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Hell, maybe that denial made me even more aware.
“How’s Deacon?”
I let out an obvious sigh along with an eye roll for good measure.“Why do you ask?”
“You’re way too casual with him.” Knox shook his head, the same argument I’d had with him a few times. I’d had the same fight with Brax as well, though my fights with him were more yelling—at least from him—and always ended up with us having angry sex. Wade didn’t bitch, but his snarky comments suggested he didn’t approve.
Knox at least acted nice when we argued.
“It’s nothing to worry about.”
“You say that because you don’t know the real him. If he gets wind of anything, he’ll turn you right in.”
“He wouldn’t do that.”
Knox didn’t know Deacon like I did. Sure, I wasn’t rushing to tell Deacon everything—that would have been stupid. But I was fully capable of spending time with him without blurting out every last thing on my mind.
Not being able to speak helps.
Knox set his hand on my cheek, his palm warm and teasing. He stroked his thumb against my skin. “That you still have some of that innocence after being here is amazing. I just don’t want to see it get you killed because you trusted the wrong person.”
His words melted some of my annoyance. I understood his worry, especially because if I made the wrong choice. If I trusted the wrong person and we got caught, Knox and his brother could easily pay the price for it.
Even with that, though, I couldn’t justnotspend time with Deacon. Sure, things would end when I escaped, because what sort of future did we have? That should have made it easier to let go now, before I got too attached, but the opposite seemed true.
I just couldn’t imagine ending it sooner than I had to.
Knox offered a half-hearted smile, as if I were an idiot climbing too high into a tree, and he knew I’d fall and break something. “You are impossible.” He leaned in and brushed his soft lips against mine, the touch gentle and sweet.
And it did what his innocent touchesalwaysdid to me. A rush of sensation, like drowning and suddenly being able to breathe all at once. It was his power, that incubus part of him hungry and wanting to feed.
But he’d refused to feed from me or to touch me almost at all. I’d been able to touch him, to focus onhim, but he never reciprocated. It wasn’t selfishness but fear.
As soon as it happened, he pulled back and shook his head hard, as though to clear it.
“It’s okay,”I told him the way I always did, even when his rejection hurt, even when it didn’t feel okay at all.
“It’s not.”
I missed the warmth of his hand when he took it away, when we stood there with this distance between us that I had no idea how to fix. Understanding the reason for it didn’t change the hurt. No matter what I did, he didn’t trust himself, didn’t trust that other part of him, didn’t want it near me.
And there wasn’t a thing I could do about that.
Instead of letting him see just how much it hurt, I turned away and brought the water bottle to my lips, trying to let the cold liquid cool my flushed cheeks and slow my racing heart.
“Hera,” Knox started to say, but the opening of his front door saved me.
Sort of…
Not sure if the angry face of a berserker who I’m pretty sure hates me counts as being saved.
“Have you found anything yet?” Brax asked, his tone annoyed.
Was he evernotannoyed, though? Maybe, when around others. I had no idea if it was just me or if he was always unpleasant.
Judging from his glare my way, I’d say it was a mixture.
“Nothing yet.”
