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“I’ve been thinking about that quite a bit actually,” I admitted. “And again, I don’t feel like we’re breaking anything at this point in our lives, but besides that, yes, I feel like I’m ready. This isn’t some guy who I’ve got a crush on. This is a guy I can literally see myself with for the rest of my life. There’s a lot more to our relationship than just lust.”
“I guess if you didn’t want to have sex with him I’d be a little worried,” Raya said. “Are you going to make a move on him?”
“That, I don’t know,” I said. “I can picture us having dinner and everything, but I don’t know when the right time would be to make a move. Like, I don’t want to do something stupid or make it awkward.”
“What are you going to do if he turns you down?” Raya asked, and I paused. I hadn’t thought of that, and I looked at her in surprise.
“That happens?”
“I’m sure it does. It happens to men, so why not?” She shrugged.
“I guess I’d just have to go with it then,” I surmised. “Great, now I have a whole new thing to stress about! Thanks a lot.”
“Oh, come on.” She laughed. “What else would you possibly be worrying about?”
“I don’t know, the fact that I’ve never had sex before, and I’m entirely clueless as to what I’m doing might factor into that,” I said.
“It can’t be that hard,” she replied. Although she, too, had vowed she wasn’t going to be sleeping around, she was the most forward of all the girls who had made the vow. But, she, too, had kept her promise, along with the rest of the girls, and she was still waiting for the right man to come into her life.
“I guess,” I said. “I don’t know. I just hope he knows what he’s doing, and he doesn’t think I’m stupid for not having had sex before.”
“I doubt he’ll think you’re stupid,” Raya cried. “He’s probably going to think it’s hot, you know? I mean, I would think it’s hot. But then, I’ve never had sex, so I’m sure whenever it happens I’m going to be pretty turned on.”
“I’m sure,” I agreed with a giggle. Raya had been my best friend for as long as I could remember, and there wasn’t a single thing between us we didn’t talk about. I knew she was just as happy for me as I was, but she would also understand why I was nervous about having sex with this man for the first time. We were closer than sisters, and I was glad I had her to talk about the date with before I saw Trevor later.
I told her about the dinner I had planned, along with the outfit I had picked out. She walked with me through the flower section to pick out a nice bouquet to put in the center of the table. Lastly, we went over to the alcohol section to find a nice bottle of wine.
“Nothing too fancy, just something that will pair nicely with dinner, you know?” I asked as I put it in the cart. Raya knew I didn’t drink much, and it was very much liquid courage I was buying. But, she also supported me in doing this enough she didn’t say anything about it.
“You’re going to have to give me a call when you’re free tomorrow and let me know how it went,” she told me. I promised her I would.
“I don’t know if he’ll spend the night with me or not, so I’m not sure when I’ll be free tomorrow, but I swear to God I’ll call you as soon as I can! God knows I’m going to need to let it out somehow.” I grinned. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this excited and nervous all wrapped into one.”
“I’m excited for you, but I have to admit, I’m a little jealous,” she said. “I can’t wait for the day when someone thinks about me like you think about him. Like he’s thinking about you.”
I paused once again in my shopping. It was the first time I thought about him thinking about me, and it put me even higher. I thought I was on top of the world before, but now that she brought that fresh perspective into my mind, I was even happier.
So much of the time I was thinking about Trevor and wondering how his day was going, but I hadn’t stopped to think about what he thought about me. And with him calling me out of the blue just to see how my day was going, I had a feeling Raya was right. He had to think of me the same way I was thinking of him.
Even if it wasn’t exactly equal on both sides, there was no doubt in my mind he was falling for me just as quickly as I was. And the thought of that was enough to make my heart skip a beat then pound in my chest.
“You want to grab a cup of coffee on our way out?” Raya asked, and I agreed.
I was glad she’d taken the time to come shopping for groceries for dinner with me, and I wanted to thank her by taking the time to just hang out for a while. I didn’t have anything else to do before dinner, and since he was coming over to my place, I had even more time since he’d be going home to shower after he got off work before coming over.
We settled into the small café with our coffees and continued to chat about the evening ahead. I had to admit, the closer it got, while I stayed excited, I was also getting more and more nervous with each passing hour. I knew he’d like dinner, and I hoped that the night would be fun, but more than anything, I hoped that the night would go well.
The fact that sex was on my mind meant something to me. I had gone on more than one date in the past where I knew sex wasn’t happening and I never gave it a second thought. If it wasn’t even time for dinner yet, and I was already talking to my best friend over the fact I was thinking of sleeping with this man, that had to mean something.
It wasn’t breaking the promise I made, was it?
It was giving myself to the person I wanted. The man I felt was the one for me. I hadn’t given myself to anyone else, so I felt I was right in my choice to give up my virginity tonight.
It was what I wanted, and I knew I should only really think about what I felt on this subject. But, since Raya was part of the group who made the pact, I felt it was only right that I talk to her about it, too. Of course, I would have anyway. It was only natural with the style of our friendship.
But, when we parted ways to head home for the night, I couldn’t help but notice the way she squeezed me in our hug. She knew this was a big deal, and if I was thinking that way about this guy, then there was a good chance that this was meant to be. It wouldn’t be just another one of the flings that I often had going on.
It would be something that lasted.
