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I feel like I shouldn’t breathe too loudly once we’re inside the room. It’s like entering some sacred space, breaking into this poor woman’s peace. She’s in her bed, of course, with a tube in her throat and various monitors beeping all around her.
She’s the woman from the picture, only she isn’t. Older, for one thing. Her face is relaxed—that big, winning smile is gone. But it’s her, and now I see the resemblance between her and her sons.
“Mom.” Colt’s fingers tighten around mine as we move closer to the bed. “It’s me. It’s Colt. I’m here. I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m here.”
He leaves the flowers on the table next to the bed before sitting in a chair at her side. He rubs his hands together, obviously nervous. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to find you. We wanted to for a really long time. Me and Nix.” His voice catches on the name. “But I found you. And now I’ll be able to see you all the time. You get to hear me talking about nothing important. Aren’t you lucky?”
I can’t help but smile, even with tears in my eyes. I’ve been standing back, away from them, but he waves me closer. “Mom. You remember Leni Peters? I remember you saying she had the best floor routine you ever saw.” I stare at him in surprise—he never told me that.
“She’s safe,” he whispers, taking her hand in both of his. “We both are. He’s gone now. I don’t know if you can hear me, but he’s gone. He’s never going to hurt anybody again. Only…”
He hangs his head for a moment, and I can feel his sorrow. “Only the cops think it was Nix who did it. I don’t believe them. It’s been a whole month, and I haven’t heard anything from him. They’re trying to say he set an explosion in the kitchen at the house. That was what killed him. They’re saying Nix was there, in the kitchen; that was where they found him. But I don’t believe it.”
It hurts to hear him say that. Even after a month, he refuses to believe Nix set the explosion. Even though the third body—Nix’s body—was found in the kitchen. It was never identified as Nix. That’s the problem. There was too much damage.
So long as there’s no positive identification, he has hope. I almost wish he didn’t. He can’t move on if there’s no closure.
He talks to her for a long time while I sit and listen. And think. About what she lost. What we all lost. I lost the opportunity to settle things with my mother. I never had the chance to tell her I understood how she could be blinded by a man like James. He basically love-bombed her from the minute he figured out she was my mom. I’m still not even sure how he ended up hiring her or what brought them together. She never did tell me, and she never will.
Neither will he.
I don’t know if it makes me a bad person or what, but I can’t bring myself to care much about James dying. I’m glad he’s not here anymore; that’s about it. I do wish Nix could’ve waited until Mom was out and safe, but… something tells me she might not have made it out, anyway. She could’ve ended up like this poor woman before me. In a hospital bed, unable to move or speak.
“I’ll be back to see you next week. I promise.” Colt lifts his mother’s hand to his lips and presses a kiss against the back of it. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re with me now.” My heart swells almost painfully when he says it. All this time, he wasn’t even allowed to mention her. It was like she never existed.
I hold his hand the whole way to the garage, only letting go once it comes time to get in the truck. “How do you feel?” I ask once we’re inside.
He doesn’t answer right away. “Better. I feel better. She looks good—I thought she would look a lot worse than that. But she looks like… Mom.”
“I’m really glad you got the chance to see her again. It’s like a miracle.”
“It would be a miracle if she woke up.” He tightens his grip on the wheel before sighing. “I know that’s not going to happen.”
He can face the truth about that, but he can’t face the truth about Nix. I guess because he’s seen his mom in person, for himself. Nix? That will always be a mystery, and he can’t let himself give up hope. I understand his feelings. I would probably feel the same way in his place.
It’s clear we’re both thinking about it throughout the ride back to the apartment. I moved in with him shortly after that terrible day. Piper got another roommate once I confirmed with the school’s administration that I’d be taking the rest of the semester off. We only had a couple of weeks as roommates, but it gave us back our friendship. I’ll never stop being grateful for that, especially since I don’t know how I’d be able to hold it together without her.
