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Why weren’t there any answers? What had I missed?
I shook my head and rubbed my hairline with my fingers, trying to think straight.
If this wasn’t going to work—if I couldn’t find an answer in the tomes my mother had left me—then I would do it myself.
I didn’t have magic for nothing, did I?
I closed my eyes and focused on my core. I went to a place I usually did when I tried to heal someone, where I tried to make whole what was broken.
My stomach twisted, and a little voice at the back of my head screamed at me to stop. I was doing something wrong, going somewhere I couldn’t return from. This kind of magic was dangerous.
I ignored it and kept going. I reached my emotions, my deep-rooted affection for Dex. I gripped it with both metaphysical hands, and I pulled.
I was suddenly in a different realm than the physical one. Everything was white, as though there were no walls, no floors, no ceilings. There was nothing but pure white, bright and unscathed. Where was I? This was different than any place I’d been before.
“What are you doing, Nylah?” a familiar voice asked.
I stiffened and turned around, my face set, jaw clenched.
“Terra,” I said.
“You’re playing with fire, child. I don’t have to tell you that, do I? You know very well what you’re doing.”
“Why are you only coming to me now?” I questioned. “I’ve been calling on you. I’ve needed you. Where have you been?”
“After everything you’ve seen, how can you do this? How can you bend your magic to alter reality? Don’t you know better?”
I didn’t answer her. I didn’t look at her. How could she do this to me? How long had she been absent?
“The Conjurites had a power, dark and ugly, because they turned away from the light. What you’re doing is dangerously close,” Terra said when I refused to speak to her.
“It’s not the same,” I snapped. “How dare you accuse me of being evil! All I want is something good, something right. This is the way of the Fae—fated mates are natural. Don’t equate me to Lavinia and the horrors she created.”
Terra shook her head, and I had the profound sense that she was disappointed, her lips pursed at me. I couldn’t see her face to confirm. She was hidden somewhere beyond the white and the light that surrounded me.
“The Conjurites weren’t the only ones who used magic for personal gain.”
“It’s not the same!” I insisted, and I continued to hold onto the affection I had for Dex, the newfound love for him. I refused to let it go. I was determined to forge a mate bond, no matter what it took.
“If you continue with this, you’re going to force my hand,” Terra warned me. “I don’t like telling you what to do. I’ve always given you freedom, I have allowed you to use your magic in ways you please, even if it wasn’t what I would have done.”
I snorted. “If this is what freedom is, I don’t want it.” I wasn’t sure if I agreed with Terra’s definition of freedom anymore. Too much had become convoluted over the centuries. I had given too much and gotten nothing back.
“I know what you’re thinking, child,” Terra said in a gentle voice. “Be careful what you wish for.”
“All I wish for is a chance to live my life like everyone else. After everything I’ve given, shouldn’t I be allowed at least that?” I cried out. “Why don’t you just give it to me? Why can’t I be happy?”
“The power you and Dex wield together shouldn’t be used flippantly. You’ve unlocked a power that could be dangerous if not used with reverence, and you’re already in danger of walking a path that will lead you away from the light. I’m protecting you, and I’m protecting him. Wouldn’t you rather lose Dex than lose both your souls to the darkness?”
I shook my head. “You gave me my power. Now you’re telling me I’m using it wrong. Is there no pleasing you?”
“What’s gotten into you?” Terra asked. “I don’t know you to be this defiant, to question my motives. You’ve always trusted me. Have you not always been rewarded for it?”
“Everyone elsehas been rewarded for my trust in you,” I countered. “Everyone but me. It’s my turn, Terra. I want this. I’m going to do it.”
Terra sighed, and I sensed that she switched off, refusing to argue with me any longer. Good, I was sick of it, too.
“I took the humans’ power away for a reason,” Terra said in a voice that held little emotion. “It gave me great pleasure to gift the humans and the Fae with something as precious as magic, but I won’t be responsible for its abuse. You will return to me when you’ve learned, Nylah. I’m not punishing you as I punished the humans.”
