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“Do you want to drive?”
Cassandra shrugged like she hadn’t even thought about it, and it made Steven wondered why she was there. Had Luke wanted her to go, then why, or had Cassandra asked to see him? That made him look her way and smile, but Cassandra turned toward the passenger window, and he didn’t try again. It was like every time he tried to make a move, he was batted away. Worst part was that Steven could no longer find entertainment with other women. They were always less than he imagined when he had dated before, but now he felt nothing. He’d gone out several times and his friend had noticed that he wasn’t partaking in the women that threw themselves at him anymore. He was actually used to all of that, but that didn’t change the fact that Steven felt nothing for them.
“If you want me to.”
“Your brother said something about you driving and that’s why you came,” Steven started. He waited for her to say he was wrong or right, something. Steven couldn’t wonder anymore. Cassandra was now truly messing with his head, and it wasn’t right. He wanted his mind back, his attention back. Steven needed to know if she was ever going to see him the way that he saw her. When they came together and kissed, everything felt so natural and simple, but maybe Cassandra didn’t feel the same way. What else could it be?
Her eyes cast backward toward the backseat and her brother. He seemed to be asleep, but she obviously wasn’t going to take any chances. Cassandra wanted to say something, just not there. Steven wished that he knew what was going through her mind. He didn’t though and kept driving.
While they were driving, Cassandra kept looking at her phone, texting someone and huffing. She was unhappy about something, and Steven finally asked her what was going on. Cassandra sighed loudly and she told him that Nelson was not with her son. Dennis was supposed to be with his father, Nelson had begged for him, but instead of actually spending time with him, he had him with a babysitter, and Cassandra didn’t know who it was. She tried not to worry about it too much, but there really was nothing that she could do. She was miles away and it was his weekend. Since he hadn’t seen his son much, Cassandra still hoped that he would actually spend some time with him. She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but Steven could tell that she was on the brink.
“It’s lonely at my place. I asked Luke if I could come with you guys because I couldn’t deal with how quiet it is. I am glad that Nelson is spending time with Dennis, but it’s hard to adjust to not having him around. He is five now and when he went to school it was a big adjustment.”
Steven nodded and agreed that it was weird for him to not see the little dude around. He was rather fond of him, and he still yearned for Cassandra and the chance to give Dennis brothers and sisters. It didn’t look likely with how little they were around each other. Cassandra sighed and said that she was just trying to figure it out.
“You know, I’ve said this before, but I am just a few blocks away if you ever need to talk. I’ve never been divorced, but I can always listen. It must be hard to be back in Hartford after so long. You know so many people, but not really after all these years. It must be strange.”
Cassandra agreed that it was. “Even Aaliyah is different. We’ve talked on the phone and stayed in touch, met up when we could, but being back it’s different, and I don’t know how to act around her or many others.”
Steven assured her that everything was fine, and she just had to get to know the new people in her life again. Cassandra agreed and they were quiet for a while.
“You’re different too, Steven.”
He turned to her. “Oh yeah?”
Cassandra nodded and then looked out the window. “I wish you would have been like this before. I would have made a better choice. I wish I would have known.”
Steven was silent for quite some time. He didn’t know what to say and though it was obvious what she was talking about, he didn’t know how to respond. It wasn’t the first time that he felt like he had been on the precipice of something great and he’d messed it all up. That was the exact way that he felt right then and wished like her that things had been different, that he’d been braver.
“We can’t go backward, but we can always go forward Cassandra.”
She scoffed, “Not like my brother would ever let us. He would rather I be a spinster forever with cats before he’d want me with you. He and Aaliyah were getting close, but he’d never see that you and I could ever be something. It’s hopeless,” Cassandra said with sadness in her voice. “It’s just hopeless.”
Steven turned to her and said that it would all work out one way or another, but he didn’t know how. Neither one of them did, but Steven didn’t want to think it was hopeless. He had a feeling that it would work itself out. At least he finally knew for sure how she felt. Cassandra felt the same way as he did, and Steven could finally rejoice. He’d always wondered and now he knew for certain.
He didn’t want to think of their situation as hopeless though. It was not moving in the speed in which he would like it to, but he wasn’t going to call it hopeless. Steven still hoped that something great would come between them. He felt like they both deserved something good.
Chapter 21
Luke
He woke up to hear his sister and friend’s conversation. It wasn’t what they were saying exactly, it was what they weren’t saying, and the voice his sister was saying it in. At the end there, Luke had to work hard not to say anything himself. All of what he thought was going on between the two of them was proven to be right, but there was also Cassandra saying it outright. She wanted to be with Steven but wasn’t because of him. That made him feel a bit different. In one way he was happy that they hadn’t done something like be together, but in another way, it made things worse.
Luke made a few sounds to let them know that he was up, and it went to complete silence. Luke sat up and asked them if they were there yet. They weren’t, had a way to go, but he wanted to get them under the impression that he was up. Luke didn’t want to accidently hear anything else. He just couldn’t take anymore truths. He had also learned more about Nelson and how he was messing with his sister. Luke had a lot to chew on.
“Man, I forgot how good a car ride is. It just lulls you right to sleep.”
Cassandra commented on how Luke had been that way since he was a baby and Luke agreed. He didn’t know how he felt about any of it, but he had to hold his truth in a while longer. Luke didn’t know what to think of the two of them, but he wasn’t ready to say anything because that would lead to a conversation that he wasn’t ready to have.
Luke offered to drive, and it was really to give Cassandra and Steven some space. Luke didn’t know what to think of it, but he did know that he didn’t want the two of them together. Right or wrong, it made his skin crawl to think about it. Not Cassandra.
Cassandra went to the back seat and that suited Luke just fine. He also had thought about her getting back with her ex. Luke had gone to the city several times since Cassandra moved back to Hartford and one of those times, he had chased down Nelson, with the intent that he would be able to have a civil conversation and see where it had all gone wrong. Luke hadn’t really known what he would say, just that he wanted him to say something, apologize, something.
What he had found was that Nelson was still dating a couple of women and while he had been talking to his sister about getting back together and not getting divorced, Steven had been right. He was never going to change. If Cassandra had sounded like she would have thought about going back, Luke would have had to tell her the truth and let it work out how it was supposed to.
Luke looked to his friend. “So, what did I miss?”
Steven shrugged and said that he hadn’t missed anything. Luke didn’t know how to look at Steven now. Could he trust him or was he just trying to get with his sister? It didn’t leave him feeling all that great, that was for sure.
