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"H-Hello?"
"Good afternoon. Is this Ms. Leah Raptis?"
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
I whisper 'yes' and wait for the figurative axe to fall as the pounding in my head worsens, and my vision starts getting blurry.
This is it, then.
This is it.
This is...the phone company I'm hearing on the other end, asking mewhereI'd like to pick up my new iPhone.
Err...what?
The call lasts for a few moments, but my heart still won't stop thumping against my chest.
"Temptation?"
Dr. Somebody steps into view, and all I can do is stare at him since I'malreadyin shock.
He tries pulling me up, but my whole body just feels too heavy, and he ends up crouching down on one knee instead.
"Are you alright?"
I start to say 'yes' out of habit...when I suddenly realize I have no reason to lie. Why bother pretending to be strong when Dr. Somebody is just a stranger?
And so I hear myself ask, "Since I'm on my knees in public for no apparent reason, do you think I'm okay?"
A moment passes before his lips crack out a smile.
"Am I still talking to Temptation?"
Oh.
Shit.
That somehow startles a laugh out of me, and before I know it, I'm back in his ambulance, and the words just come rushing out. I tell him about having someone sick in the family, and and how I've gotten so used to worrying about her that the smallest things have been freaking me out.
I wait for him to tell me I'm stupid.
Or at least tell me what else I should do to get better.
But all he does instead is nod. "That's normal."
"You're kidding, right?"
"The world would be a better place if there were more people like you. I've seen too many patients die without anyone beside them. It would've made all the difference to them if they had someone like you by their side."
"But what about the headaches?" I ask shakily.
"They're only there because you're trying to do the impossible," Dr. Somebody points out calmly, "which is fixing what doesn't need fixing."
His words are strikingly familiar, and I suddenly remember how Karen once told me the same thing.
You need the right mindset to start with. You have NOTHING to fix.
I had agreed with her that time, but I realize now I was only telling her the things I knew she wanted to hear.
