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“Good. Why?” I try to downplay my concern.
“Because for you, it’s never just work. You have a personal relationship with your clients, taking their well-being to heart, losing sleep trying to solve their problems. Do you think I don’t notice when you send emails at three or four in the morning?”
I’m always surprised by how much she observes even the smallest details, and how she always understands the big picture without needing to explain it in words.
“I’ve never been someone who needs a lot of sleep, even when I was a kid. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, really.”
“Is that why you fill yourself with caffeine?” She raises an eyebrow in defiance.
“Do you keep track of how many cups I have per day?” I smile at her.
“I live glued to you, and I’m the one who keeps tabs on your expenses at the end of the month. I know you don’t limit yourself to the caffeine you have in the office, and trust me, that’s already a lot more than any human being can swallow.”
I laugh at her admission, and some of the weight I feel in my chest lightens. I’ve never had anyone who cares about my health, and while it’s a strange feeling, I find it almost pleasurable. Almost.
“Let’s go back to the office, or tonight I’ll have to gulp down the hundredth coffee of the day if I want to stay awake to solve this mess.”
Emily studies me for a few more seconds then gets up and follows, shaking her head.
***
Jasmine opens the door with her usual smile full of sensuality and warmth. I enter the hotel room as if it were mine—it’s the same one I’ve used for years—making the experience much less impersonal and detached than it would be otherwise.
“Why the long face? Do you want to talk about it?” she asks as she motions for me to sit on the bed and unfastens my tie, dropping it on the floor.
Her long, brown hair glides over her provocative lingerie, leaving little to the imagination. She is beautiful enough to take your breath away, but my head is elsewhere now, and her intelligent eyes are scrutinizing me carefully.
“I don’t even know where to start,” I admit as I help her take off my jacket.
“Start by telling me if it’s a work or personal problem.” She smiles at me and straddles my lap, slowly unfastening the buttons of my shirt, studying my face in search of an answer. I squeeze my fingers on the firm butt I’ve touched many times since we met five years ago.
“Work. I use an escort service for sex! Do you think I have time for a private life?”
She smiles at me and rests her hands on my shoulders, forcing me to lie down as she opens the flaps of my shirt and kisses my chest.
“You should think about having one. Evan, you’re thirty, not ninety. This should be the time you enjoy life, not when you overwhelm yourself with work and don’t even have time to fuck.”
I watch as she tastes the skin of my belly with her tongue and moves toward my belt, untying it. “I don’t even know how to have a private life. It takes too much time and too much energy. Today I discovered that some of my clients’ careers are one step away from being completely wiped out, buried under a sea of crap that this industry brings with it…and I’m the only one to blame.” The last part comes out in a sad whisper.
Jasmine drags herself onto the bed until she’s lying next to me. “Are you worried? Is that why everything is dead down there?” She raises an eyebrow and smiles, amused.
I look down and see that my pants and boxers are down, but I was too distracted to notice. My erection is dormant. “I can’t even fuck.”
“You’re too stressed, Evan. Enjoy life a little, find a girlfriend, go on vacation, go to the movies, or even just go out for dinner. When was the last time you went on vacation?”
I concentrate, trying to remember my last vacation. I guess high school summer breaks don’t count. “I don’t remember…I think not one time in the last twelve years.”
Jasmine giggles and rolls her eyes. “Are you serious?”
I shrug and hide the half-embarrassed smile.
“Evan, you’re losing control. Find a girl, go out with her.”
“It’s complicated.”
“What’s complicated? You can find the time if you really like someone!”
“That’s not the problem.” It escapes me before I can shut up.
