice was soft, almost reverend. “I know you have a different relationship with her than the rest of us, but you’re very close to—”
“Whose side are you on?” I snapped.
“Yours, obviously,” Ellie said quickly. “I just know that Terra won’t let something bad happen. It’s not in her nature. It mightfeelbad, but that’s just the storm, and it always passes. Look at my story.”
“This isn’t the same as you being the chosen one but not knowing it,” I pointed out. “This is about love. Love is a good thing, but Terra seems set on taking it away from me, and none of that can be good, can it?”
“I don’t know, Ny. I would just be careful if I were you. Everything happens for a reason, and it will work out in the end, I know it will. You know that better than anyone.”
Under any other circumstance, I would have agreed with Ellie. I was the one who usually advocated for Terra, telling everyone—Ellie the most, when she’d come to the palace first—that the goddess had a way, and that it would work out when the time was right. I just felt betrayed by her. How could she take away my happiness when I’d done everything she’d asked of me?
The pain of losing Dex in the vision had been crippling. I could still feel it now if I conjured up the vision again—the pain of a broken heart, of being incomplete because my mate had been taken away from me, the bond broken.
Ellie didn’t understand because she didn’t feel it the way I did. She didn’t know what it meant to be as close to the light as I’d been to Terra all these years, only to learn that I would have a precious bond ripped away from me as if I was undeserving.
If I lost Dex, the pain of losing him would be the second pain I dealt with. The first was losing Terra as my pillar of strength and the beacon of light I’d always looked toward.
“Just be careful, okay?” Ellie finally said. “I know it’s tough, and I can’t give you more advice or fight your battle for you, no matter how much I want to. Just think about what you’re doing before you do it.”
I nodded. “I will.”
It was the truth—I would do exactly that. I’d been thinking about it for a few days now, in fact.
If I wanted happiness, I had to create it myself. Maybe Terra had a reason we couldn’t be together. Whatever it was, she wouldn’t talk to me, and I was done trying to listen.
It was time to take matters into my own hands.
6
DEX
It had been a couple of days since I’d seen Nylah. I missed her.
I didn’t know if she was still avoiding me or if we were both really busy. Everything was different now.
When the sun set over Jasfin, painting the sky with a display of purple and orange and gold, I followed the hallways through the palace to reach the cathedral. I had a bag slung over my shoulder.
