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It was a buffer that wasn’t ever easy. Something that never would come with any more grace than what I was offering now. I was already doing my absolute best when it came to someone who was getting the news their loved one wasn’t getting any better from their illness.
And with cancer, it seemed I had that conversation more often than I told anyone their loved one was making a full recovery, and I had nothing but good news to share with them. I felt like I was the Angel of Death more often than I could go by anything else.
“It’s just a matter of time now for him to stabilize enough to go back to the medical ward.” I grinned as I looked from my nurse to the woman who was looking with massive eyes at the man who was still sleeping off the medication. The nurse had gone and retrieved the man’s young wife.
She clearly didn’t know what to do with herself or any of the information I was giving her, but that didn’t stop me. I wanted her to at least hear the words of what was going on, even if she didn’t understand them. I wasn’t a doctor who became impatient when my clients asked for me to explain something to them.
The reason I’d gone to school in the first place was so I could help others with their own health, and the best way they could do that was if they understood what was going on with their bodies and how to treat the symptoms before it turned into something bigger.
He would wake up for brief periods, but I had no doubt he would spend most of the next few days dropping off to sleep at the worst times possible. It was why he was going to need to be under the best supervision possible before I could even start to think of a treatment plan. At least now that we had our patient stabilized, we had something to treat as the base line.
The young woman didn’t seem to know what to do with the fact that he was so heavily medicated. He looked like himself, sure, but he wasn’t acting like himself.
It was common for family members to react in that way. I had gotten used to it long before, and I often did my best to help them relax with the sight of their loved one being out of sorts.
It helped that she was so determined. Something that said she would get through this even if she had to work with her husband directly to teach him all over again how to live life. I had no reason to believe it would be that bad for him, but that didn’t change the fact I wanted him to spend the rest of the night in the hospital.
There was no need for us to rush anything, and I didn’t want anyone on this side of the case to feel like they had to do anything to hurry this along. Not with how it had been going so far.
I didn’t want to chance him being on his own when there was a chance for him to drift off into sleep without warning and without anyone to supervise how things were going for him. But, knowing he was under the right supervision for the time being meant I was free to move on with the next part of my shift, and that was getting through all the paperwork that would go with the bullshit I just broke up tonight.
I knew I should be grateful I had talked the situation down from something that could have been life threatening to something that was nothing more than injured prides.
But, more than that, I was grateful beyond belief that we had kept from losing that patient.
Nick, my best friend, caught up with me on my way out the door of the hospital that evening.
“You want to go grab a beer?” he asked me.
“Sounds like a good idea,” I replied.
“You okay?” He was able to pick up on my moods better than anyone, but I didn’t even bother with masking my emotions.
“I almost lost a patient today,” I said.
“Almost?” Nick asked.
“Pulled him through at the last second.”
“It doesn’t get any easier, does it?” he asked.
“Just wait until the day comes when you lose a patient,” Nick warned. “That’s a day when you’re really going to feel it.”
“That doesn’t necessarily have to happen,” I reminded him. “No one has to die on my watch.”
“No, there’s no law written anywhere that says you’re doomed to lose a patient,” he replied with a shake of his head. “But considering what you do for a living and the fact we’re dealing with one of the most lethal diseases known to man, odds are you’re going to wind up losing a patient at some point.”
“Let’s just hope I can defy those odds,” I replied. “I’ve got a long time left, but every day we get through without anyone passing is another day closer to my retirement and no deaths.”
Nick laughed. “Alright, if you want to count things that way, then I won’t be the one to stand in your way. But, I mean it when I say that I don’t want to see you crash and burn when the day comes.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I said. “Like I told you, it doesn’t get any easier. Let me get a beer in me and I’ll feel a lot better.”
“Sounds good. And a game of pool.”
“You’re on,” I told him.
I smiled as we separated to head to our vehicles. I could use the time to wind down after the day I had. I wanted to get home to relax, and it always helped when I went out with Nick after work. It put a bit of a barrier between my home life and my professional life, making it easier for me to cope with the trauma I dealt with on a daily basis.
