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“Not now.” Josh’s voice is abrupt. It’s a tone I’ve never heard from him before. It has a tone of familiarity and contempt that bothers me. Is that because they must be together? My head is spinning.
“Josh. You’re needed inside. Right away.”
“Billie.” His tone’s more of a snarl. “Go away now. Can’t you take care of it? Just give me a few, dammit.”
“Fine. It’s your deal, isn’t it?” She stomps off, and even through my heavy breathing from exertion, I can hear her footsteps, angry and petulant.
Josh puts his hand on my forehead, pushing my hair back. “Didn’t imagine I’d see you tonight.”
The thoughts that fly through my drunken mind aren’t coherent, but if I could put them into words, I would have. I’m confused. I didn’t know he was a bartender. I hadn’t known he knew about the baby. I don’t know how he found out about the baby. I didn’t know he was this close. I’m left wondering if he had any idea that I was in a neighboring area. And the girl. What about—
That’s the last thought I have, and I don’t even get to finish it before I hurl more of my stomach’s contents at my feet. I’m mortified now. I don’t think I’ve ever been this drunk. I know Josh has never seen me like this.
A sob of humiliation slips out and merges with my heaving and panting sounds. I want to tell him to go away, but I can’t even manage to make my mouth work.
“Let’s get you to my place and get you cleaned up.”
What’s he mean, his place? Is thathis and herplace? Am I stepping into the middle of something? The idea rends my heart into pieces, and no amount of Jäger in my bloodstream dulls that pain.
Josh helps me to my feet, puts his arm around me, and takes me around the dark corner I didn’t want to travel earlier. A few yards of dim lighting and stumbling attempts later, we’re in front of a wooden staircase. At the top of the staircase, my eyes focus on a naked lightbulb and a door.
“Your place?” My voice sounds hollow. Probably because my throat is hurting from the vomiting. Probably has something to do with the hollowness I feel inside, now that I’ve seen the blonde, Billie’s her name, or so he said. She’s clearly a part of his life now, enough so that she bosses him around, and they argue. That’s likecouplestuff. They’re a couple.But he said she was no one.
Except how does that explain what has happened between us? Last week and last month. My head pounds, trying to think about it.
One creaking step at a time, Josh gets me to the top of the staircase that looks like it should have fallen apart ages ago.
He opens the unlocked door and holds me up as we cross over the threshold. Reaching across, he flips a light on.
The room’s a kitchen, bare of any of the niceties that you’d normally associate with a kitchen, like canisters for spices and sugar bowls and mug trees. It’s as bare as my soul feels right now.
We cross through the kitchen to a short hallway, again sparsely furnished. Josh shoves a door open. There’s a double bed mattress against one wall, unmade, with sheets that don’t match on it.
“You’re a mess.”
He’s right. In far too many ways, I’m very much a mess. I wonder if he realizes how much he’s the cause of all this.
“Sorry,” I mumble. “I didn’t mean to ruin your New Year’s Eve. And Billie’s.” I almost gag on her name. I had to say it. To make him aware that I know things are different. That I know he’s with her, and this must be some kind of brotherly act of kindness he’s doing for me out of obligation for our past relationship.
“You didn’t ruin anything. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He indicates my top.
I gasp, mortified. There are chunks on it, and it’s soaked. When did I miss the road? “God.” The word escapes me in a sob. “I’m so sorry. So sorry. So sorry.” It’s like I can’t stop saying it. I’m stuck on some kind of repeat cycle.
He lets go of me and opens a door across from the bed. For a second, he’s out of sight, then I hear the sound of water running.
He’s back, face concerned. “You can borrow some of my clothes.”
I must look confused.
“You’re going to take a shower.”
“Kara. I need to let her know I’m okay.”
“You’re far from okay. I’ll text her for you.” He holds up my phone.
“Where did you get that?”
“You dropped it when you went outside.” He looks at the screen. “Kara, right? She’s asking if you’re okay. Says that Greg’s wondering what happened to you.” He looks back up at me. “Greg?” His eyes narrow.
