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He finds my lips again, his kisses trailing from my mouth to my neck, but he stops when his lips are against the tops of my breasts. “Milla, you know I love you.” His voice is warm against my skin. “I have never wanted anything as much as I want you. And over these long days, I thought I’d lost you.” He’s kissing me again, and I can barely breathe.
“Jordy, I… Don’t stop,” I say when his kisses cease again. “Never stop. I want you. We are about to go into battle. We don’t know what the future holds—”
“But, your virtues,” he says. “You are to be queen—”
“I am,” I agree. “The only trueborn queen. And when I am crowned I will announce that you are my beloved. My choice. I choose you, Jordy. It has always been you, will always be you. There is nothing to fear if we survive this resistance, but I fear never laying with you if one or both of us does not survive the ensuing battle. I know it is selfish, but I want to know you as a woman knows a man. Is that wrong?”
He takes me in his arms before another word is spoken. His large hands carry me with little effort towards the tree line behind his property.
“Where are we going, my love?”
“It’s a surprise,” he says close to my ear. “Not much further.”
Before long, we are on a short trail, so narrow it is barely visible through the dense brush. A cave is nestled at the end of the trail and Jordy sets me on my feet as we approach it.
“What is this place?”
“My solace,” Jordy replies. “I stumbled upon it when I was a boy. My father says it was an old smuggler’s den, but it had been uninhabited for years when he acquired the property. It has been my own secret fortress ever since. I shall hate to lose it when I establish my own homestead one day. Come, let me show you.”
He takes my hand and leads me inside the cave. I have to duck at first, but then it opens into a larger space. Three lit torches are mounted on the walls, and two of Jordy’s swords are hanging near one torch. There are fur skins and wheat sack pillows on one side of the cave, and a water barrel and dipper on the other. There is a small stool and a bread knife, a loaf of sweet bread wrapped in parchment. There’s a jug of ale and a basket of books, and a fire pit for warmth. Jordy’s solace indeed.
I nudge Jordy’s arm. “Are you sure you don’t live here, sir?”
“Aye, you caught me, my lady.” He winks and flashes that crooked grin I adore so much. “I don’t live out here, but I will admit that my parents are quiterobustwhen they debate. I have been known to seek refuge from their bickering a time or two.” He steps over to the sweet bread and slices us a piece.
“It’s absolutely wonderful,” I say between bites. “Like a wee bit of paradise.”
“And secluded,” Jordy adds, finishing his bread. “No one will bother us here.”
“Indeed.” I turn my back to him for a moment, rubbing my neck, trying to settle my nerves. I wonder if Jordy can see me shaking. I can feel the trembling in my cheeks and lips.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jordy takes my shoulders and urges me to face him. He grasps my face, his thumbs sliding gently back and forth across my cheeks to ease me. “We can wait until—”
“Until what?” I ask.
“Well, I mean…what I meant was…,” Jordy stammers.
“Say it.” I reach up, tugging Jordy’s hands from my face and holding them in mine. “Please, I need to hear you say it.”
“What I meant was, we can wait until we are husband and wife. I love you, Milla. It has always been you. And I want you to be mine forever, if you’ll have me. Queen, princess, match girl, I care not your station in life. All I know is that there is no life for me without you. I know I am no prince, but everything I have is yours.” He places my hand on his face. “This body.” He moves my hand to his chest. “This heart.” He cradles my hands inside of his. “My very soul. All that I am is yours. Will you marry me, Milla?”
I draw in a breath, the first one I’ve truly taken since entering the cave. If this is a dream, I curse the waking. If this is heaven, I welcome the endless sleep. “Yes,” I say, hot tears wetting my cheeks. “Yes, Jordy. I will marry you.”
His lips capture mine, his sheer joy evident as he clutches me tighter, refusing to allow me to move even a breath away from his mouth. The kiss is rough at first, but eases as he relaxes. He is as unyielding in his passion as in his swordplay. He is raw, sure, smooth as whipped butter, his lips devouring mine, but I am unmoving. This man is power, strength, but then gentle like the wind on the wisps of a dandelion. And he is mine.
His lips part between mine, the words spoken into my mouth in the most delicious way, “This is a dream. A wonderful, fantastic dream.”
“And it is perfect,” I say, tasting a hint of sweet bread still lingering on his lips. I step back when the kiss is through, his ever-familiar face pulling me back into the reality of the moment. Soon we will leave this cave, war in our future, danger our bedfellow. I know Jordy has proposed to me and I will soon be his wife, but I’m not leaving this cave a maiden. Neither one of us are guaranteed tomorrow, so today will be our forever. I run a finger along his jawline, and it clenches at my touch.
“I want you, Milla, but we need not spoil your virtue. We can wait until we are wed.”
“No, I will not hear any reason to hold back my love for you, and I certainly will not hear of my virtues. My virtues are your concern and yours alone. I need to love you this day, Jordy. I need you to love me. I know the danger my station in life will place us in soon. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. I need you to bed me now. I will not leave this world never knowing you fully.”
“No words, then,” he says, the longing lighting his eyes despite the darkness of the cave. “I will love you like no man has ever loved a woman.”
He lifts me as if I am but a slip of a thing and I lose my breath, realization hitting me that I will be completely at his mercy. Gram and I never spoke in depth about the coupling of a man and a woman. I know what consummation is, obviously. I know what it takes for a man to plant his seed in a woman. But these stirrings in my belly, the throbbing now tingling the most secret space between my legs, is foreign.
And it frightens me of what’s to come.
