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“Please don’t apologize, Victor. There is no need.”
He is sincere in his longing, his heart nearly visible in his pounding chest when he takes my hand. “Do you care for me in that way even in the smallest measurement, my princess?”
His face is seeking, searching, reaching for any amount of affection I will afford him. I do care for Victor, but not the way he craves. It breaks my heart to hurt him, but I will never lead him on.
“Sir Victor, you will never know how grateful I am that your efforts gave me a lineage. You gave me my mother and showed me a side of my gram I never knew existed. Your devotion to your father in seeking out his truths has given me every answer I have ever longed for and more. And for that, I can never repay you. I definitely have affection for you as a trusted comrade, general, and friend. But I would be lying if I said that it goes any further. There has only ever been one man for me. I realize that now more than ever.”
“Your Jordy,” he mutters.
“Yes, my Jordy.”
He backs away a little, running a hand through his spiked, blond locks. “This Jordy is a lucky man. I hope he appreciates that.”
“Me too,” I whisper. “More than you will ever know.”
“Well, why are you still standing here, then?” he says, busying himself with the jars and making a face when he smells another foul odor. “We are all going to war soon. Go to this Jordy and make amends. Lucky bastard.”
“Thank you, Sir Victor, for everything.” I give him a tight hug and head for the door, collecting my new cloak and riding gloves on the way out. “May I borrow one of the horses?”
“You’re the princess,” he replies. “You can steal my horse if you’d like, and I’m helping myself to some jerky and ale, just so you know.”
“Thank you, Sir Victor. For everything.”
He winks. “Don’t mention it.”
CHAPTER 22
I grip the reins tighter when I nudge the horse into a gallop, wondering what I will say when I see Jordy. What if he rejects me, refuses to answer the only question running through my aching brain? A new fear creeps into my existence when I think about the ensuing battle. I can’t do it without my Jordy by my side. It is a cruel reality. I pray that he still wants me, that what I saw wasn’t real.
I stop the horse before I reach his family cottage. I keep my distance for a moment, watching Jordy as he waves a sword in the middle of the courtyard. I didn’t expect to see him practicing his swordplay, but I haven’t expected a lot of things of late. I never expected to lose my gram, or have a knight show up with a relic of a book telling me that I’m the princess, and I never expected to see my Jordy kissing another maiden.
His leg muscles contract as he lunges, and I lose my breath. As angry as I want to remain with him, I can’t seem to make my heart comprehend that he betrayed me. He has always been my Jordy, even when we were children with hardly a notion of what love was, I knew that what I felt for Jordy was different. He would save a scrap of sweet bread for me or pick a flower and stick it in my bonnet. Even if I was the one who’d ate the last scrap of Stilton cheese his mother was saving for his father, he’d get his knuckles whacked instead of mine. He’s been my knight in shining armor, my every fantasy, my moon and stars since the beginning.
Funny how a single kiss can tear a castle down.
I shake my head free of the thoughts. I shouldn’t think about the way things used to be when everything about our relationship is crumbling at our feet. I deserve answers, need comfort. Jordy needs to tell me why he was kissing Treena. I dismount and nudge the horse to move.
“Is that swordplay for me?” I call to him. “Are you going to fight for me, Jordy?”
He lowers the sword and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. “Always, my lady. I would die for you.”
Sweat lines his brow and his cheeks are flush and rosy. He pushes his sword down into its sheath and meets me in the street. We secure the horse and Jordy takes my hand.
“Come with me, Milla. I want to show you something.”
I follow him to the back courtyard but tug my hand free from his grasp before we reach our destination.
“Tell me why, then, Jordy. Tell me before we take another step. I need to know why you were kissing Treena. That is not at all appropriate behavior, no matter the circumstance.”
“I’ve already told you, Milla. I wasn’t kissing her. Please, hear my words. That day at the bakery, I was sweeping and Treena approached me. She was asking if mother had baked any sweet bread and I told her that sweet bread was a mainstay. She laughed when father yelled a profanity at mother, and the next thing I know, she grasped my face and kissed me. I was so stunned I nearly fell backwards. I pushed her away, told her to go. Did you not see that?”
My heart is a fragile thing, too ashamed at first to admit it. But I open my mouth and let the words fall out, “My God, I let her best me again. She must have seen me, knew I was standing there, and kissed you for my benefit. I didn’t see you push her away, Jordy, because I was too busy running away. But if you say it is so, then I believe you.”
Jordy takes me by the shoulders. “Milla, I have no feelings for Treena. Aye, I can barely stomach the girl. I have seen her mistreatment of you, more times than I care to recall. But I speak to customers. It is a requirement, part of my job. That’s why I was pleasant to her that day. There has only ever been one maiden for me, and it has always been you. Don’t you know that by now, after all this time? As God as my witness, I did not kiss her. And being an honest man, I will admit… You are the only maiden I have ever kissed.”
I reach up and hook my arms around his neck, pulling his lips down to meet mine. The kiss is hard and hungry at first, like I’m reclaiming something I never really lost. Jordy’s large hands spread across my back, nearly covering my entire frame. I capture his bottom lip and tug it a little before finding his full mouth again. His day’s growth of beard is chapping my face, but it is of no consequence. I kiss him until I feel forgiven, until I know he is mine again.
Jordy backs away a little when the kiss is through, a hurt in his eyes that I haven’t seen before.
