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“No, no, no,” I muttered.
“It’s okay,” Vanya said. “You’re safe, and you’re in good hands. We’re going to get you through this, okay?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “This isn’t okay at all. I need to…” I suddenly felt sick again, the bile pushing up my throat, probably brought on by my panic.
I jumped up from the bed and ran to the bathroom, throwing myself over the toilet again as I emptied the contents of my stomach.
Vanya appeared beside me, and while I heaved and gagged, she rubbed my back in circles. I felt her magic pulsing through me, bringing warmth with it. It was the same kind of soothing magic that Ellie showed when she was with me. It clearly ran in the family—Ellie had told me her mom would come to help, and because they possessed the same magic, I knew I could trust her. Vanya’s healing magic was sweet—she had come from our neighboring country to help me.
The only problem was, no amount of magic was going to fix this.
After Vanya left, I tried to pull myself together again. The nausea had subsided enough that I dared to leave the bathroom, but it was still there, hovering, constantly reminding me of what was going on.
A baby, growing inside me.
I was pregnant.
The door to the cathedral finally opened, and I hurried toward Ellie, who came to me.
“I came as soon as I could,” she said, and she reached for me, taking my hands in both of hers. “Vanya told me.”
My eyes welled with tears. “I can’t do this, Ellie. I can’t have a baby.”
“Calm down, let’s talk through it over a cup of tea.”
Ellie led me to the kitchen where she brewed tea. I thought of Dex, brewing tea the same way she was now. Dex, the man I was starting to fall for. He hadn’t been to see me in a while, and I missed him. More now than before.
“Is it Dex’s baby?” I asked in a whisper.
Ellie looked up at me before she nodded slowly. “Yeah, it’s Dex’s baby.”
“We were very serious, weren’t we?’
“I think so.”
After brewing the tea, she offered me a cup, and we walked to the living room with it. When we sat down on the couches, I tucked my feet underneath me and held my cup, but I didn’t drink the tea. I was scared I would throw up again.
“How can you think it was serious, and not know?” I asked.
“It was a very new relationship, starting only a short while before all of this,” Ellie said.
It had been more than a month now since I’d lost my memories. Enough to find out I was pregnant.
“I don’t know how I’m going to do this,” I admitted. “I can’t have a baby, Ellie. How am I supposed to raise a child when I don’t even know who I am?”
“We’ll take it as it comes,” she said. “We have many months to prepare, and a lot can happen in that time.”
“I don’t know if I can have a baby with Dex,” I added, looking at the amber liquid in my cup. It was starting to go cold, and I still didn’t want to drink it. “I like him, Ellie. There’s something there between us. I can feel it. I know we were serious, and I think I can be with him again, but having a baby together when we’re strangers to each other…I can’t do it. It’s not the same as getting to know someone slowly. I feel like I’ve been thrown into the deep end, and I’m drowning.”
Ellie hesitated, sipping her tea while she formulated an answer.
“Nylah, just because you’re pregnant with Dex’s baby doesn’t mean you have to be with him.”
“How can I not?” I asked. “A baby deserves both parents.”
“And both parents will be there for the child, but that still doesn’t mean you’re forced to do something you’re not ready for. Dex is always here, and so are you. The child won’t have a parent absent, but your heart is important. You shouldn’t have to do something you’re not ready for.”
I considered it. Could I raise a baby without Dex? I guess I could; there were more than enough people who would help me.
