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His brows snap together. “What do you mean?”
“I wasn’t…vocal like that with other men.” I can’t quite believe I’ve confessed that.
He shifts so he’s looking at me more fully, rocking the boat slightly. “You’re telling me that of all the boyfriends you’ve had since you were, what twenty-one? That you never once had dirty talk with them?”
“Well, it’s not like there’s been a ton, but no, not like that. More your typical stuff like, more, yes, that feels good.”
“Autumn, it’s been what, eight years since you two broke-up?”
I’m well aware, but when you’ve been shamed and used by the one person you thought you could trust - and you weren’t that great at trusting men to begin with - it changes you. Jackson’s gotten a lot of my truths today. I’m not sure if I’m ready to reveal all, but I can give him the Cliff’s Notes version.
“I ended up being more cautious about my relationships as my fame rose. Not that being cautious helped me pick better men.”
“What did they do to you?”
“It’s not really what they did to me. They only wanted to be with me for the fame or wanted to clean up their image. In the end, none of them really wanted to be with me. So, I held back. And it’s a good thing I did.”
“Why is Ben different?”
“Because we were young and experiencing our first real break in the business. It was exciting and sexy, especially since we had to keep our relationship quiet. We had each other during the craziness.”
Until the craziness changed him. Or revealed his true colors.
“What happened?”
Everything happened. I don’t like thinking of myself in that first year after my fame hit. How my relationship with Ben went in a direction I never anticipated. That I let myself be the one person I swore I never would be.
I go with the bare minimum of the truth. “The excitement fizzled.”
There’s something about the silence that falls between us. It’s charged. Uncomfortable. And not in a good way.
“That’s it?”
I glance his way and he’s looking at me, his expression tight.
“Yeah.” I smile, hoping to lighten this sudden weighty feeling between us.
His mouth flattens and he looks forward. “Why isn’t he denying your affair is years old, Autumn?”
I don’t like the accusing way he’s asking me the question. Does he really believe I would have an affair with a man with a girlfriend, and a very public one at that.
“I don’t know.”
I really don’t. Other than Ben is a controlling, self-absorbed bastard. But I’m not going to sit here and defend my innocence to Jackson. If he hasn’t gotten to know me well enough this past week, and after all I’ve told him on this swan, then there’s nothing for me to say.
“There has to be something.” He seems to want to say more, but bites off the words. His peddling becomes jerkier as he tries to increase his speed. What the hell? Why is he upset? If anyone, I’m the hurt party here.
I blow out a frustrated breath as I look ahead. I see a few people lining the bridge. It could be no one or it could be paparazzi. I almost hope for it to be. I want to get back to the hand holding and teasing we had earlier.
I take his hand in mine, “Hey, relax. We’re supposed to be having a romantic day out. It’s time to drop all the heavy talk. We’re approaching a bridge and I can’t have you looking upset. Smile at me and kiss my hand.”
He looks back at me, his expression slowly softens, but I can still feel the tension in his body. He leans into me a little as he brings our hands up to his mouth. He gives it a light kiss and it shouldn’t make me feel as good as it does, but it does, like a balm on the wound. He doesn’t immediately let our hands drop. Instead, his lips brush my skin again then I feel the warm, silky feel of his tongue. I gasp at the contact, but I don’t snatch my hand away.
“That wasn’t very PG.”
He lets our hands fall between us. “I know.”
I don’t like the flatness of his voice. I don’t like this feeling that he’s playing with me. “Then why did you do it?”
