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Irecognized that look in Abby’s eyes, and I didn’t like it one bit. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to turn into a caveman like Wells—hell, even Jones. Abby was already scheming ways to use herself as bait. I could practically see gears turning in her head as she thought through each possibility. The woman was a sucker for putting herself in harm’s way. Even though she was trained for it, it wasn’t always the best move. I’d hate to say that she got lucky with her last assignment. I didn’t want to discount her training, persistence, mental fortitude, or intelligence, but part of her success was luck. She was lucky the men that she had been kidnapped by had taken a liking to her, or else her story could have had an ending like her friend. Those men could have decided they didn’t want to sample the merchandise. What would have happened to her then? I didn’t want to think Boss would let something terrible happen to her, but there are things that are even out of the FBI’s hands.
The car ride back to the resort was quick, and Christine filled it with well wishes for Jeremiah. Abby sat in the front seat next to me, blankly staring out the window, and she tapped her fingers nervously on her legs. I wanted to reach out and place my hand on hers to ease her nerves, but I didn’t think she’d appreciate the gesture. Not to mention, I didn’t know how she’d feel about PDA in front of my friends when she and I weren’t a couple, but working together. The whole situation was complicated, and I didn’t want to make it worse over something as little as annoying finger taps.
We quickly made it back up to Guy’s room without incident. After everyone crammed into the room together, Abby shared what we learned from Jeremiah.
“Well, that explains the missing persons patterns,” Guy said. If anyone were trying to actively stop the Reapers, then the pattern would have made it easier for law enforcement to catch them. This was a testament to how brazen the Reapers were. They thought no one would be stupid enough to cross them.
Were we that stupid?Yes. Unfortunately.
“I propose that we use this to our advantage. We simply need to look at the map and figure out which part of the island will have the next kidnapping, and which Reaper will be picking up their next target, me. We can use that information to catch one in the act, then capture them and get the information we need,” Abby plotted. I knew she was planning to be the bait, and I was going to take a risk. I would be a caveman. I laughed when the others called Jake and Wells that, but I understood why they didn’t back down. It didn’t feel right to allow someone to purposefully put themselves in danger, even when they knew the risks. Abby was arguably very qualified for this task, but I still couldn’t get my heart to agree to what my head said was necessary. The conflict caused a knot of unease in my stomach.
“No.” I was firm; I wouldn’t back down.
She let out an exasperated sigh, and I could see her body stiffen, ready for conflict. “This isn’t your call, Adam. I’m merely telling you what our best option is. We can play it safe and be here for weeks, or we can do this my way and end this in a few days,” she said, holding nothing back. She looked around the room, looking for backup from my friends.
“I mean, Abby is trained for this shit. It’s not like with Jasmine or Christine who have no training. Abby’s a pro,” Jones said with a shrug of his shoulders. He was a good one to talk; if it was his girl volunteering, he’d be bitching up a storm. It was blatantly obvious to everyone in the room that I liked Abby and didn’t want to put her in unnecessary danger. I felt frustrated because Jones should still understand my reluctance, even with Abby’s training.
“Why not try looking for another way first?” I asked instead. Bitching out my friends really wasn’t going to help me here; I needed them on my side, not against me. I wanted to find a better solution without getting angry like Wells and Jones did. I at least wanted to make a better effort to respect boundaries, while still being true to myself and trusting my instincts.
“What other way do you see? I’m not going to piss away days just trying to brainstorm a half-baked plan. The best way is to figure out if the manager or one of the other two is the Reaper for this portion of the island. It’s up next in the pattern, and Jeremiah said I’m already a target. The easy way is often the best way; it’s easy for a reason. It’s simple, with little room for error.” She paused for a moment and crossed her arms. She stared at me, waiting for me to counter her point, but I couldn’t. The easy way was often the right way, but I couldn’t agree when the point she made was the opposite of my position.
“I’m going back to that market and I’m going to speak to the employer, and then I’m going to take whatever info I learn and put it into a plan to get to the bottom of this,” Abby said. Her hands fell from her chest and were planted firmly on her hips. She stared me down with a fiery gaze. I had no doubt it’s that spirit that kept her tough through some shitty situations. While I liked it in the bedroom, I didn’t like it now. Not when all I wanted to do was explore other options first—I wanted her safe. It was worth an extra few minutes of brainstorming to determine if there was another way.
Instead I tried to appeal to her emotions—tried to disarm that fire with a soft tone. “This isn’t New York. You don’t have to do this alone.”
Her eyes softened for a second, giving me hope that she was starting to see things from my perspective. Then her walls snapped right back into place, the fire returning. “You’re right, it isn’t New York. I don’t have a whole office of agents ready to come for me if things get bad. All I have is you guys. I’d prefer that you trust me, so that I can trust you to have my back. Trying to manipulate me doesn’t show trust in me, and it sure as hell doesn’t make me trust you. Either way, my mission will always come first. That’s part of who I am, and if you want me on your team, you have to accept me and my expertise as I am,” she said. Her body was extremely rigid, and her eyes showed me just how deep her resolve went. There would be no budging her from this plan. The tension between us was so thick it could be cut by a knife. “It’s non-negotiable.”
The room became awkwardly silent as she and I stared each other down.
Abby’s words hurt. The manipulation attempt wasn’t done with malicious intentions; it came from the need to protect her by any means necessary. I genuinely cared for Abby, and even though I’d only known her for a very short time, I knew I wanted a life with her. She could fill this empty piece inside of me. She could be my partner and my equal. Her earlier refusal to think about joining our team, and her refusal to consider another plan, felt like rejection. She wanted me to accept her as she was, but she couldn’t commit to having me in her life after our mission was over. How was that fair? Why should I make the effort if she wasn’t going to make an effort either?
The long silence was finally interrupted. “Yeah, these men have been known to turn into cavemen as soon as they fall for someone,” Jasmine said with a snort. The comic relief was not appreciated; this was a serious conversation. If they couldn’t handle the tension, they could leave.
I shot her a look that said,Shut the hell up.Jones just simply shook his head at me, silently telling me not to get Jasmine started.
“That’s fine and dandy. He can have whatever feelings he wants. He’s human; he’s allowed to feel. But I don’t appreciate it when someone tries to stop me from doing my work.” Abby stopped to let out another sigh and rub her temples with her fingers, as if she was trying to massage away a headache. “I’ve trained very hard to be good at my job. People always want to try to save me, but I don’t need saving. I’m the wolf in sheep’s clothing,” she said, twisting the knife in me deeper.
She made my feelings sound like something that wasn’t relevant. I was a part of this team, and how I felt about her and how she moved forward with our mission was completely relevant. I swore I could feel my blood pressure rising, and I did my best to keep my anger in check. I wanted nothing more than to raise my voice and shout at her, but if I did that, she’d walk away. Possibly for good. That didn’t mean that I had to take her words sitting down. Gone was the nice guy who didn’t want to hurt her feelings since she had no problem brushing off mine.
“Hold the phone. Let’s talk about your hero complex. You are so used to doing things on your own and getting all the glory that you don’t know how to be a team player, do you? I bet you secretly wish we would take the back seat and let you call the shots. I bet you want to walk all over our mission and take the credit for it back with Boss and the FBI. It bothers you that you have to go to a team to make decisions, and you can’t just saytrust me. Because why would we? We haven’t seen you in action.” I wanted to reach out and shake some sense into the woman who stared at me as if I’d grown devil horns on my forehead. But I did no such thing. It’s all I could do to keep my anger in check. My tone was controlled but cold as ice as I continued. “This isn’t your mission. Boss may have sent you here to spy on us, but we allowed you into our circle to help, not to run it like an FBI operation. News flash, Abby, this mission isn’t on the books, and it’s not your op. Now, if you won’t listen to how I feel about you putting yourself in harm’s way, fine. But don’t lump me into some broad group of people who have had an opinion on what you do, and don’t act as if how I feel doesn’t matter at all. We’ve all done our best to be considerate of your feelings, especially after you just lost a friend. Show me the respect I’ve shown you.”
Hurt flashed in her eyes, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t now. She’d gotten under my skin and now the wound had festered. “I’m sorry that I actually give a damn about you as an individual. I know what you are capable of, but it won’t stop me from worrying.”
My chest was heaving from the effort it took to control my voice, to rein in the hurt and anger I felt. The room felt frigid now.
The hurt that crossed Abby’s face was gone now, replaced by a cold expression. “I’m just going to go. We are only going to agree to disagree, and I don’t want to fight with you. I want to work together without our feelings getting in the way. You know my plans. If any of you want to be involved, all you have to do is let me know. I’m more than happy to team up,” Abby said to the rest of the room. She avoided looking at me.
“Count us in,” Christine said as she glanced between Jasmine and Abby.
“Duh,” Jasmine said with another snort.
The guys remained silent, torn by what they just witnessed. It was like they were kids being asked which parent they wanted to live with after a divorce. Our mission had gone to shit right before our eyes, and that was partially my fault, but mainly Abby’s. We would have been fine if she hadn’t run into me in the airport. We would have done things our own way and would have eventually figured it out. Jasmine and Christine were both beautiful women; they could have seduced a manager like Abby planned to. Abby just thought she was hot shit because she was trained by the FBI. News flash, Jasmine got some training from Boss after Vegas too. Abby was nothing special.
Lies.
Immediately after I thought the words, I regretted them. She was special, but not for the reasons she thought she was. That was something she needed to figure out for herself, since she wouldn’t let me help. She wouldn’t let me be anything more than a casual fuck. It’s like she saw feelings and relationships as an illness, refusing to acknowledge or participate.
“On that note, I’m out.”
