AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I shake my head. “You’re so enthusiastic, you should be the one going on the date.”
“Well, Josh is cute,” she says of the guy who’d ended up sharing a table with me, Lashawna and our classmate Maria at our favorite coffee shop last week because the place was packed and we had a table of six to ourselves. “He kind of reminds me of Ryan Gosling. But no way am I spoiling your opportunity.”
“Honestly, I wouldn’t mind. I’ve had so much going on in my life, I haven’t thought about men or dating in a long time.”
She raises a brow. “Not thought about men? I’ve seen the way you look at Gerald in our microbio class.”
“So he’s good-looking.” And safely gay. I add, “It doesn’t mean I want to date him. Besides, Josh doesn’t know I have Evan.”
“So tell him.”
“Maybe I should let him know before the date. That way, we don’t waste each other’s time if he’s not interested in dating a single mom.”
“First, show him what he’d be missing out on if he didn’t date you. Besides, you’ve got to do this for yourself and take that first step at some point.”
“I was thinking after graduating would be a better time to start dating. Evan’s not even two.”
“You’re always going to have an excuse. And cute guys like Josh aren’t necessarily going to rain down on us once we graduate.”
“But I feel guilty going on a date when Coretta took Evan for the weekend so that I could study for our final exam.”
“Like you need to study. You always ace the tests. Drinks don’t have to take long. Carpe diem.”
I let out a shaky breath. She’s right. Maybe I should just go and conquer my fear.
“What’s the worst that can happen?” Lashawna asks. “You find out he’s not interested in children. So that means he’s not Mr. Right. Next.”
I vaguely hear what Lashawna says because, in my mind, I’m answering her question. The worst that can happen is that I fall in love with a man who’s part of an international triad, my roommate gets murdered, and I have to skip town in the middle of the night because I might be the next victim.
“Hey, you okay?”
I realize I’m staring at Lashawna without actually seeing her. “Sorry, just…my last relationship was a disaster, so that’s why I’m not eager to get back in the ring.”
“I hear you. I’m sorry if I’ve been pushy. You and Josh would make such a cute couple, but if you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”
I feel bad about disappointing Lashawna. I don’t know if she intended to use reverse psychology on me, but it’s working. I don’t want my past mistake ruining the rest of my life. And my mistake was hardly intentional. I didn’t go looking to date a gangster.
“Let’s do this,” I declare.
Lashawna lights up. “Great! Now that we’ve got your outfit picked out, we just need to do something about your hair.”
I touch my curls. Like my clothes, my hairstyles are about what’s easy and comfortable. My hair has grown long because I prefer to save the money and cut it myself, except I haven’t had any time. I didn’t fully appreciate all that Grandma went through raising me until I had Evan. Even though I had thought long and hard about an abortion—who was I to be having a child while starting a whole new life?—Aunt Coretta talked me out of it.
“You’re cut from the same cloth as your grandma,” Coretta had told me. “If she can do it, you can, too. And look how good you turned out.”
I don’t know that I made the right decision in having Evan, but ever since he was born, I can’t imagine life without him. Unlike my mom, who left me with Grandma, then went off to Europe to date Greek men and sail on their yachts, I was going to be there for Evan in every way.
My mom dropped me off with my paternal grandmother when I was still a baby. My father had died in action just a few months before while serving in Afghanistan, and Grandma didn't dispute my parentage even though she knew very little about my mother. My mom had admitted I was the result of a one-night stand she had had when rebounding from a previous relationship.
A part of me wishes my father had been a part of my life. I remember coming home from elementary school sad one day because my class had painted mugs for Father's Day and the teacher had told me I didn't have to make one. Grandma told me that of course I should make one, and she placed my finished mug next to the photo of my father she kept on the living room table.
I often wonder if Evan will grow up feeling an emptiness where his dad should be. I dread the day he grows up and asks who his dad is, but I don’t know that I’ll ever tell my son.
