AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I knew I was going to have to calm down before I would be able to talk rationally to anyone. I was so pissed I was shaking. It was the worst fight I had had in a long time, and it was made even worse considering it was with Trevor of all people.
But, I was free to leave. I didn’t have to stay and take any more of the accusations or the painful statements he was hurling in my direction.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for out there,” I said as I dragged my hand across my face and fought back more tears. “Best of luck to you.”
With that, I turned and rushed out of the apartment. I thought he might have called my name, but if he did, he didn’t bother pursuing me, and I was fine with that. I didn’t have anything else I wanted to say to him. Not after what he said to me.
I just wanted to go home and cry.
Now that we had broken up, I did have something to be upset about, and I wasn’t going to go back to the school to try to fight through it in front of everyone. No, I just wanted to go home and climb into bed and cry myself to sleep. I would deal with my emotions when I got up later.
For now, I wanted to disappear.
I wanted the world to disappear.
I was lost.
THIRTY-FIVE
ONE WEEK LATER
Trevor
It wasthe first time I was in the office since losing Mrs. Elliot.
There were condolences left for me on my desk, and I scooped them all up and put them on the shelf behind me. I would go through them when I was more in the mood, but this past week I had slipped into the worst depression of my life, and I felt it was a miracle I had even made it into work that day.
If I hadn’t have taken the entire week off after Mrs. Elliot’s death, then I would have taken just one more day off from this place, but I knew I had a responsibility to my patients and to the clinic, and I couldn’t take all that time off with so many people depending on me.
I didn’t have any patients I would be seeing that day, which I had done intentionally. I didn’t want to see anyone face to face. It would be tough enough to deal with my co-workers. But, I could work on paperwork in my office. God knew there was enough of that to keep me busy for most if not all of the week.
I didn’t have to see any patients at all that week, and I would be fine. Not to mention they would be, too. As long as the paperwork didn’t get too backed up, things would continue to move along smoothly. But, that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to take time before I would be ready to see more of my patients again.
I knew I was going to have to bounce back from this quickly if I was going to continue my career as a surgeon. I still hadn’t given Mr. Mardquart an answer on what I was doing about Texas, but even if I didn’t go down there, I had to be able to keep going here in New York.
I had gone to school for so long to be a doctor, and I didn’t want to let a tragedy like that be the reason I stopped. If Mrs. Elliot had survived, I knew she would be horrified to hear that I was thinking of ending my career because of the fact I lost her on the table. She would likely try to slap me upside the head if she found out about that.
But, the fact of the matter was that she wasn’t here. She wasn’t here because I wasn’t a good enough doctor to be able to save her when things went south on the table. I knew there was a level of just feeling sorry for myself with that mindset, but it also felt good to lick my wounds, considering the fact that I also broke up with Harper on the same day.
I felt that I had lost two things in my life that I cared about dearly – in different ways, of course, but still two massive losses. Harper was worse overall. I hated that I lost a patient at work, but I could ignore that pain and focus on other things. But when it came to Harper and the fact that we were no longer together, it wasn’t so easy to ignore. The fact that my phone was silent now almost all day, and the fact that I didn’t have anyone to just share the little thoughts I had during the day with.
I didn’t have anyone to send little sweet messages to, and I hadn’t realized how much I enjoyed getting those myself until my phone sat silently on the table next to me all day, every day. It had been a massive mistake fighting with Harper right after going through that that morning. I knew that now, but there was no taking it back, and I hated it.
I had no idea what to say to her now that we had had that fight, or what she would think of me. I wished more than anything I could turn back the clock and start that day all over again. There were so many things I would do differently, and I might not be so miserable in my life today.
A soft knock on the door caught my attention, and Nick handed me an envelope.
“This was dropped off for you. I guess it came from that residential place up the street?” he said.
“Thanks,” I told him.
“How you holding up?” he asked.
“I’ll be alright, eventually,” I said.
“I hope so,” he replied. “Sucks when you’re not yourself.”
I nodded and he left. I felt bad for how distant I was being toward Nick, too, but I honestly didn’t want to talk about either of the situations I was grieving. He had lost patients on the table. He knew what it was like. He also knew that I was having a tough time with the idea.
