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“Josh.” His name’s drawn from my lips, coupled with a spasm that forces my hips and ass upward, my head thrown back, all the muscles in my body are in one giant tremor.
“Give it to me. Give me that sweetness.” Josh’s voice surges over me like the waves pounding in a storm, throwing my orgasm into another dimension.
I grab his head, feel the sweat that’s building on his temples as I run my fingers back, tangling them in his hair. I’m pulling him upward, capturing his lips with mine.
I taste myself.
I taste what he does to me.
I taste what he is to me.
I lick his lips, marveling at the moisture that’s gathered around his mouth and the sweat that’s beginning to form and drip down his face, preparing to merge with my essence. I run my tongue over his cheek toward his temple, tasting his flavor mixed with mine, the saltiness, the earthiness—the us. All of us. Always us.
Tears build, they threaten, even though I’m so completely in the moment with him that these tears don’t belong. I don’t know if it’s joy, desperation, or pain, but they are insistent, pushing up against the back of my eyes and the back of my heart.
He leans back, the foil package in his hand. He reaches down, grabs his shaft, all hard, beautiful, sleek manhood. My breath hitches at the sight of him. He rolls the condom down his thickness then looks up, his black eyes unreadable in the darkness of the cubby the bunk beds make. Stretching out over me, his body covering mine I’m taken back years to our first time. And every time after that.
His hardness is pressed against my entrance, ready to take its due from my body and to give me everything in return. Josh lowers his head. His lips touch mine, his eyes lock with mine, hands on the bed, bracing my shoulders.
He drives into me, impaling me, branding the depths of my channel with his shaft, the head imprinting against my back walls. I gasp from the sudden intrusion, the stretching that I haven’t felt in more than a year of abstinence, and even longer since I’ve been with anyone as large as Josh.
I shove my hands under his shirt, running them along his back, his muscles are stiff and flexed as he begins a furious pace of pumping his shaft in and out, his breath heaving against my temple and neck with each rise and fall, with each push of his body.
“Fuck,” he releases this exclamation in a hiss, grunts and moves upward. He drives deeper into me, searing his cock into me, like he’s branding me for life, like he’s staking his claim, driving it deeper and deeper. “Cass, fuck.” He groans and pulls back, his face a grimace as he struggles to keep from releasing yet.
“Give it to me.” My own voice is a pant. “I need you.” I don’t even know what the hell I’m saying because when I try to think of the words I’ve just said, my mind comes up blank.
“Hush, woman. You’re taking me dangerously close.”
“I want you to fuck me like you’ve missed me,” I whisper in his ear.
“God.” He releases a hiss. “Damn…” His voice gets louder. “…it.” He grunts with a cry that pushes into me. He’s swelling, my muscles tighten around his throbbing thickness as I feel his pulse pushing forward, meeting my own need to release.
My muscles clamp down on him, insistent, milking, drawing. I release with a spasm that relinquishes a hold on his cock, then tightens my body, leaving me with muscle tics that won’t stop, making my legs shake.
Josh collapses on me, still hard, still deep, his hair flowing on my chest, his lips pressed against the base of my neck, feeling my heartrate’s pulse the way he used to. His chest heaves in and out, pressing down on me with a reminder of our joining.
I don’t know what to say. I wrap my arms around him, lightly so he doesn’t know that I’m wishing I could hold onto him like he’s a raft I’ve fallen out of while we’re going down a whitewater river.
19
SECRETS AND COWARDS
CASSIE
The cabin’s chill and the sound of the water hitting the boat’s wood sides wake me. I snuggle closer to Josh, breathing in his scent, oh so very familiar to me. Then I jolt to a fully awake status and realize exactly what is going on.
Shit. I’m here with Josh, a part of me wants to exclaim. The other part of me wants to jump with joy. Even though I don’t know that what just happened means anything at all. Or does it?
I don’t know which one of us fell asleep first. I’m not even sure how long we’ve been asleep. Josh isn’t on me anymore. He’s next to me, in the bunk, the darkness hiding our etched initials, hiding his face, the one I’ve been in love with for so long. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle waking up next to him. I’m not sure how I’ll handle any questions he’ll have. And I don’t want to start lying. Avoidance isn’t much better, but at least it’s not outright lying. Or so I tell myself.
Maybe one day I’ll actually believe it. Today, I’m going to opt for the coward’s role. I’m going to slink away, do the walk of shame, and get home. Then I’ll pray that my parents aren’t awake. Or at least that Mom isn’t, so I don’t have to deal with her griping while I’m coping with my feelings about this new development with Josh.
His solid body is like lying next to a furnace. His arm’s across me, protecting me yet keeping me captive. I pick up his arm, raise it slightly, and then slide out from under it. He groans, makes a sighing noise. But his sound is so different than mine, so guy-ish. Shoulders broad and thick, he rolls onto his back, his arm flung over his face, almost above his head, heavy bicep flexing then releasing once as he falls back asleep.
As soon as I’m sure he’s staying that way, I decide to mobilize and get dressed. Feeling around, hopefully without waking him, I find my clothing. Damn. Except for my panties. I hate to leave them behind, but if they’re under him, I’ll have to wake him to get them. Not taking that route. I’ll go commando and forget the stupid panties.
I shimmy into my jeans. I’m still kind of sticky between my legs. That’s a feeling I haven’t had in so long that I’m actually enjoying it. Slipping my arms into my top, I fasten two buttons, that’s enough to keep me decent until I get to my car. I roll my bra up and stuff it into my back pocket.
