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1
AUTUMN
“Hey Autumn! I’ve got a big cock for you!”
Clearly big sunglasses, a ball cap, and an oversized hoodie is a shit disguise. It’s been just over a week since my elicit voicemail, that was for my ex’s ears only, was released and this is hardly the worst thing that’s been hurdled at me. At first, I was mortified. Humiliated. I ignored all the jabs, kept my head down. Then I got angry. And mouthy.
“Don’t Autumn!” My publicist snaps at me through the phone at my ear. “Ignore him.”
“Hold on, Maren.”
I hear her yell at me as I stop and face the douchebag who is wearing a smug smile at the edge of the airport bar.
“Let me see it,” I say as I take off my glasses and eye his crotch.
His smile disappears. “What?”
“You said you’ve got a big cock. Well, whip it out. Let’s see it.”
He looks around the crowded airport, his face turning red. “Um…here?”
“Yeah, why not? You feel comfortable announcing to the whole Austin airport how big your cock is so it’s time to put your money where your mouth is.”
“Um…” He swallows visibly as his eyes dart to the people that have started to gather around us.
“It better be at least ten inches. That’s all this pussy takes.”
“Autumn!” I hear Maren scream from the phone in my hand as gasps and giggles surround me.
Douchebag practically looks green now. I glance at his hand holding his beer and see a ring.
“You’re married?”
Panic fills his face. “Look—”
“What would she think about your little proposal? Got kids too, I bet. You got the whole dad bod thing going on.” I wave my hand at his paunchy stomach. “A daughter?”
He starts to turn around, trying to escape me.
“I seriously hope your daughter never knows her dad sexually harasses women for fun!” I yell at a level to be heard over the small circle that’s formed around us. I don’t have to look to see that most people have their phones out and recording. “Maybe you should try being a stand-up husband and father instead of a dickwad!”
A rouse of applause comes up and I give a curtsy then put on my sunglasses and put my phone back to my ear. “Sorry, Maren, that’ll be viral in about half an hour.”
She sighs. “You’re a serious PR nightmare. How am I going to convince the Home & Heart Channel to keep you on if you shout out the word pussy in the middle of an airport?”
I cringe. I didn’t really help my case out with that one. “Sorry, I was in the moment.”
“I’m probably going to get another call from Ed ranting how the porn industry keeps calling him.”
I bite my lip not to laugh. I mean, it’s not good. Not at all. It’s more a laugh of how ridiculous my life has become. How I’m on the verge of losing it all. My agent doesn’t sugarcoat it with me either. Ed told me to fix this situation, or my selection of auditions will be between The Bimbo Games and Humping Laura.
“Where the hell is your security, by the way?”
“They should be at baggage claim. I haven’t made it there yet.” My hand starts to shake, and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep a grip on my phone. It’s only a matter of time before the panic will start to lace my voice. “Listen, I gotta stop in the little girl’s room so I’m going to let you go. I’ll touch base later, love you.”
I hang up before she can say anything else and increase my pace to the single occupant restroom where I’ll have some privacy. As soon as the door is closed and locked behind me, I drop everything and empty my stomach inside the toilet. When I’m done, I slump against the wall and pull my knees up to my chest and rest my forehead on them. I don’t want to even think about the fact that I’m sitting on the floor in a public restroom.
I might get angry and mouthy, but then the adrenaline fades and this is where I end up – shaking on the floor of a bathroom.
