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Their wide eyes snap in my direction and their incredulous expression is a punch in the gut. They don’t expect something like this from me. I’m the one who solves problems in a rational way, not gripped by the fury of the moment. But tonight, I lost a part of myself on that boat. I lost the only foothold that kept me anchored to a semblance of sanity.
“Sorry, what?” Her voice comes out hoarse, as if she’s struggling to tear the words out of her throat.
“I said you’re fired. Effective immediately.” My voice is cold and reflects everything I feel right now: pain, anger, resentment, a sense of betrayal. “As of tomorrow, I don’t want to see you in the office again.”
Emily straightens her back, her nostrils widening with the fury she is holding in. Her passion and determination reappear, driving away the worry of a few moments ago. “You know what? You can’t fire me. I quit. I no longer want to work with a stubborn asshole who has no intention of getting help.” She hisses with anger. “You want to behave like an idiot? Well, go ahead, but don’t call me when you’re overwhelmed by this mess you’re piling on yourself.”
Though her words hurt, they stir up the anger that flows through my veins like a poison. I watch her grab her bag and take long strides out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The silence that follows is almost surreal. There is no going back. This evening, in this room, a line has been drawn that can no longer be erased.
“Are you really sure of what you’re doing?” Aaron’s harsh voice pulls my eyes away from the closed door.
The bruise around his eye is already taking on a purplish hue that will be there for days. I observe his intense gaze, his jaw contracted in a grip that I can’t tell is from anger or disappointment. It’s always like this with him. I’m the little brother who screws up, packs his bags, and runs away to New York over a fight with his father. I will never live up to him, I will never achieve his success, his notoriety, and I will never enjoy my father’s favor. Once again, he is here, in front of me, judging my actions.
“I’m more than certain. Or do you have something to say about that too?”
Aaron nails me on the spot with an icy look. How is it possible that his mere presence can be so intimidating? Even with hands tucked into the pockets of his elegant trousers and his hair unkempt after an intense night, he manages to be intimidating. He studies me for a long time, observing my every little expression.
“No, do what you want. It’s your life. I’ve never told you how to live it. You’re old enough to bear the consequences of your choices.” He approaches the door where Emily just walked out.
With a single sentence, the grip tightening my stomach becomes even tighter. Aaron is like that. He never tells you what to do, but he makes you doubt all your decisions just by the tone of his voice. For a moment, the certainty of what I said to Emily wavers, making me question if I really can manage all the repercussions of my words.
I watch him as he lingers for a moment at the door.
“I’m not your enemy, Evan. I’ve never been. When you accept this, you will understand that you have an ally.” He lets the words slip from his lips without even turning around, without giving me time to answer before watching him disappear, leaving me alone with my anger, my doubts, and the world collapsing in on me.
Alone. I was left alone like I wanted, yet that sense of relief I felt a few minutes ago turns into anxiety. The monitor’sbeepbecomes louder and louder, and even when I take deep breaths it continues. That sense of terror I felt during the cardiologist’s speech creeps back into my chest.
***
“What are you doing?” The voice of the resident doctor makes me look up from the buttons of the shirt I am fastening.
“I’m going back to my life. I don’t have time to waste lying in an uncomfortable bed I can’t even sleep on.” I put on my shoes as he walks over and puts his hand on my shoulder to keep me sitting in the chair.
“You were hospitalized for an alleged heart attack. You have to stay here at least for the night.” He is annoyed by my decision.
I nod my head toward the window. “The sun is rising. I spent the night, and now I’m freeing up a bed. You should be glad you don’t have to deal with me anymore.”
I don’t want to argue with him too. I have to figure out how the hell I’m going to explain Emily’s dismissal without confessing why I came to Los Angeles.
He frowns in disgust, shaking his head. “Do you know what makes me angry about you rich people? You think you can buy people with your money. You came here, brought by our ambulance and our staff, but you called the best cardiologist in town, assuming we couldn’t treat you. You brought a stranger into this place to give orders and get everyone working tonight in trouble.”
I don’t know what to say to him. While I could tell him that I didn’t do anything at all, that it was Aaron, I know he’s right. My brother, and my father, come into a place like this and demand to receive the best treatment. They throw around their money, impose their power, and stomp over others to get exactly what they want. I can imagine Aaron coming in here, giving orders and, if anyone objects, threatening to cut the generous donations his company makes every year. Because this is one of the many hospitals that receives his charity. Not because he is good at heart or cares for poor people, but because donations are one hundred percent tax deductible. That’s how my family always solves everything. But I’m tired of getting angry about that, too. I’m tired of arguing, tired of trying to justify myself for every single behavior that concerns me, and tired of making people change their minds.
“Where do I have to sign to be discharged?” I don’t even look him in the eyes.
The guy, who’s around my age, shakes his head and leaves the room. I finish getting dressed, take a deep breath, and push all the anger and disappointment of these last hours to the bottom of my heart where I’ve learned to hide all the pain. It’s time to go back to New York, and it’s time to solve the problem of the contracts once and for all. It’s time to put aside all the feelings that make me lose sight of my goal. Even the image of Emily, her proud look as she leaves this room, becomes a background noise I can set aside under the blanket of ice that envelops my heart.
Numb. That’s how I feel right now. Anesthetized by a situation that seems almost surreal. Until twenty-four hours ago, I had the life I always dreamed of. A job I felt proud of, the closest friends near me every day, a boss who was a friend. He was stubborn, but I liked him. I aspired to become like him. Twenty-four hours ago, I was happy. Now, packing my suitcase, I’m emptied of the anger that consumed me leaving the hospital.
How can I look Iris in the eyes and tell her that I’ve been fired? Or that I quit, no matter how it happened. How will I explain to her, to the Jailbirds, what I’ve done? How will they react to Evan kicking me out? They’ll all want explanations, and for the first time in my life, I’m so ashamed of my past that I would rather disappear than confess how I got the money to pay off my debt. I’ll have to look for a new job quickly if I don’t want to end up sleeping on my mother’s sofa since she converted my old room into a workshop where she sews clothes.
The soft knock on the door makes my heart jump into my throat. Partly because I thought Evan was gone, partly because I have no idea what expression those gray eyes will have. I didn’t know it would hurt so much to see him suffer. The most painful part of this whole thing was seeing Evan’s heart break because of me. Seeing the pain clouding that respect he has always held for me. Seeing the exact moment he lost faith in me felt like a stab in the chest.
I reach the door, and my hand trembles when I grab the handle. “Oh, it’s you.” The disappointment is evident in my voice when two different gray eyes stand in front of me—Aaron’s.
I step aside and let him in. I’m not even sure what to do. I look at the bruise around his eye and last night’s events come back to mind, overwhelming me. The fury Evan unleashed while hitting his father’s face made me tremble with fear. I thought he had killed him, and now worry over the consequences gets stuck between my chest and lungs, preventing me from breathing. What if his father had him arrested for assault?
“Evan is at the airport about to leave for New York,” he explains as he looks at the suitcase I’m packing with exasperating slowness.
