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I’m watching quietly as the cog wheels turn in Charlee’s brain. She’s thinking, and thinking, and it eventually dawns on her.
“It was you! It was you that day in the bathroom five years ago! Why did you ever tell me it was you?”
Shrugging, I smile at her. “It never came up. I didn’t think it was important anyway.”
I’m glad Charlee remembers her first day at Bridges, when my dad embarrassed her and she was crying painfully in the bathroom. I’d just come into work after a tiring weekend and I saw a lady fleeing to the bathroom, in tears and looking broken. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I went over to her and I gave her the words sailing on top of my heart. I knew only too well what it felt like to feel unworthy and small. I’m glad she took my advice.
“Those words are part of how I’ve survived the toughest times back at Bridges,” Charlee says, squeezing my hands back. “I still hold on to them when I assumed my most recent role at Building Bridges. Thank you for not ignoring me that day.”
Charlee guides me to the couch and we sit. Without missing a detail, I tell her about the case, the unveiling of Garfield Gallagher, his connection to my father, and the ultimate takedown.
Charlee's eyes are popping out of her head in surprise. “That’s amazing, Harrison! You did it. You really did it after all.”
Smiling and basking in her validation, I tell her about my father and how he’s now making amends.
“He wants to see you, Charlee. I squared him away about meddling in my business and he’s truly remorseful. He wanted to come with me today, but I told him not to dump all that on you right now. A better time would come. The man is truly sorry.”
Charlee looks down at her hands, unsure of what to say.
“Charlee, no one will ever hurt you again. I won’t allow any disrespect ever again. I’ve been a major idiot about everything, not knowing what to do with my feelings. Honestly, I’ve been both happy and terrified about our unborn baby. I’m excited to be a dad. And I’m also terrified I’ll mess it up.”
My voice can’t carry on anymore. This is all too difficult for me.
Charlee gets up and comes to sit by my side, taking my hand in hers. “Harrison, I don’t know why you struggle with so much self-doubt, but you are such a strong-willed man and a good person. You never give up on anything you care about. You’re so committed to the things you believe in.”
Her words are like a balm to my soul. They are soothing and peaceful, and I almost close my eyes as the calm washes over me.
Charlee gently touches my face, rubbing her thumb against my lower lip. I want to kiss her breathless right there. I‘m just not sure her father would be very happy with me.
“Charlee, there’s something I need to tell you,” I say, sitting sideways to face her. “When my dad told you I wasn’t being completely honest with you, he wasn’t wrong. I have ADHD, Charlee. I’ve been dealing with it since I was five.”
Charlee looks down at her hands, her mind working to piece things together.
Clearing my throat to open it up, I continue. “My brothers and I went to middle and high schools in Switzerland. Yeah, even me, the youngest, wasn't allowed to stay back in the country. My father insisted on European education. I wasn’t exactly the best kid academically and often struggled with my grades, but I never failed to ace my math exams. I’m a whiz with numbers, but that was never enough for our father. No matter how hard I tried, I always fell short of the man’s expectations.”
Charlee’s eyes are turning glossy again and I can’t resist bending down to kiss her, taking the time to calm her nerves.
“I’ve lived with the constant weight of failure on my shoulders, because my dad always made me feel I was never good at anything. I was never enough. That kind of hurt cuts deep, but I’ve let it all go. I’m still healing, truly, but I’m letting it all go. I’m willing to be a better man today, to work hard at being a solid man for you and our baby.” I need her to understand. “God, I love you so much, Charlee. Whenever you’re around me, I feel at ease. My quivering stops, the headaches vanish, my blood stops boiling. You bring me calm and ease, baby. You center me. Anchor me. Please let me back into your life. I promise to work on myself every day. I’ll make you happy, Charlee. I promise.”
The words are coming directly from my heart and Charlee is now fully crying, and I can’t help myself anymore. I hoist her unto my thighs, kissing her thoroughly, working softly with my tongue to let her know how I truly feel about her.
When I let her go, she’s panting, searching my eyes.
She cups my face in her hands. “Harrison, I love you too. I’ve loved you for a long while now and I love being with you. I love our non-dramatic moments.” That makes me laugh out loud.
She continues, swiping a thumb across my lips. “As long as you’ve set boundaries with your dad, I know we’ll make this work. But I’m not sure I’m ready to face him anytime soon. He was really hurtful and I can’t forgive him just yet.” And I can’t blame her. “But, Harrison, you’ll make a wonderful father. You love hard, you love beautifully. Our baby would be blessed to have you. We’re both terrified. But we’ll figure this out together. We’re a team and I love you so much.”
Nah, I’m not going to cry right now. Her words have melted my heart and the warmth from her body on top of mine is giving me some ridiculous ideas.
“I love you more than anything in the world right now.”
I mean every word of that, and I lean down to kiss her, letting her know her heart will be safe with me forever.
Life can be sweetly kind sometimes, I guess.
EPILOGUE
CHARLEE
