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I swallowed at the way the memory came back to me, the last time I’d been there, the flashes of panic.
“Think carefully about this,” Kit said, his voice lowering. “Once you make this choice, you can’t take it back. You will go to Medical today, and you may find it is much better to allow them to drug you. Once you are there, however, you will have no choice but to endure the process. If I had to have surgery, I’d rather not be awake during it. There is no benefit to recalling the entire thing.”
Of course there was. I needed information and I could only get that if people talked when they didn’t think I could hear. Why was the Warden interested in me? What did they want from me? I had no other way to find out the truth. No matter how horrible it sounded, I didn’t have another option.
“I’m sure,”I said.
He nodded even though he didn’t appear pleased. “Come and sit.”
I didn’t follow at first, but eventually forced my feet to move. I sat on the couch where Kit had indicated. He set a hand on my arm to turn me so I faced away from him before he sat behind me, my back to him.
Which was so much more terrifying than I’d expected. How hadn’t I realized how scary Kit was? Somehow, having him at my back where I couldn’t watch him brought up so many feelings I wasn’t sure how to categorize.
“Relax.” He sat so close that his breath blew strands of my hair around. It felt like him whispering into my ear, something intimate and personal.
And it made me wonder when the hell I’d started to feelthisway about him.
“Your heart is racing.”
I wanted to blame him for that, but with my back toward him, I couldn’t sign a response.
His fingers dragged across the nape of my neck, his touch unbearably gentle. The warmth of his fingers shocked me. After feeling the coldness and darkness inside him, I found it hard to believe he was so warm. “As I said, the effect won’t be complete. It won’t work as it does for me.”
I nodded, shivering hard when he touched the neckline of my shirt. The touch felt personal, like the start of something between lovers. Given that Kit and I had never acted that way, I had no idea how to handle it.
“This will have two parts. The first is that I’ll need to infect you with my toxin.”
“Infect?”I signed it without thinking before going to turn toward him, to ask him just what the hell he was talking about.
The word infect was a very bad word. Few people used it in a positive way.
He grasped my shoulder to keep me still and faced away from him. “Just listen to me. Wendigos resist most poisons and illnesses because we can consume everything living. Medications rarely work for much of the same reason. We have toxin on our claws, so when we bind others to us, they will not be easily felled. So by introducing a small amount into you, it should lessen the reaction to any drugs.”
“Will I turn into what you are?”
“No. Shades can’t transform into anything else once changed. The toxin will remain inside you until your own source destroys it—usually after a few days. In addition, I’ll use a command to help ease the pain that the drugs will no longer block without causing you any memory loss.”
“Command?”
He sighed, as if my questions annoyed him. Well, that was really too bad, given he was talking about somehow infecting me with something that consumed living material. I felt like that earned me all the questions I wanted to ask.
“You saw it with the dragon shifter before. My voice can command living creatures and force their compliance. In addition, you should be aware it will create a bond between us.”
“Bond? What does that mean?”
“It is as I said. Between using my toxin and commanding you, you will become bound to me.”
“So you’ll be able to control me?”
“I could do that anytime I wish already. I do not require a bond to force your compliance. However, in this case, you should notice little of a bond. It is a skillintended to allow my kind to rule over others. It may cause you to think about me more, perhaps even to be a little more fond of me.” His tone almost made it seem as if he’d just made a joke, but that was so unlike him I struggled to believe it. “It can allow us to speak telepathically and sense one another. It has the added benefit of ensuring other similar shades will not be able to bind you to them, and may offer some protection from others.”
“What’s in it for you?”
He didn’t respond at first, as if considering his answer. When he did speak, his voice was quiet. “I have cared about little since coming here. No, that isn’t right. It was well before Larkwood when I stopped caring. However, for some reason, I do not want to see you harmed. You are foolish enough to do as you please on your own, so I feel…drawn to help you so you do not end up hurt.”
I dragged my tongue over my bottom lip, nerves getting the better of me.
“We can still opt not to do this.” His voice was so soft and his body so close that the goosebumps on my skin had nothing to do with fear. “You can still back out. I will release you and walk out of your room. Nothing will change.”
