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“Perhaps.” His eyes held an intensity that stalled her breath. “I suppose it would largely depend on the next man you meet.” Then he moved away on the pretense of searching the shelves.
“It might.” Was he talking about himself? A tremble moved down her spine. Did he wish to keep her in his life, then? But she was too much of a coward to ask. Desperate to hear his voice again, she quickly rushed to fill the silence. “Tell me about your brothers. Are they as frustrating and impossible as you?”
“Not quite.” When Hawk chuckled, she reveled in that warm, baritone sound. “My brothers are as different from me as the sun is to the moon.”
“How so?” It was lovely to talk about such things with him, and the chance to learn more about him was good too.
“My oldest brother is the current Viscount Blackwell, and he is a bit of a prick. Born and bred for the title as well as doing the pretty in theton, he married an heiress and now has a son and a daughter.”
“Do you see them often?”
“When I am in London, I make it a habit to stop by. It’s fun to spoil the children merely because it annoys my brother.” Amusement reflected in his eyes. “My middle brother is the more sensitive one out of all of us. He didn’t wish to have anything to do with the military. The typical spare, I guess, and a rake to boot. Because of that, he hasn’t settled down, nor does it seem he has any inclination to make a name for himself.”
“Perhaps that will come with time. I’d like to hope all men will eventually decide what they want out of their lives and then pursue it.” Would that prompt him to do the same? When he didn’t say anything, she moved to another shelf. “Where do you fit into that mix, Hawk? How would you describe yourself besides handsome with a penchant for sneaking about and kissing?”
Not that she minded that last bit.
“First, thank you for that.” Red color crept up his neck over his cravat. “Second, I’d say I have been quite fortunate.” His expression sobered. “There were more than enough times fate could have snuffed out my existence between my time in the military and then as a spy.” He frowned at one of the books. “What a man has done with his life becomes all too clear when he’s staring down the barrel of an enemy pistol.”
The sheer magnitude of what he must have experienced over the course of his life sent a tremble down Belle’s spine. “Will you tell me of your stint in the military? Tell me of the things you saw in battle?” Perhaps it would help her to understand him better.
“I will, but not tonight. Just now, this current mission takes precedence.”
“Very well.” She nodded while cold threads of disappointment went through her chest. “But you’re charming as well, and can no doubt talk your way out of any sort of trouble.” He had certainly managed to sweet talk her into coupling with him.
“There is that.” When he grinned, the delicate skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled. “Yes, I have been guilty of just that. Sometimes, talking has served me better than a fight.”
“Unless you are verbally bantering with me.” She couldn’t help her grin.
“Ah, but that is hardly fighting, is it, my dear?” Hawk winked, and flutters went through her belly. “Consider that more like extended foreplay to help draw you out of that shell.”
Oh, dear.Heat prickled over her skin. The man was too dangerous to her peace of mind. Not wishing to dignify that with a comment, she said instead, “Yet I would imagine you’d fight to the death if something you loved was threatened.”
“Indeed, and as of yet, I have only done that for the love of England.”
“But not for the love of a woman? No lady held your heart in the whole of your life?”
“Not particularly. There was one or two I couldn’t trust completely.” He rested a shoulder against the shelf and then crossed his arms at his chest. “Unless you count my mother.” As he talked, she watched his mouth. “In the military, there was no time for love or romance, and even less so once I became a spy. Then it was imperative I cut all ties to anyone who meant something to me in the event they could be used against me.” For the space of a few heartbeats, he remained quiet with a lost look in his eyes. Then he came back to himself with a start. “I won’t lie and say I have been a monk over the course of my life… there have been liaisons that were nothing more than a mutual sharing of physical attraction, but my heart has yet to be claimed.”
Yet he’d put himself at risk when he’d dragged her into their false engagement, merely in an effort to protect her. That spoke to his character. “Then I am doubly honored to share in at least part of your journey.”
Though, already and despite multiple warnings to herself, she was coming to rely on him, care for him, more than was proper.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” When he grinned, she returned the gesture.
“You are kind and honorable. It is a lovely combination that will see you farther than intimidation will, I suspect.”
“Perhaps.”
When he didn’t offer up more, Belle turned back to the bookshelves. Then with a cry of victory, she tugged one of the books from the collection. Gilt lettering on the red linen cover proclaimed it one of the comedies Laurence had spoken about. “Here we are. There are five of Shakespeare’s plays here. Let us hope one of them is what we seek.”
“Let me see it.” Hawk pushed off the shelf. Once he reached her side, she gave him the book. He thumbed through the pages as he’d done to the other books in the manor’s library. “Nothing.”
“Don’t give up hope quite yet.” She pulled another book off the shelf while he did the same.
Nothing of consequence was found in either volume.
“Well… rubbish!”
