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“Well, if Dianna wants—”
“Oh, I’m fine. I don’t need the extra sweets.” She tried to play it off, but even she could hear the strained tone of her voice. She was failing miserably at hiding that she felt off-centered now. It was like a weight had been placed on one shoulder and she had to use all her mindpower to compensate for the change. “Let’s just go get our skates. I’ll get some fudge later.” She flashed Mathew a smile and was relieved when he offered one in return.
They got to the rink and there were no mishaps except for finding a pair of skates to fit Tristan. While the guy in the back started looking for those, Dianna took Mathew to the ice. He clutched her hand tightly, not speaking. That was fine by her. She’d far prefer to stay locked inside her mind with her thoughts.
“Do you love my dad?” Mathew’s voice was strong and direct, and it had thrown her off guard. She nearly slipped on the ice and had to reach out to grasp the side of the rink.
“What?”
“Do you love my dad? I’ve heard him say he loves you. Do you love him?”
She gave him a side-eyed glance. “I suppose I do.”
“How do you know?”
Dianna bit back a smile. “I don’t really know.”
“You don’t know how you know you love him?” His features scrunched into a frown. “Aren’t you supposed to know?”
She tilted her head, getting better at keeping her balance as they continued skating in a circle with slow, short steps. “I don’t think anyone really knows the answer to that question. It could be a lot of little reasons or just one big one. And I think it’s different for everyone.”
“But you love him.”
“Yes.”
The look of pure concentration on Mathew’s face was just the ticket to distract herself from her own spiraling thoughts.
“Why do you ask?”
He ignored her question and threw another curve ball at her. “Why aren’t you a mom?”
She slowed and stared at him. “Why are you asking me that?”
Mathew shrugged. “You’re a grown-up and you don’t have kids.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Do you want to be a mom?”
That was the question of the century. Even as he asked it, she couldn’t say she knew the answer to it. She’d always thought it would be difficult to raise her own children. Working with other people’s kids was different. She cleared her throat and focused on a spot ahead of them as she attempted to find her words. “I think I’dliketo be a mother one day. But I guess I’m a little scared.”
“Why?”
She let out a strained laugh. “You ask some pretty hard questions.” Dianna gnawed on the inside of her cheek. She couldn’t exactly tell him that she was scared she would fight with her children. Nor could she say that she was scared she’d end up having a kid who was simply difficult. If she knew him like she thought she did, he’d probably internalize those statements. He was far too bright to brush off answers like that. They stopped, and she crouched down to look him in the eye. “Have you ever been afraid of something and then when you gave it a try, you realized you didn’t have anything to be afraid of?”
His brows pinched together. “I don’t know.”
“Hmm.” She searched her memories of their sessions and her eyes lifted once more to meet his. “Remember when you were scared to get Molasses to jump over that first bar?”
He nodded.
“Are you scared anymore?”
Mathew shook his head.
“See? That’s what it’s like for me. I bet that if I decided to become a mother, I would be really scared until I actually got to be one.”
They stared at one another for a few moments, and then with a tone full of pure honesty, Mathew said, “I think you’d be a good mom.”
