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Sorina smiled, looking away.
“What would happen if you bit me?” I asked.
“I would like it,” she said, looking back into my eyes.
“No, I mean, would I become one?”
“No. You could never become one of us,” she whispered. “And besides, it takes an exchange of blood. And that’s rare because we give away our memories.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“If I made someone like me and let them taste me, they would know every moment of my life. Every memory, every horror. We would be one. That is why it is so rare, why we never do it.”
“So you, you’ve never done it?” I asked.
“No. And I have no intention to.”
“You want to be alone forever?”
“If the alternative is to give away my memories, yes. Loneliness isn’t what humans make it.”
“I enjoy being alone. After the ranch … I like the quiet. When Valerie is gone,” I admitted.
“She was making you sick, you’ll feel better when she’s gone for good.”
“What do you mean?” I dared a look toward the Deacon and Valerie, but I did not see them. I didn’t know if I should feel comforted by that or concerned. I turned my head, looking for my friends. I saw Jessica talking to a guy by the punch bowl, and Nicole talking to a girl from my science class.
I didn’t see Kyrie.
“Do you eat people?” I asked, thinking of Amber. Of how they only found parts of her.
“Some do,” Sorina said.
“But … do you?” I asked, looking down at her.
“No.”
“Could you make me forget anything I want to forget?” I wondered who I would be if I slept through the night. If I cared about normal things. If I never remembered the hands that touched me. Tabula Rasa and a life started over. I wanted to know what I was, where the rage inside of me came from, and what I was capable of.
Sorina’s hand grazed my neck. “I could make some people forget.”
“Will you?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I know what plagues you. If I could make the memories disappear, they would still live in your body. And you wouldn’t know why you hurt, why you ached. Because the things that trigger your pain would still trigger your pain, except you wouldn’t know why. And that would tear your mind apart. There is great risk when doing it, it leaves scars that will never heal.”
“I already have those.” We danced for a moment, my hand fisting in her white dress, her red hair grazing her collarbone. “What would happen if someone became like you? Would they forget? Could they forget everything bad from their life?”
“No,” Sorina said, looking down between us. “They would remember every detail of their life. With clarity. For eternity.”
“Can you hypnotize yourself?”
Sorina laughed then, and it was strange, a sound I’d never heard. I wanted to bottle it, to keep it with me forever. When she looked at me, her face was one I’d never looked at before. She looked young; she looked timeless. She looked happy and full of sorrow. “Nicholas, this isn’t a story. No, I can’t hypnotize myself. Yes. I have a reflection. I can’t be hurt by a cross or holy water. I can’t fly. I have a heartbeat. Do you want to feel it?”
I looked at her pale skin, her neck.
