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Without warning, Mrs. Elliot suddenly went into cardiac arrest. The heart monitor went wild, and I started barking orders to the others who were in the ER.
Never had I been so grateful for the crew I was working with when that happened. They were all working as naturally as though this was just another part of the surgery, despite the fact I knew we were losing the patient. Panic was about the worst thing anyone could do right now, and I told myself this as I continued to focus and keep on with the procedure.
“We need to get her stabilized, then we’re waking her up,” I said.
“You don’t want to keep going?” my nurse asked, and I shook my head.
“There’s too much risk here,” I said. “I don’t want to lose her.”
As if on cue, the heart monitor flatlined.
“No!” I cried. “All hands at the patient, now! Everyone be on high alert. We need to act, now!”
“Clear!” one of the nurses shouted as they tried to shock her heart into starting again. She jolted on the bed, but the monitor continued to flatline. The call was repeated, and once again everyone gave space so my nurse could try to resuscitate Mrs. Elliot.
But, it didn’t seem to matter how much we tried, there was no bringing her back.
We pushed as long as we could until it was just too much, and my head nurse pulled me back from the bed.
“You did what you could, doctor. She’s gone,” he said.
“No!” I cried out again. It was the first time in my life I had ever lost a patient in surgery, and I felt I was going to be physically sick over it. The sounds blended together in the background, and I heard a high-pitched whine in my ears as my mind tried to focus on what had just happened.
But, there was no changing this.
There was no taking it back or making it better.
Mrs. Elliot was gone, and there was no bringing her back now.
I had gone through with the surgery despite the fact I had my doubts, and I had lost a patient because of it. I didn’t know what to say or even think in that moment. I knew that it was a risk, I knew losing a patient was something that tragically happened to most doctors in the OR.
But, I wasn’t that doctor.
I never lost a patient, and now I had.
And I didn’t know how to respond. My mind was spinning, and as the team stepped in to take care of Mrs. Elliot’s body, I knew I had to start giving the news to those who were caring for her.
It struck me I wasn’t calling any of her family members, and I felt that was sad.
All I wanted to do was call Harper. I wanted to hold her in my arms and let her take some of this pain away from me. I just wanted to hear her voice, to hear what she had to say about this.
She was the only person in the world who had a chance of making this somewhat alright.
And she was at school.
I would just have to be patient.
THIRTY-FOUR
Harper
I had just satdown to lunch when I got the text from Trevor.
I really need you as soon as you are free. I’m sorry to do this to you in the middle of a school day, but this is serious. Let me know? Thanks
My heart leapt into my throat as soon as I read the text, and I had no idea what could have happened. If it was an emergency, I would expect him to call me right away, but to leave it at a text and tell me that he needed me as soon as I was free?
I called one of the substitute teachers in for the afternoon, then sent him a text in reply.
