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“The way I see it,” Rick said forcefully, “we have two options, before we talk about anything else. We’re going to decide right now whether we try to put our marriage back on track, or we call it quits.”
My lips parted soundlessly. I realized I had expected Rick to stop using that assured, decisive tone once he had gotten my attention. Every time I had heard that note in his voice and seen that determined look on his face, it had melted away when he looked into my eyes, into the gorgeous smile that made my heart ache as I remembered it.
His mouth bore no trace of an upward curve there in the car. His lower jaw had pushed forward a little, the way I had only ever seen it once, when one of his roommates had made a dirty joke in my presence.
“You have a choice to make, Dee. Get out of the car right now if you want, get your bags out of the back, and go into your house. That will be it. I’ll start the process to get the marriage annulled and you can sign the paperwork online.”
I felt my face crumple. Until that moment I hadn’t known how I would react, but my body seemed to make up my mind for me.
“I don’t want that,” I said, hearing in my voice a strange mixture of defiance and grief. “If… if you…”
I meant to say,If you want to get rid of me, go ahead.Thank God a sob overtook my words, because my mind could tell how stupid they would have sounded. Rick clearlydidn’twant to get rid of me. It made me feel better in one way but much worse in another: he loved me, he wanted me, and I had fled even from the cuddling.
“I don’t want it either, Dee,” he said, lowering his chin even further. “But I’m one hundred percent certain that if we stay together it won’t work and it won’t make either of us happy unless we come to an understanding.”
My brow creased hard and I felt my eyes bulge a little.
“What does that mean?” I demanded. Anunderstandingcould involve practically anything, I reflected—but the way Rick had said it seemed to mean a good deal more. For reasons I didn’t immediately grasp, the specter of Scott and April, sitting across from us on the porch, floated into my mind’s eye, and then I remembered Scott’s face as he noticed me in the hallway. He had had a strange, knowing look in his eye. I suddenly felt certain that theunderstandingRick had in mind must have to do with his conversation with the older man.
“It means that we’re going to be husband and wife,” he said quietly.
He didn’t have to say anything more specific about sex. I felt my face melt into sobs. I closed my eyes and held up my hands in front of me to push him away, although Rick hadn’t made a move toward me.
Whether because I had started to cry in earnest or because the raising of my hands gave him for some reason the opposite message to the one I had meant to give—to stay away—he moved toward me then. I felt his arms start to go around me, and I froze for an instant, then tried to shake them off.
To my surprise, Rick didn’t let go; instead he fought against my attempt to get away and easily overcame it. I felt my stomach turn over at the sensation of restraint, and for a moment I tried more urgently to wriggle out of his arms. That made him hold me more tightly, and I heard a little whimper come from my throat at the even stronger feeling that my husband wouldn’t let me go, that his muscular arms would hug me close for as long as he decided he needed to.
My body tensed and I tried to hold myself stiff as I gave up the fruitless struggle. I thought he would let go of me, and then I would just get out of the car without another word. He had given me that option, and if Rick intended to do this kind of thing, hold me in his arms against my will… if that represented part of what he meant about beinghusband and wife… I would just take the annulment option and that would be that.
My body had another idea. Instead of holding that stiff posture, it suddenly relaxed; the sobs caught in my throat came out, and I hugged Rick back.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to choke out. “Please… can we try again?”
For a long moment Rick said nothing. His hand stroked the back of my head very gently. His arms held me so tightly I knew his answer must be yes, and my mind started working on figuring out how I could turn beinghusband and wifeinto cuddling with our clothes on, andmaybehis hand down there, outside my panties, sometimes.
“Of course we can,” Rick finally said, “but we’re going to try in Rocky Falls.”
I frowned, so distracted by his words that I stopped crying.
“Rocky Falls?” I asked. “What’s…”
Then I remembered. Scott and April’s town. The age-gap New Modesty town.
I started to shake my head, and I tried to pull out of Rick’s embrace again. He refused to let me go, tightening his arms around me yet again.
“If you’re not going to get out of the car,” he said, “we’re going to the airport. Scott told me we can go to the Selecta travel office, and they’ll get us on the next flight to Chicago, then give us a ride to Rocky Falls. They’ll even give us free parking for a week at the airport.”
I remembered vaguely how Scott had said something about subsidized visits for qualified couples.
“That’s all?” I asked. “Just a trip to a midwestern town?”
My body relaxed again into the hug. As if feeling my acquiescence, Scott let me go at last and pulled back to hold me at arms’ length and look into my puffy-eyed face.
“That’s all. Just a week in Rocky Falls, as long as you agree to have an open mind and…”
Something in Rick’s voice made me pull back just a little from him, but again he held me firmly, his hands tightening on my shoulders. His face had become serious, almost stern.
“…follow the rules.”
