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However, under these circumstances, I have to make up for it by being consistent with it now. Folic acid is the most important prenatal vitamin for fetal development, and I’m not about to take any chances with my baby’s formation.
Dr. Henderson prescribes some more vitamins and gets up.
“Come on, dear, time for the fetal checkup.”
Nothing ever prepares me for the coldness of the ultrasound gel on my belly. Dr. Henderson takes her sweet time probing around my abdomen, which is still really flat. Sometimes, the thought that a whole life is growing inside me sends my heart palpitating. It still doesn’t feel real to me. I’m going to be someone’s mommy soon, and I’m not sure I even know what it means to be a baby’s mommy.
Dr. Henderson pulls out her high-grade fetal Doppler and starts probing at a specific spot on my abdomen, checking my baby’s heart rate.
“One-hundred and two. That’s amazing. Our baby’s doing super-good,” Dr. Henderson says, and I exhale, smiling so wide tears start dropping from my eyes.
“Oh, sweetheart, why are you crying? Is it all getting too emotional for you?” she asks and puts an arm on my shoulder.
I’m still smiling as I sit up. “No, Doc. It’s not like that. I’ve just been overwhelmed by all of this, and I’ve been crying a lot more these days. I guess my hormones are really acting up a lot.”
I’m staring at a black-and-white image of my baby on the machine screen. It’s as tiny as a kidney bean, so small, but it’s no longer hard to believe that little thing right there is a real kid that’s coming to me in a few months.
I believe it now, but I’m sure by the tomorrow morning, it’ll become unreal again.
Dr. Henderson sits at the edge of the machine bed and takes my hand. “Charlee, I don’t mean to get personal or pry, but you are such a gentle and sweet young lady. I don’t like seeing you go through this all on your own. Do you have anyone supporting you? How about the baby’s dad?”
I know I told her she could get personal, but that question makes my heart catch in my throat.
It’s just dawning on me, really, how absolutely alone I am while going through this. I haven’t even told my family. I can’t find the courage. I’m a fully grown adult, but still, I have values. The first time I decided to go wild and test the waters was the exact day the universe decided to pull a fast one on me.
Swallowing hard, I face the doctor again. “No, Doc. He’s not really in the picture right now, it’s just me.”
Dr. Henderson nods, and I appreciate that she encourages me instead of merely pitying me.
“Charlee, I’m not going to lie to you. Pregnancy, birthing, and nursing a baby are not easy at all. You’ve already seen a bit of it for yourself. I know things might not be so straightforward for you right now, but I’ll advise you to have someone supporting you. You’re a strong and confident woman, but even the strongest people still need someone to rely on at certain times.”
I’m nodding rapidly as tears well up in my eyes.
“Thank you so much, Doc. My best friend is a great mom and a wonderful woman. She’s going to be here with me.”
Dr. Henderson squeezes my hand and then pulls her notepad and pen out of her coat pocket. She starts scribbling as she educates me again on pre-natal care and other wellness tips.
“You have to avoid straining yourself. Low-intensity exercises and pregnancy-safe yoga are recommended, but anything too strenuous or intense should be avoided. Especially now that you’re in your first trimester, you have to be extra-careful, Charlee. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, marijuana edibles, and anything that introduces unnecessary or toxic substances into your body.”
She goes for about ten minutes and eventually rips the note out and hands it to me. This woman is more than just an OB/GYN. She’s like a guardian angel for terrified new mothers. I wish every doctor could be as affectionate as Dr. Henderson.
Heading out of the hospital, I call Tess and ask her to meet up. Before I get to the café on the other side of my street, Tess is already there, looking as stunning as ever in a short black dress underneath a green kimono.
“Hey, sweetheart, how are you?” Tess asks, and then switches up on me. “Girl, why didn’t you tell me you had a doctor’s appointment today? I was free this afternoon. I could have totally joined you. Why do you insist on doing this all alone when I’m right here to support you?”
I flash her a smile. “Tess, come on. You already have a lot on your plate with your home and work. I don’t want to add any further responsibilities on your tab right now. Don’t worry. It was just an appointment. When I need you, I’ll call for you.
Tess isn’t having any of that.
“Charlee, don’t. On your next appointment, you’re going to let me know and I’ll come through to be with you. I’m not even asking you. That’s a direct order!”
Tess can’t even feign a mean look, and we both burst out laughing.
The pregnancy hormones must be all over the place right now, because one moment Tess and I are laughing about something silly as we sip our flavored Cappuccinos, and the next moment, I’m breaking down in gushing tears.
Literally ugly-crying.
“I’m sorry, Tess. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just thinking about what the doctor said today. She asked if I’ll have help managing the entire pregnancy, but that’s not all I’m worried about. I’m wondering what kind of a mom I’ll make. I’m not strong like you, Tess. I’m not sure I got this.”
