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Mom jumps up and tries to hug all three of us at once. We all laugh, and between another set of warnings from Dad and a hundred of I-can’t-believe-it’s from Mom, I find out that Hal has hired someone to watch his shop this holiday season. He’s coming along, and he’ll pick up whatever tasks fall through the cracks and train in all things tech and support.
A few of the fractures in my heart mend themselves. In two days we will start something new. Hal will see what it was like for Uncle Soren to follow my dad, and I… I have laid out my expectations, but I have no idea what will happen.
I’m okay with that.
Track 36
Don’t Even Try
Jace
(early November)
I cough for the hundredth time and stop the sander.
“That mask won’t do you any good if you wear it on your neck,” Graham grumbles.
“I can’t breathe in the darn thing.”
“You don’t sound like you’re doing any better without it.” Shane crosses his workshop and starts putting my N95 onto my face.
I slap his hands away. “Get lost.”
“You won’t be happy later, with lungs full of sawdust,” he says.
“I’m done anyway.”
“We’re going to stain the wood now. Wear your mask.”
“Fine.Fine.” I stretch the elastic bands and let the mask mold to my face. The heat engulfs my nose and mouth, but Shane and Graham are right. It’s better than breathing sawdust. Marginally, but still better.
“You did really well.” Graham sounds impressed as he examines several flat wooden panels he entrusted me to sand for him.
“Why wouldn’t I? You know how many house improvements I helped Gabe with? From floors to sprinklers to installing toilets. You should know I’m not above dirty work. We’ve known each other since high school.” Right now, we’re working on a crib Shane has designed and cut out. He’s been loading up the spray gun with wood stain while Graham and I finished smoothing out a few rough spots.
I’m helping Shane build a crib for his daughter.
He’sbuildingacribfor his daughter. He’s twenty-three! Who does that at this age? I wouldn’t. I’d let my wife pick out and order whatever she wanted, but Shane? He loves making things and woodworking. He builds guitars and baby beds, and I’ve never watched him build a guitar, but seeing him now, brushing and vacuuming the wood pieces with tender care… How is he so calm? He’ll be a dad in about a month, and all he shows is patience with me. I can’t comprehend him no matter how hard I try. He lets me stay in his life when he has the perfect opportunity to get rid of me for good.
“Let’s stain it.” Shane picks up a pair of clear goggles and brandishes the paint gun like he’s about to dive into a shoot off.
“May I?” Graham reaches for the paint gun.
Shane gives it to him. His new workshop is big. His last one was a single bedroom converted to suit his needs, but this one resides in a shed in the back yard, with room to park four pickup trucks. We hang the pieces on a painting frame, then the air fills with hissing and the astringent stink of stain. Am I happy to wear the mask now? Yes.
The workshop door opens, the breeze tickling my neck from behind. My pulse spikes, sensing Juliette’s anger washing over me. She’s still mad at me, as is her right. It’s been six weeks now since she decided to disavow me, and we’re still to have a conversation of any kind.
I walk over to her. “You probably shouldn’t breathe this.”
Lips pursed and unforgiving, Juliette pushes past me. “Dinner is ready,” she says when Graham pauses his work.
“We’re coming,” Shane replies. “Almost done with this coat. What do you think? You like the color?”
Juliette takes a closer look at the warm yellow stain the O’Neals are applying. “Yes. And it does smell terrible, so forgive me, but I’m not going to wait for you to clean up.” She beelines for the door, not even pausing to throw at me, “The table is set for three.”
Shane and I exchange dejected looks. I’m in the dumps because it stinks to fight with your best friend for so long. He must be feeling low because he’s trying so hard to give me opportunities to make amends, involving me in building the crib, for instance, but nothing works. Juliette may not realize it, but when she’s lashing out at me, she’s kind of hurting both of us.
And now I feel twice as bad as I did before.
